


Found

by Kate_Shepard



Series: Lost and Found [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Shrios, different dimension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 15:51:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 50,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7367875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kate_Shepard/pseuds/Kate_Shepard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Lost. When Shepard and team are thrown into another universe, will things change or will they stay the same?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second fanfic ever. As I said on Lost, go easy on me! I got better! This occurs shortly after the end of Lost.  
> Disclaimers: I am not a physicist. I'm calling on space magic for anything that doesn't make sense.  
> I don't own Mass Effect, any characters, etc.

“Commander! _Normandy_ inbound for pickup!" Joker says in Shepard’s ear. She turns to see her ship flying toward her with the mass relay looming closer than ever. 

"Roger that!" She runs and leaps into the open airlock. In the cockpit, she shouts, "Get us out of here, Joker!"

They zoom through the relay as the asteroid hits it. The largest mass effect field she's ever seen engulfs them in a blast that whites out everything around them and the ship rattles. She feels something pass over her that reminds her of the gravitational warp that happens when you get too close to Liara's singularity field. "What the hell!" Joker shouts. "Everything's going haywire! EDI, do something!"

"What's going on?" Shepard asks him.

"I don't know! Everything is going crazy! It's like we got caught in the blast or something but we'd be dead if we did."

"No one knows the effects of a mass relay destruction," EDI says as the ship smooths out. "It appears we have survived it. However, there is something strange in my readings. I am unsure of where we came out."

"Shepard!" several voices shout. She looks around him to see her team gathered. 

"What the hell was that?" Garrus asks.

"I don't know. It had something to do with the mass relay destruction, but I'm not sure what," Shepard tells him.

"I knew you'd get out of there," Grunt says. "But I'm glad you're back."

"We were so worried, Shepard," Miranda says. "We heard gunfire and then you sounded like you were hit and then you went silent for two days. We thought they had killed you."

"I didn't," Grunt says.

"Why didn't you get out of there?" Shepard asks. "You knew the Reapers were coming."

"We didn't have confirmation that you were dead and EDI said she was picking up weak vital signs from your omni-tool," Joker says. "She was trying to trace it but all of the debris was jamming the signal. So we waited and looked for you. You didn't think we would leave you behind, did you?"

"You should have left. You should have given warning," Shepard says.

"We called Hackett and Anderson two days ago. Hackett's on his way, by the way. He should be here soon. He wants to talk to you in person." Shit. That's not good.

"First, though, we're getting you to the doctor," Garrus says.

Doctor Chakwas examines her and patches up the bullet holes. Her head is pounding and Karin tells Shepard she has a concussion from being pistol whipped but it's mild. While she works, Shepard fills out her reports. There are a lot of them. Fortunately, she has a template for the bullets. The relay explosion, on the other hand...more than a basic write-up is going to take time. She thought Hackett would be here by now. Kelly brings her a clean uniform and she changes while she waits. It's funny. The batarians make her think of Thane even more than they do the Blitz. She should be upset that they're all dead, but instead she's fiercely glad. Damn pirates.

"EDI, where is Hackett?" Shepard finally asks.

"Uh, Commander," Joker says hesitantly. "You should get up here. We've got a...uh...situation."

Shepard runs up to the bridge and into the cockpit where Joker, Mordin, and Miranda are staring at EDI's blue bubble with looks of shock on their faces. Omega hovers in the distance. "What's going on?" she asks. 

"We came through the relay into the Omega system," Joker says. "Well...sort of. EDI, maybe you should explain it."

"Shepard, the destruction of the mass relay seems to have caused a rift in the space-time continuum, a rift that we were sent through. According to my calculations, we are in the Omega system, but not the one in our own universe."

"Wait, what?" Shepard asks, disbelieving. 

"You have heard of the multiverse theory, correct?"

"Yeah, but it's just a theory. There's no way to really prove it, right?"

"It is a theory in the same way that gravity is a theory. Quantum physics has demonstrated its existence. According to the theory, every possible outcome triggers a split in our current universe. In one is the decision that is made and in another other, the one left unmade occurs, leading to an infinite number of possible universes. We have been sent into another of those possibilities."

"This is a joke, right?" Shepard asks.

"Not a joke," Mordin says seriously. "Nothing funny about this. Not the time for jokes."

"So how do we get back?" she asks.

"We don't," Mordin answers. "Rift closed. No way to follow it back. No way to control where another might lead if we could open it. Odds of ending up back in original universe infinitesimal. Stuck here. Problematic."

"Are you sure about this, EDI?" Shepard asks her. She can't believe it.

"I am positive. I have run the calculations 8,722 times."

What do they do now? If EDI says she's sure, then she's sure. She's never wrong. Still, maybe it's a glitch caused by the explosion. "Joker, run diagnostics on EDI."

"Jeff has already run them three times," EDI says, sounding miffed. "I assure you, I am working at optimal capacity and my calculations are correct."

This situation wasn't covered in N7 or Spectre training. The first thing in any situation, however, is intel. "So what's different about this universe?"

"I have run scans on major news networks and other sources. It seems that, interestingly, you were never attacked by the Collectors and rebuilt and thus were working with the Alliance rather than Cerberus. Your ship attempted to destroy the Collector base but failed. Jeff did not survive and you were kidnapped by the Collectors and are presumed dead." She hesitates. "That is not all. I have intercepted a distress call...from the _SSV Normandy SR-1_."

"What?" Shepard demands. 

"The call is coming from Lieutenant Alenko. Because you were with the Alliance rather than Cerberus, he never left the _Normandy_. He is requesting assistance. It seems the ship was badly damaged and forced to retreat back through the relay. They cannot make it even to Omega."

This is impossible to take in. Still, there's really only one thing to do. They may not be her crew from her universe, but it's still her crew out there. She can't leave them stranded. "Let's go get them then," she says.

"Advise caution," Mordin says. "Could be alternate versions of ourselves on other ship. Contact between the two...problematic."

"Well, you said Joker and I died on theirs. He and I can go scope it out and see what's going on. If there are any doubles, we come back here without them and figure out what to do."

"I judge the odds of doppelgängers to be less than one percent," EDI says. "Physical proximity is unlikely to be necessary. The simple existence of two of the same person in the same universe would be sufficient for disaster. This universe has not been destroyed by our presence; therefore, it is doubtful that any of our surviving crew has made it back through their relay."

"Better safe than sorry," Shepard decides. "Joker, find them and bring us in."

He turns his chair forward and begins to fly them through space to the coordinates EDI provides. Shepard is reeling from these revelations and part of her still thinks they're pulling an elaborate hoax. If they are, though, they're playing it well. They all look as pale and shocked as she feels. Then the ship comes into view. It's ripped apart almost as badly as her first _Normandy_ and is listing hard, but it's there. She's seeing it with her own eyes. Holy mother of god. They're in an alternate universe. So what's going to happen to theirs? Will the Reapers destroy it or will Anderson and Hackett be able to stop them? What will happen to Liara and her mother and everyone they've left behind? Do they even exist here?

"Uh, _SSV Normandy SR-1_ , this is the _SSV Normandy SR-2_ ," Joker says hesitantly. "We've received your distress call. Requesting permission to dock."

"Is this some kind of joke?" Kaidan's voice demands.

"No joke," Joker answers. "Trust me, we're just as surprised as you are."

There's a long hesitation and then Kaidan says, "Permission granted. But I want to meet your captain. He or she may bring one other person aboard. That's it." 

Joker docks with the ship and accompanies her to the airlock. When the doors open between the two ships, they're greeted by Kaidan, Jacob, and Liara with their guns drawn and trained on Shepard and Joker. Jacob is wearing an Alliance uniform. They see the pair and gasp. "What the hell is going on here?" Kaidan demands.

"It's a long story," Shepard answers. "I'm not quite sure myself."

"Who are you?"

"I'm Commander Shepard."

"Commander Shepard is dead."

"Sort of," she answers. "Can we put the guns down and talk?"

"Not until I get some answers. Come aboard slowly with your hands up."

Shepard does as he asks. She wants to tell them something only she could know to prove she is who she says she is, but she doesn't know how different things are here. Their histories may be nothing like her crew's. He leads them into the comm room. "Man, I forgot how dreary this ship was," Joker says, looking around the drab, dim interior. It looks so much like the old _Normandy_ during the Collector attack that Shepard shudders and sees him do the same. Unpleasant memories there for both of them.

They go into the briefing room and Kaidan says, "Explain yourself." He's still got her at gunpoint.

"You aren't going to believe me. Hell, I don't believe me. But here goes. I'm Commander Shepard. A few days ago, after disabling the Collector base, Admiral Hackett sent me on a mission to recover a deep-cover operative from a batarian prison. I did and the operative took me to a base on an asteroid where they'd uncovered a Reaper artifact she called Object Rho. The artifact gave me a vision like the ones from the Prothean beacons that showed the Reapers coming to the system in just over two days. They wanted to use the relay there to invade the rest of the galaxy. She and her crew were indoctrinated. They drugged me and held me captive for forty-eight hours. When I came to, I had just enough time to direct the asteroid into the mass relay and get my ship out of there. Somehow, the destruction of the relay opened a rift in the space-time continuum and we were sent here. We just got here a few hours ago, figured out what was going on, and intercepted your transmission."

"Bullshit," Kaidan says. 

"Wait! I have an idea!" Liara exclaims. "I can quickly determine whether or not she is telling the truth."

"The mind-meld thing," Shepard guesses. "Like you did after Eden Prime."

"Yes," she says.

"Do it," Shepard tells her.

"Be careful, Liara," Jacob says. "It could be some kind of trap."

"She cannot hurt me," she says. "Close your eyes," she tells Shepard.

"Embrace eternity," Shepard finishes.

"Yes," she says. Her eyes go black and Shepard feels their minds join. It's similar to the feeling of Harbinger in her brain, but not unpleasant. She feels familiar. Like Liara. In an instant, everything from the Battle of the Citadel until now flashes before her eyes and she gets a taste of what it must be like to live with the drell's eidetic memory. Everything is as vivid as if she were reliving it. Every moment with Thane, every conversation with Tali, gaining Jack's loyalty, Garrus killing Sidonis, fighting Morinth with Samara, hearing the news of Tali and Jacob's death, closing Jack's eyes, holding Thane while he died in her arms and carrying his lifeless body back to the ship. She'd be a little embarrassed at sharing some of the memories, but this is Liara. She may be another universe's version, but Shepard still can't feel embarrassment over things she would have told her own Liara about. 

She steps back. "I was an information broker in your universe?" she asks, sounding surprised and amused. 

"Yes. When I died, you went and found my body. Well, you know the story. You saw it."

"Wait," Jacob says. "You died there, too? So how are you here?"

Liara says. "She died in a Collector attack, one we weren't part of because our Council listened to us. Hers didn't and sent her on missions out in the edges of the Terminus. I helped recover her body and Cerberus--including her universe's version of you, Jacob--brought her back. They were the ones who helped us--the other versions of us--stop the Collectors. But she isn't with them anymore."

"How do you know she's not a clone or something?" Jacob asks.

"She isn't," Liara says with firm certainty. "She has all of our Commander Shepard's memories up until the point where the Council chose to support us and not them. That is where things begin to shift. But she is still Commander Shepard, just a different version. Her personality is...harder...than ours, but inherently still the same."

"You're sure about this?" Kaidan says, relaxing. "It's hard to believe. I mean, I trust you, Liara, and you have no reason to lie about this but it's still hard to believe."

"I'm sure. She's Commander Shepard and this is Joker who, unsurprisingly, is exactly the same as in our universe. You, apparently, never change," she says with a smile.

"Now what?" Joker asks.

Kaidan and Jacob holster their weapons. "Well, if Liara is sure," Kaidan says, "I suggest we get the hell off this ship. I don't think we can save her and, even if we could, we don't have the crew to fly her."

"Wait. Just to be certain," Shepard says, "who's left on this ship?"

"No one who is alive on yours" Liara answers. 

Kaidan says, "Our Commander Shepard--man, that's weird to say--kept building our team like we did in the fight against Saren. We lost a lot of people going through the relay, though. Garrus is gone. We had this salarian sent to us by STG and we lost him. And then most of the crew, including Dr. Chakwas, you, and Joker, were kidnapped and taken to the Collector base. We tried to get them, but they sent one of their ships after us and, well, look around. We had to retreat back through the relay."

Liara turns to Shepard. "The geth you turned over, our Shepard turned on. His name is Legion. He's been a loyal part of the crew ever since. Even Tali is friends with him."

" _Tali_ is friends with a _geth_?" Shepard asks incredulously. She's more astonished by that than the information that Tali is alive here. She’s dreaming. She has to be dreaming. She never actually woke up from sedation on the asteroid. Or she’s dead and this is her afterlife. Or she finally snapped and has gone insane.

"It was a rough start," Kaidan says, "but they worked it out."

Shepard thinks for a moment. Mordin is dead in this universe. Miranda either doesn't exist or isn't with them. She's Cerberus. She wouldn't be with the Alliance any more than Jack, Thane, Kasumi, or Zaeed would. It hurts thinking that Thane could be alive somewhere in this universe but isn't hers. Garrus is dead here. The crew who was kidnapped is all gone. "Do you have a krogan named Grunt?" she asks.

"No," Liara says. "We were never sent to get him. We did have the justicar, Samara, but she died."

Then none of this crew is the same as hers. "All right. Gather your people and come aboard my ship. We'll get our Dr. Chakwas and Mordin to look at the wounded. While you're doing that, I should probably go tell my crew what's going on."

"You have Mordin, too?" Kaidan asks.

"Yes. Why?"

"He's the salarian I told you about."

"Oh." That makes sense. She guesses this universe's Mordin never left STG. 

Joker and Shepard leave and she calls all of the crew into the mess hall. While they're coming, she explains to Mordin, EDI, and Miranda what they learned. "We have a situation here, people," she tells the crew when they arrive. "You've trusted me before. You're going to have to trust me again. Big time. When we destroyed the relay, we got sent into an alternate universe." The crew explodes into a cacophony of sound and she holds up a hand until they quiet down. She doesn't blame them. She barely believe it herself. Even having seen proof, it's bizarre. "If you have questions about the technicalities, you're going to have to ask EDI or Mordin. I'll admit, I don't quite understand it myself. But there's more. We can't get back. I know that's scary, but we knew the trip through the Omega 4 relay was likely a one-way trip and you came anyway. We'll adjust. We have no other choice."

"But what about our families?" Kelly asks.

"Should be same here," Mordin answers. "Slight differences possible, but seems primary differences happened just after Battle of Citadel. Shepard's original crew ones with most changes. She never died. Crew never split. Two years between death and return different for crew in this universe. Liara not information broker. Wrex never returned to Tuchanka. Tali never returned to flotilla. So on. Some of us never recruited."

"And those who were and survived in our universe are dead in this one," Shepard says, looking at Garrus. He looks startled but composes himself quickly. "So prepare yourselves for some reactions from their crew. It's going to be kind of hard on them to see people who died in their universe alive again. Miranda, fair warning, Kaidan isn't going to like you. Try not to provoke him. We're going to need him to get us all validated here in this universe because most of us are dead."

"Not necessarily, Shepard," EDI says. "Lieutenant Alenko has not had time to report back to the Council. As far as anyone not on board the other _Normandy_ is concerned, most of you are still alive."

"Well, that'll be helpful, at least. But what if we look different? Won't they be able to tell we're not this universe's version of us?"

"Again, the split did not happen until the Battle of the Citadel. Physically, you are the same. Your scars are new, Shepard, but it can be assumed that you obtained them on their last mission."

"Or you can simply let me perform the procedure to remove them and take away all question," Karin suggests.

"That might be easier," Shepard agrees. She wouldn't remove them before because of Thane, but he's gone now and he would want her to do whatever she could to make this transition easier. And if she's accepted as this universe's version of herself, she can make things easier on the crew as well. Speaking of the crew, she turns back to them. "We're all going to need some time to adjust. Once we finish up here, we'll go to the Citadel and take some shore leave, get our bearings in this new place, and figure out where to go from there. Try to make friends with this universe's crew. They're a lot like the old crew and they can help us navigate in this new territory."

"They're here," Joker says.

"Let them in," Shepard tells him and goes out onto the bridge to greet the newcomers. They come aboard with looks of wonder on their faces, though Kaidan and Jacob eye the new Alliance logo. "I'll give you the tour and you can put your things in the bunk rooms and settle in."

"So I'm dead, huh?" Kaidan asks.

"No," Shepard tells him. "Jacob is, but you wouldn't join me because I was with Cerberus. In my universe, you're stationed on Horizon."

"We went there," he says. "They got hit hard by the Collectors."

"In mine, too," Shepard tells him. "They got half the colony."

"Well, maybe I did some good, then. They got the whole colony in this one."

"Damn," she says softly. 

"Yeah. So you're really the same you?"

"I think so. I mean, I don't know what your me was like, but I'm the same me that I was before the Collector attack that killed me if that's what you're asking," she tells him.

"Shepard!" Wrex shouts, coming in behind him. He runs up to her and chest bumps hard. "Good to have you back. I hear I'm not the only krogan on this ship."

"Good to see you, too, Wrex," she says. "And no. You aren't. Which is going to be kind of strange because in our universe, Grunt was initiated into Clan Urdnot. Which you lead."

"Clan leader, eh?" he says. "How the hell did that happen?"

"You went back to Tuchanka when I died and took over. I stood with Grunt as his krantt in his rite of passage. We killed the thresher maw," she tells him with a gleam in her eye.

"Damn, Shepard! I was the last one to do that!" he says. 

"I know. I also head-butted a krogan who was giving you problems."

"Yep, same old Shepard," he says approvingly. "It really is you."

"It is strange," Liara says beside him. "I want to hug you because my Shepard was my best friend and it feels like having her back. I assume it was the same in your universe since I went to such lengths to recover your body. But I do not know what the protocol is for reunions such as these."

"I want to hug you, too," Shepard tells her. "You changed in my universe after I died. This you feels like the old Liara."

"Well, then," she says, and hugs her. "Welcome...back, I guess."

"Thanks," Shepard tells her. Garrus and Liara and Wrex. Get Tali in here and it'll be like old times. If it weren't for losing Thane and Jack, this would be a universe she could learn to like. 

"Move Liara," Tali says as though Shepard summoned her. "It's my turn. Well, as long as we were friends, too."

"Tali!" Shepard exclaims. They hug as well. Her sisters are here. 

"Yeah, yeah, I see this Shepard is just as much of a lovey-dovey Girl Scout as ours," a voice says derisively. 

"Jack!" Shepard exclaims, stunned. "I watched you die."

"Yeah, well, shit happens. What was I like in your universe?"

"Different," Shepard says, noting her Alliance uniform and that she actually has hair. It's buzzed on the sides and the top is pulled into a long ponytail, but she isn't bald. "You're Alliance?"

"Yeah. Our Shepard got me in the Navy."

"Did you blow up the facility on Pragia?" Shepard asks her.

She looks surprised. "Yeah. How did you know about that?"

"My Jack and I did it, too. But she wasn't Alliance."

"Yeah, well, good. I'm glad you did that. But if I find out you're lying about leaving Cerberus..."

"You'll rip my arms off and toss me out the airlock. I know."

She laughs. "All right, maybe you are the same as our Shepard. This is fucking weird."

"Hello, Shepard-Commander," and electronic voice says. "We are Legion."

Shepard turns to see the geth she gave to Cerberus standing in the entryway. "Hello, Legion," she says cautiously. 

"We are pleased to see that you are no longer non-functional," it says.

"Thanks, I think," Shepard says. "EDI, is your security safe?"

"Yes," she answers. "I have taken all necessary precautions."

"Legion's okay, Shepard," Tali says. "I was pretty pissed when you—when our Shepard decided to activate it, but it's been a good addition to the crew. He's my friend."

"Is this everybody?" Shepard asks, deciding to trust her. EDI was originally designed to spy on them and started out as a rogue VI Shepard fought on Luna. If a rogue VI can become a friend, so can a geth. She just hopes she doesn't accidentally shoot it in the middle of the night.

"It is now," a familiar voice says and all of the blood drains from her face. "I apologize for my tardiness, Commander." A man she would know in any universe walks forward and nods his head. It's him. It's Thane. She feels herself sway and, in a flash, he catches her. "Are you all right, Commander?" he asks. His voice is solicitous but doesn't have the same warmth as her Thane's and his hands on her are impersonal. This isn't her Thane. 

She straightens quickly. "I'm fine. Thank you."

"Am I to assume that my counterpart in your universe did not survive?" he asks calmly.

"Yes. No. Um, he died," she answers, flustered.

"I am sorry, Shepard," Liara says. "I should have warned you. I didn't think..."

"It's okay," Shepard says quickly, cutting her off. This isn't her Thane. He doesn't need to know. It'll just make things awkward. Shepard turns and leads them across the bridge and into the elevator. 

"Nice digs," Wrex says.

"It's much better than the old _Normandy_ ," Shepard agrees. "Tali, wait until you see the new drive core." The elevator doors open and she gestures to the Life Support room. "Thane, you...your counterpart...stayed there. It's more arid than the rest of the ship." Well, except for her cabin, but he doesn't need to know that, either. She can get the dehumidifying unit installed down here for him.

"Thank you," he says. "Am I to presume that he also had Kepral's?"

"Yes," she answers. "When we met, he was in the final stages of it. He told me he had about a year to live." And six months of that year was left when he died. Six months they should have had. Why, oh, why did her Thane have to die on the mission when another survived? And now he's part of her crew but he isn't her Thane. 

"Your version must have spent a significant amount of time in humid climates. Most of mine outside of assignments for the hanar and this mission has been spent under the dome on Kahje," he says. "It is not quite so advanced."

"Dome?" Thane never mentioned a dome.

"Yes. Our city is built under a dome the hanar created to provide an arid climate for us so that we may safely remain on the planet without falling ill."

"My Thane said the drell had to make do with keeping their homes dry," she tells him. 

"Ah. Then he was exposed to a much greater amount of humidity than in our universe. Well, you do not have to worry. I am in excellent health. I have many more years remaining."

That, more than anything, drives home that this isn't her Thane. Her Thane is waiting for her across the sea. Liara, Tali, and Wrex are close to her universe's counterparts but Jack and Thane are much different. "Good," she says. "Please, feel free to bunk here." He gives her one of his half-bows and the motion looks so much like her Thane that she feels like she's been kicked in the chest by an elcor. As soon as he begins to put his things away, she turns, saying, "Let me know if you need anything." She leads the rest of the group across the hall to the bunk room. 

"This is nice," Kaidan says. "Much better than the sleeper pods on our _Normandy_."

"Yes," Liara agrees. 

Shepard points out the bunks that are free and says, "Jack, your...counterpart...preferred the subdeck below engineering. You can stay here or take that space. Wrex, yours seemed to like the cargo hold. Same goes for you, though you'll have to bunk with Grunt. Tali, you have your own quarters in engineering if you'd like. Liara, I'm afraid your quarters behind the med bay are now the AI core."

"That is fine," Liara says. "Staying here will allow me to better get to know the new crew. Perhaps I can help them acclimate to the new universe."

"AI?" Tali asks.

"Yeah. EDI is a fully self-aware AI. I guess she's our universe's version of Legion. She's saved our asses more than once."

"Shepard," EDI says, "Legion would probably be most comfortable in the AI core. I can prevent any attempt at accessing our systems."

"If you say so," Shepard tells her.

"So, uh, how does chain of command work now?" Kaidan asks.

"That's a good question," Shepard answers. "When we were with Cerberus, Miranda was the XO, but we didn't get that straightened out after joining back up with the Alliance before getting kicked here. I guess you'd be the highest ranking officer after me. Though, I'm not sure since technically I'm dead here."

"I...guess I could leave that part out of my report," he says. "As long as you're sure you're really you and not with Cerberus anymore."

"Who's Miranda?" Jacob asks.

"She's ex-Cerberus as well," she explains to them. She thinks she could like this Kaidan. "And, for the record, I wasn't so much _with_ Cerberus as I was teamed up with them for that one mission because the Alliance and the Council in our universe refused to help. Cerberus was the only group that cared about the missing colonists. As soon as it was done, I split and so did Miranda. All of the crew that's here, actually. They got pardons from the Council and the Alliance after the fact in our universe. Jacob, you and Miranda were...close...in our universe. You might like her."

"Good," Kaidan says. "In that case, we just need to figure out a way to explain the new ship."

"I am working on that," EDI says. "There may be a way to send the old _Normandy_ back through the relay and utilize the fact that no other ships have ever come back through to explain the changes. The truth of the matter is, because they do not know what happened or could happen, they cannot truly refute anything we say as long as it sounds feasible. Lieutenant Alenko, I will work with you on this for your report. Together, we can create one for the Commander as well, utilitzing the one she sent for the mission in our universe."

"Sounds good, EDI," he says.

"All right," Wrex says, "enough talk. It's been a long day and I want to bunk down." Shepard leads them down to engineering. Liara comes with them. Shepard gets the impression she wants to talk. She introduces Wrex and Grunt and, after a few minutes of posturing, they accept each other. "So, Shepard, went and got yourself a full-grown krogan kid, did ya? Heh," Wrex laughs. "So if he's part of my clan in your universe, does that make us parents? Never thought you went for that kind of thing. You always preferred turians in this universe."

"You and Garrus were married in our universe," Liara explains. 

"Garrus and me?" Shepard asks in surprise. 

"You're not with him in your universe?" Tali asks.

"No. He was with you. So, uh, expect that it might be a little hard on him seeing you," Shepard warns her, thinking of Thane.

"With me?" she says happily. "Oh, thank the ancestors. I always liked him, but I felt so guilty about it because the two of you were inseparable. You were my best friend so I felt like I was betraying you."

"Well, my universe's Garrus and I are pretty much inseparable, too, but he's my best friend. Well, he and Liara and you and Jack. But Garrus and I were always the closest. Our Tali said something about us being together once and we both thought it was hilarious. I wonder what was different in your universe that changed that. I guess something must have happened in the two years that I was dead in mine and not in yours."

"No," she says. "You always loved him. And he always loved you."

"Weird," she says.

"Eh, it worked for you guys," Wrex says. 

"So how did you and Mordin get along?" Shepard asks.

"We didn't for a long time, but the doctor's got a quad on him. Then, when I saw how upset he was by his old student's experiments on Tuchanka, I kind of started to see him in a new light."

"You were there for that?" Shepard asks.

"Of course. It's my planet. And, after hearing what you said, I think I'm going to go back and take the clan from my brother, Wreav."

"You were a good clan leader," Grunt says. "Fierce and strong, but wise as well. Almost as good a battle master as Shepard."

"That's high praise, Runt," Wrex says.

"Grunt," Grunt growls.

"Boys!" Shepard says.

"Better watch out," Grunt says. "The last time she used that tone, she knocked me unconscious."

Wrex laughs. "All right, Shepard. I won't cause trouble on your ship. You say you and the boy killed the thresher maw?"

"We did," Grunt proclaims. "She promised me worthy foes and she has delivered. I would be honored to pit Clan Urdnot against her any day. Or her against Clan Urdnot."

Wrex laughs again. "If she really is like our Shepard, so would I. Though, I prefer her as ally rather than enemy."

"Good. Any enemy of Shepard's is an enemy of mine."

"He'll do," Wrex says.

"Good. With that settled, I'm going down to my room," Jack says. "Er, her room. This is going to be really fucking weird, Shepard."

"Yeah, I imagine is is," Shepard says. "Her stuff is still down there. We can clean it out if you want. She didn't have much."

"Nah. Leave it. It's weird, but in a way, it's kind of my stuff, too. Maybe it'll make it feel more like home."

She leaves and Shepard takes Tali and gets her set up in engineering. She introduces her to Ken and Gabby who are showing Engineer Adams around. As before, Tali is amazed at the drive core and immediately joins in the conversation with the others. It's bittersweet, seeing her reaction again. She may be from another universe and friends with a geth, but she's still Tali. With them settled, Liara and Shepard get back on the elevator.

"I am sorry I did not warn you about Thane," Liara says when we're alone. "You know how exhausting the joining is and I was so surprised by the revelations about myself that I am afraid I just did not think." She wrings her hands in a way that is so Liara it makes Shepard's chest tight. "I do not mean to pry, but I got the impression you did not want him to know about your relationship with your universe's Thane."

"I don't," Shepard tells her. "He's not my Thane and I don't want to make things awkward for him. I don't want him to think he's obligated to try and step in or that I expect him to step into my Thane's place. He's very similar to my Thane and that's going to be hard, but it shouldn't be hard on him, too."

"I have gotten to know this Thane. His history is very different from yours. I will not go into detail as it is his story to tell if he chooses, but it is different, unlike many of the others. I can see how you feel that way."

"I won't lie to him about it. I just think it's best if he doesn't know. No pressure, you know?"

"I understand. It is good to know Garrus is back. From your memories, he seems the same as ours, aside from your differing relationships."

"You two were close in my universe. He always called you T'Soni like it was a nickname."

"He did in ours as well."

Shepard lets her out at the crew deck and goes up to the bridge to talk to Joker. "It's weird having everybody back," he says. "The whole crew is here. But we're in the wrong place. How are you holding up with Thane being back?"

"He's not back," she says. "Same body, mostly, same name, but not the same Thane."

"Could've fooled me."

"His mannerisms and speech are the same, but it isn't our Thane. Liara, Wrex, Tali, they're the same. But Jack, Kaidan, and Thane are different."

"Jack's history is slightly different in this universe," EDI answers. "Things are not exactly the same even before the Battle of the Citadel. I theorize that, since time is not as linear as it appears, the split between universes sent minor changes rippling out in all directions. We are simply fortunate that it is as similar as it is and that we did not arrive in a universe where one plus one equals three."

"EDI, I've had my mind blown quite enough for one day without that being on it," Shepard tells her. "I'm going to my cabin. We can make a plan for the damn Collector base...again...tomorrow."

"Aye aye, ma'am."

Garrus walks in to find her staring blankly at the fish tank. Thane is two decks below but it isn't Thane. Every bit of the pain she'd felt and pushed down for the sake of the mission is roaring back, threatening to overwhelm her. She was barely making it through the day before. How is she supposed to do it now when at any moment she could turn and see him standing there?

"Hell of a day, huh, Shepard?" Garrus asks, taking a seat beside her. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm not," she says.

"Tali came to talk to me," he reveals.

She looks at him sharply, studying his face. "You okay?"

He sighs. "I don't know. I don't feel like I know anything anymore. You've accepted all of this remarkably well."

Shepard says, "I probably should be surprised by how easily I've accepted Mordin and EDI's alternate universe theory, but I've died and come back. If you'd told me four years ago that I'd be in command of the _Normandy_ , we'd be fighting a race of sentient machines that wiped out the Protheans, I'd die and be brought back to life by Cerberus of all things, survive a trip through the Omega 4 relay, or blow up a mass relay I'd have called you a madman for any one of those, much less all of them. Anything seems possible now. 

"Besides, it's kind of hard to deny when my dead husband is standing across the room. Unless I'm just dead again or in a coma somewhere and this is all imaginary. But it feels real and I can't just deny what's happening because it seems impossible. If they say we're stuck here, I have to believe them and act accordingly. The threat here needs to be dealt with."

He sighs and puts an arm around her shoulder. "When you put it that way, yeah. We've been through a lot together, haven't we?"

"You aren't getting any ideas, are you Garrus?" she asks him wryly.

He shudders. "I still can't believe there's a version of me with a fetish for humans. Don't get me wrong, there's no one I respect more than you and you're about the only friend I have left in this screwed-up galaxy, and if I were human or you were turian I might consider it. But how would that even work? You're squishy, Shepard."

"How'd you make it work with Tali?" she asks. "I've always wondered because of the suit."

"Quarians are basically similar to turians from the waist down and humanoid from the waist up. Same hands as the turians, too, but without the talons. It worked once her body adapted to mine. It still blows my mind that she was willing to risk her life just to be with me. I was terrified the first time we were together. It took over a year for her to convince me to even try. How'd you and Thane make it work?" he asks.

She says, "He was remarkably similar to a human male below the neck. There were slight differences. The toes had more webbing between them than a human's and that kind of threw me for a bit but most of their physical differences are on the inside. Well, except for the skin, but I loved his skin. It was beautiful. He had these dark stripes almost like he was tattooed. Fortunately, I wasn't allergic to the oils in his skin. Mordin said some humans are. It did have a slight hallucinogenic effect which made things interesting at times. But, for the most part, it was the same."

"We're going to get through this, right?" he asks.

She sighs. "We don't have any other choice, do we?"

"I guess not," he says.

"Is it sad that I'm a little bit jealous of myself?" Shepard asks. "At least she got to go out with her partner. Thane and I...we were supposed to go down together. If it had just been the two of us, I wouldn't have left that base. Kasumi was the only reason I left. I couldn't sentence her to die. But if he and I had gone alone, we'd have died together and then the rest of you wouldn't be stuck here away from your families. There are so many other ways that I could have handled that damn mission. If I had waited until the shields were upgraded, Tali and Jacob would still be here. Jack would be alive because Tali would have been at the door and she'd have gotten it fixed in seconds. 

"If we'd had more people, I'd likely have chosen a different crew for the final battle and Thane wouldn't have been in that exact spot and he wouldn't have died. If he had been alive, he never would have agreed to me going into that prison alone and I probably would have let him come. They never would have known he was there. If there had been two of us, those soldiers wouldn't have gotten the drop on me and we'd have had two days to get everyone out of the system and we wouldn't be here now. We'd be at home with our loved ones."

"And Thane would still be dying," Garrus points out.

"We'd have had more time," she says. "He and Kolyat would have had more time. He was strong. Who knows? Maybe he would have survived long enough for a cure. The hanar were working on one. Breakthroughs happen all the damn time."

"And maybe he would have been shot by one of those soldiers. Maybe being in that prison would have triggered a memory for him at the exact wrong time and incapacitated him at a vital moment. You don't know, Shepard. Stop blaming yourself. You're not perfect. You couldn't have known that the IFF would draw the Collectors."

"That was the last thing we needed to do before going to the relay. I'd held off for everything else. I should have waited for the damn shields!" she exclaims. "You're not going to convince me otherwise, Garrus. I fucked up. You can admit that. You can be angry at me for that. I killed Tali, Jacob, Jack, and Thane because I got impatient. My desire for expedience above everything else was a mistake."

"Exactly," he says, unphased by her anger. "Commander Fucking Shepard made a mistake. You're allowed to do that. It's not the end of the world."

"Yeah, Garrus," she says, rising to pace. "It is, actually. It's the end of our world. The Reapers are _in_ our galaxy and we were the only ones taking them seriously. Maybe, _maybe_ Anderson and Hackett can convince the Council. But do you really think they're going to listen? They didn't listen to a damn word I said when I was there and working for them. You think they're going to give a damn about thirdhand information attached to me?" His eyes widen as what she's saying sinks in and she feels ashamed by her outburst. She was hoping to keep the crew from thinking about it and he has parents and a sister to worry about. "Shit. I'm sorry, Garrus."

He shakes his head. "It's all right. I'd have thought of it myself eventually, once all of the other shocks wore off. Damn Reaper bastards."

"EDI is trying to figure out a way to get us home but it doesn't look good. I don't want the others to know about this."

"Don't worry. I won't spread it around. How long ago did you figure it out?"

"Pretty much immediately," she answers, staring at the fish. Their lives were so simple. Swim and eat. Not a care in the world.

"And you've been dealing with that knowledge by yourself all day?" he asks. She nods. "Damn it, Shepard. You can't hold that kind of thing in. It'll eat you alive. You need to learn to share the burden."

"Why?" she asks. "So you can be miserable, too?"

"I'd rather be miserable and informed than blissfully unaware," he says.

"I think I'd rather have the blissful ignorance," she replies.

"Bullshit," he snorts. "You're too much of a control freak for that. And you don't hide your head in the sand."

"You're right," she agrees.

"You sure you're going to be okay?" he asks.

"I don't have a choice," she answers. "I just have to get used to my dead husband walking around...."


	2. Chapter 2

The following morning, Shepard calls everyone into the comm room. It's bizarre, seeing the combination of her old crew with the new. What's even more bizarre is seeing those crewmembers who were dead twenty-four hours ago filing into the room. She'd pulled Miranda aside last night and warned her about Jacob, but she and Garrus still look as shaken as Shepard feels at seeing their dead walk in but they shake it off. They know what they need to do and, while they're not happy about it, they understand its importance. 

"All right, Kaidan," Shepard says to Kaidan when they're all gathered. "Tell me exactly what happened."

"Admiral Hackett located a derelict Reaper ship and sent us there to collect its IFF device to get us through the relay. The commander wanted to run some tests on it before we activated it. She sent us off the ship, saying that if there were issues, she wanted an outside strike team who could deal with them. I received a transmission from her saying that the IFF had sent out a signal and drawn a Collector ship like the one on Horizon. Collectors had overrun the _Normandy_. She was fighting them, but they overwhelmed her and the communication cut out. We didn't find her body, so we assume they took her. She's presumed dead.

"We used the IFF to get through the relay, but when we got there...there was so much debris from other ships and I'm no Joker. So when the Collector ship attacked, we had no choice but to retreat. Just fighting to get out of there nearly destroyed the _Normandy_. The guns overheated and exploded, killing Garrus. The beam cut through the med bay and mess hall and got Mordin and Samara. The rest of us were lucky to survive. We were trying to limp back to Omega for help when you showed up." He pauses. "Commander, are you sure you came to us? Maybe I screwed something up and sent my people to the wrong place. Time. Whatever."

"Lieutenant Alenko, my calculations can be trusted," EDI says. "We are in your universe. The Omega 4 relay does not have the power to create such a rift."

"All right, people. Regardless of where we are, the Collectors still need to be stopped," Shepard says. "The good news is that some of us have already been here and we know what to expect, assuming it's as similar as everything else here. We know this ship can do it and with the upgrades we installed before we got sent here, we can expect to make it through without further casualties. EDI, pull up the base." 

A holo flickers up. "Our first objective is to overload their critical systems through the main control center here," she tells the newcomers. "That means going through the heart of the station, right past this central chamber. If your crew or any of the colonists are still alive, that's where they are. There are two main routes. We'll split up to keep the Collectors off balance, then regroup in the central chamber. However, someone will need to sneak in through this ventilation shaft here. Legion, that's you. Now, you're going to need to work _fast_ once you hit the door. Jack died trying to get it closed."

He straightens. "We will not disappoint you, Shepard-Commander."

She nods. "The rest of us will break into two teams and fight down each passage. We'll draw the Collectors' attention away from what you're doing. Kaidan will lead the second fire team with Miranda and meet up with us on the other side of the doors. We aren't going in blind this time, but I won't lie to you," she says, addressing the group, "it still isn't going to be easy. Once we're in, they're going to throw everything they have at us. If we're weak, if we're slow, if we hesitate, we'll die. I know you've lost good people and I can't promise we won't lose more. The Collectors attacked your ship. They took your crew, your friends and they forced you into retreat. They think you're helpless. They're wrong! They started a war, but we're not here to finish it. We're here to make them regret--to show them and everyone else what happens when you go too far. No more running and no more waiting. Let's hit them where they live. They want to know what we're made of? I say we show them. On our terms. Let's bring your people home." 

She looks around the room and again they make her proud. They're standing tall. The new crew has no idea what they're walking into, but they're not afraid. The old crew, those who've done it before, know exactly what they're facing and they're willing to do it all again for a galaxy that isn't theirs. Now she just has to figure out who to bring with her. Garrus and Thane did well last time but she doesn't know if she can handle it again. Then she remembers the vents. They need speed. And speed means...she sighs. 

"Garrus, Thane, you're with me. The rest of you, go with Kaidan." 

She walks over to Miranda and asks, "Can you handle being on a team with Jacob?" as they go up to the cockpit. She nods and they take places behind Joker's seat. Kaidan joins them. The relay glows its sinister orange. "Approaching the Omega 4 relay," Joker says. "Again. Everyone stand by."

"Let's make it happen," Shepard says.

"Reaper IFF activated," EDI says, confirming the point of no return. "Signal acknowledged."

"Commander," Jacob says over the comm, "the drive core just lit up like a Christmas tree!" Miranda and Shepard look at each other. Talk about déjà vu.

"Drive core electrical charge at critical levels," EDI says.

"Rerouting," Joker responds. Ahead of them, the relay glows brightly as it senses them and activates. They fly past the rotating wheels in the center of its mass effect field. Here they go again. Orange pulses like lightning fly out and grab them and they shoot through. The window is a field of blurred color. 

"Brace for deceleration," EDI warns. Miranda and Shepard are already locked onto the back of Joker's seat. Suddenly, the blur of color snaps back into focus and the field is filled with debris. He's ready for them this time, though, and the ride is much smoother. She looks up and sees the massive station hovering in the rings around the star. "There's the Collector base," she says for Kaidan's benefit. "Take us in. Nice and easy."

He flies closer to the ship and then EDI says, "Careful, Jeff. We have company."

"Taking evasive maneuvers," he says as the oculi begin firing at them. "Damn it! Now they're just pissing me off!"

"Alert," EDI says. "Hull breach on engineering deck."

"It's in the cargo hold again?" 

"I'll deal with the it," she says with a sigh. "You get the rest of them. Kaidan, come with me. Joker, get Grunt down there."

"Aye aye, Commander," Joker says.

They take the elevator down to the cargo hold where the giant flying orb with a glowing red eye has punched through the hull again. It sees them and begins firing its laser. "Take cover!" she warns Kaidan as she pulls out the particle beam gun and waits for the thing to stop firing. It flies out of a hole in the hull as Joker says, "Time to lose them in the debris field!" Grunt, Kaidan, and Shepard find something to hold onto and Grunt grabs her arm. "Good thing we upgraded," Joker says. "We're going in."

"Everybody clear engineering now!" Shepard orders over the comm. She's not taking any chances.

The ship jolts and bounces and metal scraping on metal resonates through the hold. "Kinetic barriers at forty percent," EDI says. 

"Reroute non-critical power," Joker tells her. Shepard can hear debris scraping the hull, but no explosion. "Damage report!" Joker demands.

"Kinetic barriers holding at thirty percent," EDI replies. "No significant damage."

"Oh, thank God. Take the helm, EDI. Keep it slow. You hear that, Shepard?" he asks. "We made it. Oh, and get ready for round two."

Sparks fly and metal screams as the thing's laser cuts through the hull. "Quit tearing up my ship, damn you!" she shouts as they run across the hold away from the beam. It bursts through and they dive for cover. She knows what to do this time. The particle beam does its damage and the thing explodes.

"Shepard," Kaidan says. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she tells him. 

The elevator door opens and they run across the bridge to the cockpit. "We're here," Miranda says.

"And look," Joker says with feigned enthusiasm, "it's the welcoming party."

The dirty bug's nest ship is heading for them. It fires and Joker evades. "Take it out," she says with relish. A blue ray fires from the _Normandy_ and cuts across the sky. It hits the Collector ship and Joker leaps in his seat. "How do you like that, you sons-of-bitches?" He fires again and the Collector ship explodes and he dodges the chunk that comes flying at them. They make a smooth landing on the station and he says, "Hey! I didn't break anything this time!"

"Everybody to the airlock! Time to go!" Shepard orders. They jump down from the ship and break off into their teams. Thane and Garrus follow her into the station without hesitation. Legion says over the comm, "We are in position. Temperatures are elevated but within acceptable limits."

"Second team, are you in position?"

"In position," Kaidan confirms. "See you soon."

As before, Collectors immediately swarm them and Kaidan's group faces the same, but with the larger number of people, they're making better time than before. Her group is as well and, this time, they're able to get the vents open quickly. Harbinger's insults seem trite and pitiful. They make it to the door in record time. Legion gets it open and she shoves Thane and Garrus through while she covers them until Thane grabs her and pulls her in as the doors slam shut. Legion's fine. "Good job," she tells him. 

"Shepard!" Liara screams. "No! Get her out!"

"What are you waiting for?" Shepard demands of the others. They're just standing there. "Get them out!" She doesn't blame the new group for not knowing what to do, but she'd have thought the old crew would have been working on them already. 

"Shepard," Garrus says softly, his eyes locked on the pod Liara is beating her fists against. The rest of the group's attention seems riveted on it as well. He shakes himself. "We're too late. We need to get moving."

"Liara," Shepard says, not understanding. She can't see the pod. "Come on. We need to go." 

She tries to step between Thane and Kaidan to get to Liara, but Kaidan blocks her and Thane grabs her around the waist. "No!" he says. 

"What the hell? Stand down, both of you!" she orders and the group parts to let her through. There's a person in there, a woman, though she can't see who it is because Liara's hand is covering the glass over her face. The asari's shoulders are shaking and Tali rushes over and puts her arms around her. Shepard starts to move them out of the way and Thane grabs her again. He's trying to turn her around. The other pods have already been emptied but they can still save this one. The pod is active! She's about to be liquefied! Why are they fighting her? "What's your problem? Get her out of there!" Shepard shouts. "Hurry!"

"It is too late, Shepard," Thane says. "She is dead. You do not need to see this."

"I've seen it before!" Shepard tells him. "I know what's about to happen. She's not dead. It's some kind of stasis. They're going to wake her up and liquefy her. We have to open the pod!" Shepard tries to jerk away from him but succeeds only in turning herself to face the pod. She's straining against him and he's holding her waist tightly, not letting her move. Tali pulls Liara back and as her hand slides away, Shepard understands. 

The woman in the pod is her. Her hair is a little longer and her face isn't scarred, but it's her all the same. She freezes, horrified, as the tank gurgles and her skin begins to slough. Her eyes open and bore into Shepard's as she screams. It's all the distraction Thane needs. He pulls her back into the group. Garrus comes over and pulls her to him, holding her face against his armor, while the others form a wall of bodies between her and the nightmare in the tank. She's being liquefied. She can hear the sound of her own screams echoing through the cavernous chamber and she's not sure which version of herself is screaming. Hands cover her ears, muffling the noise. 

"It's all right, Shepard. It's all right," Garrus says soothingly. 

"Please tell me this has all been a horrible nightmare and I'm going to wake up soon," she begs. 

"Shut it down," he says firmly. "You can't crack now. We need you. You can break when we make it back through that relay. You did this before right after Tali died. Is this really any worse?" 

His words put it into perspective. "No. No, it's not." 

Shepard hears Liara crying. She's not sure what to do. Does she go to her? Does she leave her to Tali? Shepard says her name and Liara decides for her, coming over and throwing herself into Shepard's arms. "I'm sorry, Shepard. I'm so sorry," she says.

"You don't need to be sorry. I'm right here. Come on, I'm still the same Shepard you fought Saren with, right? I can't have changed that much. It was just a body. I'm here. It's okay."

"We could have saved you! If we hadn't retreated, we'd have made it in time!"

"If you hadn't retreated, you'd be dead and the other me would still have died. There was _nothing_ you could have done," Shepard tells her.

"Why are they doing this?" she asks. "What did they just do to her?"

"They've been processing humans to turn into a human Reaper," Shepard says, letting her go. "It's here on the station and we have to get rid of it." 

"Why didn't you mention this before?" Kaidan asks.

"Because we have to take this one step at a time," she answers. "The crew was already dead. We left as soon as EDI called us back to the ship and only just saved them. We made it within minutes. There wasn't enough time here no matter what we did. Now, we need to shake this off and get to our next objective: the main control room right above us. We have to go through a chamber that runs parallel to this one. Unfortunately, it's overrun with seeker swarms. Samara, can you create another biotic field to keep them from getting near us?"

"Yes," Samara says. 

"Good. You're up. Thane, Garrus, with me. The rest of you provide a diversion by going through the main passage. We'll open the security doors from the other side and meet you there. Kaidan, you take the diversion team."

"Wait," Miranda says. "We have Jack and Liara this time and far more people. One of them could create a second bubble and provide a backup team."

"It is a good idea," Samara agrees. "We'll move through faster. I'm not sure how much longer I could have held it at the end had we run into further trouble."

"Done. Zaeed, Liara, go with Jack. There isn't much room in there, so spread out where you can. Otherwise, stay behind us and watch our backs."

Samara creates the glowing blue biotic bubble around them while Jack does the same for her team and they go in. The seeker swarms batter against it but it holds once more. They make it through and are beginning the long walk to the end when Harbinger throws them something new. There had been a lot of Collectors the last time, but this time husks swarm over the walls, accompanied by abominations and the heavy scions in addition to the Collectors. She can hear Jack's team fighting behind them. Liara throws out a singularity field and catches the husks.

"Scion!" she shouts. 

"Take the barrier!" Jack tells her. From the corner of her eye, Shepard sees Liara's barrier overlap with Jack's for a moment before Jack's comes together in a jagged spear and she throws it at the scion in a shockwave. The scion goes down. From that point on, they work together, alternating between the barriers and their skills while Shepard's group clears a path ahead. 

She's dealing with a scion of her own when she sees movement in her peripheral vision and something slams into her back, making her stumble. A pack of abominations has come over the edge of the walkway and they pile on her. She reaches back and grabs one by the skull like a bowling ball and throws it forward. There's a flash of green and then the weight lifts. She turns to see Thane flowing around them like water, snapping necks and firing with his pistol. Garrus has taken the scion. One of the Collectors starts to glow and Shepard shoots him in the head before Harbinger can take full control. That's the last of them. She looks back at the other team to see them facing down an oncoming flood of troops.

"Zaeed, come on!" she shouts, waving him to her. He passes into their barrier and she gestures him and Garrus through the door and follows as Samara, Jack, Thane, and Liara throw a biotic wave that makes the one Samara did on her own look like child's play. The entire station seems to tremble with the force of it. 

"Shepard, do you copy?" Kaidan asks over the comm. "What the hell was that?"

"I copy. Just a little biotic fun. What's your position?"

"We're at the door. They've got us pinned down!" 

"We're on our way!" She goes to work on the door. She gets it open in moments and the squad rushes in, firing behind them as they come. "Seal the door!" Shepard says and Tali takes her place so she can join the firing line. She gets the door closed and they all stop to breathe. They're almost there. And this time they're blowing this damn place to hell. Maybe that's why they were sent here. Maybe that's what made the difference. The Illusive Man is unscrupulous. What if he uses the salvaged base for his own ends? There's no telling the kind of damage he could do if he decides to use it to increase his own power rather than try to find a way to stop the Reapers. Honestly, with the way it indoctrinates people, does anyone need access to this technology? She begins to think she was too hasty in deciding to keep the station intact before.

"Okay, guys," she says. "These platforms will take us to the main control console. From there, we can overload the system and destroy the base."

"Commander," Joker says urgently, "remember the giant group of creepy bugs on the other side of the door last time? Well, they've arrived and it looks like they brought their friends. You've got scions out there, too."

"Great," she says. She jumps up onto the platform. This time, though, she is bringing a different team. She's handled Thane being there so far but she can't watch him die again. Different people would make a different outcome. "Garrus, Liara, you're with me. Kaidan, you lead the group here. The Collectors have blindsided their targets. Hit and run. As powerful as they are, they're cowards. They've never had to stand and fight the best of us. That's you. We win or lose in the next few minutes. I don't know if they can feel fear, but we're damned sure going to give them the opportunity. Hit them hard. One way or another, it ends here!"

"Now _that's_ a pep talk!" Grunt says, giving her the krogan stomp.

"We'll do our best. Good luck, Shepard," Kaidan says.

The platform begins to move down the long tube and the Reaper comes into view. They dock and she says, "Go for the tubes, but be prepared: it's going to come back up. When it does, hit the eyes and for god's sake, stay off of that forward platform! Without the Illusive Man interfering, I might be able to get the charge set and get us out of here before then, though." 

"Are we saving the base again?" Garrus asks.

"Nope. This time, we blow it up." They fire quickly and the supports collapse, sending the Reaper crashing down and cutting off its supply. "Shepard to ground team. Status report!" she says.

"We're holding," Kaidan says, "but there are a lot of them. I think the whole damn station has converged on us. Make it quick, Shepard."

"Head to the _Normandy_ ," she tells him. "We've got it from here. Joker, be ready."

"Just waiting on you," he says.

She sets the nuke and says, "Let's move. In fifteen minutes, this thing is going to go off." She releases the control terminal back down and it seals. The platform shakes and there's a roar as the Reaper grabs onto the platform and rises, glowing. Damn it! Adrenaline surges through her again, but this time she has Liara and Garrus, the original dream team, and she gave them extra time just in case.

"Hit the eyes!" she reminds them.

They do and the thing's head explodes and it goes down. The explosion causes the other platforms to tilt and slide. They roll across it as it lifts and spins in the air, flying away. It crashes into something but this time she's wearing her helmet and she's just rattled rather than knocked out. The other two get up as well. 

"Do you copy?" Joker shouts over the comm. "Commander! Come on, Shepard, answer me! Do you copy?"

"I'm here, Joker. Did the other team make it?"

"They're all on board. We're just waiting on you."

A dark cloud of seeker swarms forms and Harbinger's voice emanates from it with his tired message. The Collectors chase them, firing. All of the ones that Kaidan's group had been holding off of us have found them. They run, but this time they leapfrog. One lays down cover fire until the others get into position and then they run forward again. Ahead, the _Normandy_ rises and the airlock door opens. She pushes Liara and Garrus ahead. Samara, Jack, Thane, Miranda, and Kaidan appear. Miranda wraps the three on the ground in a kinetic barrier while the others send out their shockwave. The blast takes out the Collectors but knocks the piece of debris loose that comes crashing down between them. She's going to have to jump again. She leaps and catches the edge. Thane and Garrus grab her arms and haul her up. The door slams behind them and EDI takes off. She limps forward to the cockpit.

"Detonation in ten...nine...eight..." EDI counts down. 

"Yeah, I got it, EDI!" Joker says. "Hold on!" 

They fly through the debris field as the explosion chases them. Then there's a flash of orange and a blur of color as they shoot through it. She's fully conscious this time, so she's able to see the orange wave that sends them back into the Omega system and hear the cheers of the combined crew. They did it! Dr. Chakwas and Mordin have their hands full patching everyone back up, but everyone survived. They didn't lose a single person. The victory is bittersweet. It's hard to realize that, had she been patient and obtained the necessary upgrades to the ship they wouldn't have lost the people they did in the first place. Their success now just confirms that their deaths are her fault. She shakes it off, though. There will be time to feel guilty later.

She had thought before that she couldn't be more proud of her team but she was wrong. She gathers them in the comm room and says, "The mission was a success. We have destroyed the Collectors, their base, and the Reaper. I just want to say how proud I am of each and every one of you. To my original crew, you have exceeded my expectations. You've now followed me on not one but two suicide missions and not once have I heard you complain. This isn't our universe, but none of you even questioned the necessity of going back and doing it again to save people you don't even truly know. You set aside your own personal losses to focus on the mission and have handled admirably the presence of our lost. Believe me, I know how difficult that is." 

She turns to this universe's crew and says, "I'm proud of you as well. You have done honor to your counterparts that we knew. I'm as much of an unknown to you as you are to me and yet you didn't balk at following me even after everything you went through on your first attempt. You watched your commander die and I'm sorry that we couldn't save her, but I admire the wherewithal you showed in continuing on. You didn't argue, you didn't question. You just did what needed to be done and I can assure you that she would have been proud of you as well. 

"All of you have astounded and impressed me. You came together and worked as a team even though we were thrown together in this crazy situation little more than forty-eight hours ago. You've all exceeded my wildest expectations. I'd be honored to have any of you at my back at any time." They stand tall, they stand proud, but most importantly they stand together. Kaidan, Jacob, and Jack salute. "Now, I think we've all earned a little shore leave! Joker, take us to the Citadel."


	3. Chapter 3

"We are grateful for your efforts against the Collectors, Commander," the asari councilor says. "When Councilor Anderson came to us for help, we did not see how the Collectors connected to the Reapers but could not turn down his request after what you did for the Citadel. But now, with the news of the human Reaper being created, we see our faith in you was not misplaced. We hope that Officer Vakarian and Doctors T'Soni and Solus were able to be of assistance in your mission."

Shepard is stunned. They look the same. Their names are the same. Their voices sound the same. But this is definitely not the same Council she's spent the last several years fighting with. They've accepted EDI's explanation about the changes to the _Normandy_ without question even though there was no way they could have pieced together enough ships to make the new one. They accept that she's the same Shepard. Hell, they even seem to like her. Liara has told her that the other Shepard was much more relaxed and far less ruthless than she is. She makes her sound like a damn paragon of justice and virtue. Shepard was like that before she died but then she lost hope with everything that came after. Is that what she could have been like in her universe if the Council had just listened to her? And could she be like that again in this one?

"It was an honor to help," she says. 

"We are aware that stopping the Collectors does not equal stopping the Reapers," the turian councilor says. "Please know that we will provide what assistance we can in furthering your mission."

She has an idea that may be able to help save the batarians in this universe. It seems the batarian Hegemony is mostly peaceful here, which is strange. They still have their merc groups just like every other race, but for the most part it's the vorcha who are the real dirty dealers in this universe. "I've received a tip from an anonymous source regarding a Reaper artifact in batarian space," she tells them, crossing her fingers that this will work. "It seems that this artifact is responding to the Reapers and the scientists involved have been able to pinpoint the time of their arrival to about ten days from now. The Reapers intend to use that relay to invade the galaxy. We can't stop them from arriving, but we can stop them from using the relay. The scientists have formulated a plan, but it is a dangerous one."

"We're listening," the Salarian councilor says. 

Here goes nothing. "The scientists propose sending the asteroid on which the artifact is located into the relay and destroying it. However, the system will need to be evacuated first or all of its inhabitants will be killed, by the Reapers if not the explosion itself. I suggest evacuating the system immediately and allowing us to destroy the relay."

"Are you certain that would even work?" the Asari councilor asks.

"Yes. It's an asteroid the size of a planet. At the velocity they propose, it would work."

"Why can't the scientists do it?" the turian councilor asks.

"They've been indoctrinated by extended exposure to the artifact. They won't do it and will heavily resist any outside attempts to do so."

"Then we must act quickly," the salarian councilor says. "We will give the evacuation order immediately."

"The Alliance fleet stands ready to assist," Anderson offers.

"Thank you, but this needs to be done by a single ship. There won't be enough time to get a fleet out of there before the relay is destroyed."

"In that case," he says, "we will assist in the evacuation. We'll let you know when the evacuation is complete and we wish you luck. In addition, we're sending you two more soldiers. James Vega and Steve Cortez. Cortez is a shuttle pilot and Vega distinguished himself in the efforts against the Collectors."

Holy shit. It worked! They're going to have time, there's no need for secrecy. She knows in advance that they're indoctrinated and what they'll try, so it won't be a last-minute escape and she doesn't have to go in solo this time. "Thank you, Councilors," she says with feeling.

She returns to the ship to find Garrus in the mess hall. He's using the table to disassemble and clean his rifle. She gets hers from the armory and sits down across from him to do the same. They sit together in companionable silence for a time before he says, "How you holding up?" 

She knows he's talking about Thane and says, "Probably about as well as you. How are you handling having Tali back on the ship?"

He doesn't answer for a moment and then says, "It's strange. I have all of these memories of her that she doesn't, but--aside from being friends with a geth--she's just like the old Tali. It's hard to separate those feelings and realize she's a different person. I can feel them transferring over to the new Tali and it makes me uneasy. It's so simple to just fall into old routines without thinking about it but that seems disloyal to my Tali and unfair to this new one."

"Our Tali would want you to be happy," Shepard tells him. "I think she was enough of a romantic that she would like it that, even in another universe, you still love her."

"Yes, but what if quarian heaven and turian heaven are the same place and she's up there waiting for me at some bar like your Thane across the ocean? If I get involved with this version of Tali, the one I originally fell in love with would end up alone. And how do I know that I love this Tali because of who she is or because she's simply a stand-in for the first one?"

"I don't know, Garrus," Shepard sighs. "I'm just a soldier. This is all thinking way above my pay grade. That's part of why I've been avoiding this universe's Thane. Mine is waiting for me. This one isn't the same person but he's just close enough that I could get them mixed up in my head. It would be like falling for my Thane's twin brother. As similar as they may be, they're not the same. I keep having to remind myself of that. It's hard sometimes, though, not to run into that room and throw myself at him just to pretend for a little while. But it wouldn't be him. It's different for you. This Tali has all of the same history up until a couple of years ago. For all intents and purposes, she is our Tali."

He slams the towel down in a rare show of frustration. "The universes aren't fair. I've always known that, but this is a glaring reminder of just how unfair it can be. It takes Thane, Jacob, and Tali from you, Miranda, and me and then puts different versions of them down right in front of us before we've even had a chance to accept that they're gone. How do we _not_ screw this up?"

"I'm with Shepard," Miranda says, sauntering in. "I've been avoiding the new crew, but especially Jacob. I don't know which would be worse, having him here and different or having him here and the same."

"Both options suck," Shepard says, cleaning the barrel of her rifle. 

"Garrus is right. This isn't okay."

"So how did it go with the Council?" Garrus asks.

"They're helpful, cooperative, and grateful," Shepard says, surprise still clear in her voice. "And we're getting two more crew members."

"We won't have room for many more if this keeps up," Miranda says. "So, what about me? Have we learned anything about me in this universe yet?"

"Actually," Shepard tells her, "you and your father are both listed as missing and presumed dead. Oriana in this universe is safe and happy on Illium. And she's safe and happy wherever she is in our universe. So it appears you've protected her regardless."

"Good," she sighs. "Do you know what this means? I can stop running. I don't have to be a part of Oriana's life as long as I know she's safe. I don't have to hide here. It isn't worth losing Jacob, but it's something, at least."

"Yeah," Garrus says, "if we could have just brought our loved ones along, this would be a pretty damn good universe. Well, if we can stop the Reapers."

"At least they're alive and happy here," Shepard says. Miranda's words ring in her ears. "We can't bring them back there, but we got to see that they're alive and happy somewhere and if we truly love them then that's something, even if we can't be in their lives in the same capacity."

"You're right, Shepard," Garrus says. "That actually makes me feel a little bit better."

"Your new Tali's still the same. My Jacob isn't and Shepard's Thane isn't, but yours is," Miranda says. "It's like the universe gave you a second chance. Like maybe she wasn't meant to die. The only thing stopping you from being with her are your own reservations."

"What about Jacob?" he says. "Was Jacob meant to die?"

"I don't know," she answers.

"Then maybe you both get a second chance," Shepard says. 

"And what about your second chance?" Miranda asks softly.

"Thane was always going to die in our universe," Shepard tells her. "We always knew our time was stolen. If he hadn't died on the mission, he would have died slowly from the Kepral's Syndrome. At least this way he didn't suffer long. And maybe...maybe he was supposed to be with Irikah and not me. Maybe having this different Thane here is my punishment for taking him from her."

"He left Irikah long before he met you," Miranda says. "You didn't steal him from her."

"But maybe...maybe she's the one he's supposed to meet across the sea. Maybe drell heaven and human heaven aren't the same. We have very different gods. Maybe I can't go to him after all and maybe having him wait for me instead of going to her upset some kind of cosmic balance. I don't know," Shepard says miserably. 

"What was that about thinking above your pay grade?" Garrus asks. "I don't think that's how it works, Shepard. It's not like you chose to fall in love with him."

"I chose to follow through, though. Like I said, we always knew what we had was stolen. I think this is my punishment."

"Or maybe this is the universe's way of fixing things," Miranda suggests. "By giving you another Thane, one who isn't meant to die."

"He still isn't _my_ Thane and he still has Kepral's."

"You always hope for everyone else, but never for yourself," Miranda says. "You feel guilty about anything you take for you while doing everything in your power to make sure everyone around you has the best you can give them. You risk your life for us every day and you've been fighting to save the galaxy for years now. You forgive almost anything of us but beat yourself up over the tiniest mistake. When do you get to be happy?"

Tiny mistakes? She doesn't make tiny mistakes. When she fucks up, she fucks up good. Like not getting the shielding even though she _knew_ their barriers wouldn't hold up. She reassembles her rifle with angry motions. "Maybe I don't deserve to be happy, Miranda," she snaps. "I fucked up! If I had just waited to test that damn IFF until we were ready to go instead of being impatient, if I had made sure the damn shielding was in place first, the drive core wouldn't have overheated from trying to hold our barriers and Thane and Tali and Jacob and Jack wouldn't be dead now. _I_ killed them! Not the universe, not fate. Me. Your lovers and my husband are dead because _I_ got impatient! I was so ready to get that damn suicide mission over with that I didn't think that something could have been wrong with the IFF. 

"It's my _job_ to be prepared for shit like that. Nothing else in our goddamn cursed mission had gone right. Why the hell did I let my guard down and allow myself to think that would? And if I had just stopped to think, to listen to my instincts about the scientists on that damn asteroid, I wouldn't have let my guard down, I wouldn't have been taken by surprise, and we wouldn't be here right now, looking at our dead companions walking around like nothing ever happened, like we never..." she chokes up and has to pause. "It wasn't a tiny mistake that got us here, Miranda. It was a series of major fuck ups that got people killed and got us stranded in another damn universe! Why aren't you guys angry with me? Why aren't you furious with me?" she demands.

"Because you're human, Shepard!" Miranda shouts. "Humans fuck up. It's what we do. We rush and we hurry and we push and we make mistakes. I had to kill my best friend because I was so frantic to get Ori away from my father that I went about it all wrong. And then I let my guard down because I thought I knew him even though we hadn't spoken in years. You think I'm going to blame you for making a mistake and for not being able to predict the future?"

"At least you didn't lose the entire squad," Garrus says. "My mistake led to ten good men lying in unmarked graves. Killing Sidonis didn't fix that any more than taking out the Collectors fixed us losing our people. There's not a single one of us that has any right to judge you, Shepard. You want to blame somebody? Blame the Reapers."

"Shepard," EDI says, "they are correct. My processing power is infinitely greater than the human brain and even I did not catch the problem with the IFF until it was too late. There is no way that you could have known. And, perhaps, I was eager to test out the new system as well. My error almost cost me Jeff. My only consolation is knowing that, without me installed on the old _Normandy_ , he was unable to survive. 

"Lieutenant Alenko is the one who figured out where the problem was so that Tali could fix it and he took the ship through the mass relay. Therefore, my presence saved our version of Jeff. In this universe, you did insist on staying behind for the installation and were abducted. The few who were left came after you but, without you, almost the entire crew of the old _Normandy_ was lost. You watched as you were liquefied. However great you feel your mistakes may be, the outcome was far worse without your presence. Where we lost only a handful out of our entire ship, only a handful of theirs managed to survive."

"Thanks, EDI. That helps a little." 

"You are welcome, Commander."

She returns her rifle to the armory. There are two strange men there. They come to attention and salute when she walks in. "Lieutenant James Vega, reporting for duty, ma'am," the bulky one says. 

"And Lieutenant Steve Cortez, your new shuttle pilot," adds the wirier one.

"We weren't sure where you were, so we figured we'd go ahead and get set up down here," Vega says, taking her rifle and putting it into her locker. 

"That's...fine, I guess," she says. "Make yourselves at home. The bunk room is on the crew deck."

"Aye aye, ma'am," Cortez says. 

Normally, she'd stay and try to get to know the new guys, but she has too much on her mind. Instead, she goes to the lounge where Kasumi has made her cabin. The thief is not there. She would uncloak if she were. Shepard pours herself a glass of whiskey without turning on the light. She carries it over to the window, thankful the room is empty, and leans up against it looking out into the vastness of space around her. Distant stars shine brightly and she wonders if they're the same as the ones back home. It's a whole new universe and anything is possible. The thought doesn't bring her comfort. Is he out there, somewhere beyond the stars, waiting for her? 

What about her mother? And her Anderson? Are they worried because she hasn't checked in? Do they assume they all died when they destroyed the relay? How is she holding up? In a way, it would have been easier to have died than to be sent into this alternate reality. What will happen to their universe with them gone? Will they be able to defeat the Reapers? Or will they be destroyed without them there? It's arrogant to assume that her presence or absence would make that much difference, but without her there, who's left to warn them? Maybe they would have listened if they'd known the threat was so close. Without warning, they'll continue to deny the threat until they're overwhelmed. At least in this universe, they're taking the threat seriously whether she's here or not. Her presence doesn't feel as vital here. 

"EDI, are you sure we can't get back?" she asks. "We still have to destroy the relay in this universe. What if it opens another wormhole back into ours?"

She answers "I have gone through the data I recorded at the time we passed through. The rift appears entirely random. Even based solely on our own universe, there are an almost an infinite number of alternate universes we could have been sent to. Had we recognized the rift sooner, we may have been able to return before it closed but we did not have time. Thus, we could be sent into one where you did not defeat Sovereign and the Reapers have already won. We could be sent into one where there is no Reaper threat at all and your presence is unnecessary. We could be sent into one where the turians wiped out the humans in the First Contact War and you were never born."

"So it can't be done," she says.

"It is possible, though unlikely, that Mordin and I could eventually figure out a way back through. However, I believe that our best course of action, given that we most likely cannot return, would be to remain where we are and attempt to help this universe rid itself of the Reapers." She pauses and then says, "Shepard, has it crossed your mind that it is possible that there was no way for you to win the war in our own universe and that we were sent here because you can do it in this one?"

"I've thought about it," Shepard tells her. "The odds were always slim there when it was just one ship between the Reapers and the rest of the galaxy. But the odds of them succeeding now are almost nil. Nothing stands in their way."

"By the galaxy's own choice," EDI points out. "What is the human saying? You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped. They did not want your help there."

"So I just abandon them?" Shepard asks. "I just give up because it's hard? The galaxy didn't choose; the Council chose for them!"

"They knew, Shepard. Your warnings were broadcast across every news network in the galaxy. They chose to listen to the placating from their leaders because it was what they wanted to hear. You have always made yourself available to all people who sought your help. At any time, they could have bypassed the Council and gone directly to you. It is what you did when you joined up with Cerberus. Only a handful chose to do so. You provided them with the tools to save themselves. You cannot force them to use them."

"Maybe you're right," Shepard says.

"Shepard, in this universe, they are choosing to use those tools, even though they are not equipped to do so on their own. Is that not something worth fighting for? On Elysium, you rallied the colonists, even though they were civilians, and when they could not hold, you stood between them and the greater force. You are strong, but you could not have done that had they not held the line for as long as they did. This war is very similar to the Blitz in that regard. Would you have preferred to fight for a colony that pretended the batarians were not there and went about their day, leaving you to fight alone or would you rather fight with a colony that is willing to take up arms and defend themselves for as long as they can? Which colony has more valor? Which has more value? Which is more worth saving?"

She's right. If Shepard had had to choose between two colonies to save, neither of which could do it on their own, and one was willing to fight while the other wasn't, she'd have chosen to help the one that fought. This galaxy is willing to fight. Her own would wait until the Reapers were knocking down their doors and then look to her to save them from a threat they denied until it was too late. Her loyalty to them only exists because she views them as hers. 

She wonders what Thane would choose. Would he choose the colony that didn't fight because he saw something in them that was causing their helplessness? Would he see them as innocent victims? Or would he choose the colony that fought back, even though they were unequipped and outnumbered? Thane was her moral compass after she died. His approval or disapproval of her actions weighed heavily on ones she chose to make the next time she was in a similar situation. She knows some would consider him an off-North compass to use given his profession, but he had a strong sense of right and wrong where she has a stronger sense of expediency. Knowing what he would do is suddenly vital to her. 

A memory flashes in front of her, so clear she can almost hear his voice and see his face: _You and I trained to sacrifice ourselves to save others. How often does a civilian step in the way of a bullet to protect someone they've never met? I thought she was the goddess Arashu. She met my eyes through the scope and my purpose faltered._ He would choose the colony that fought. He would choose the galaxy that fought. He would want her to stay here. _Very good, Siha._ She hears the words whisper through time and space, can almost feel his breath grazing her ear, the heat radiating across her back as he leans in. She turns, half expecting him to be there and the whiskey in her glass sloshes over her hand. He's not there. Of course he's not there. She wonders if she mixed up the bottles and got turian whiskey instead of human before deciding with a shrug that she doesn't care and tossing back what's left of the glass. It won't kill her and if it brings Thane closer.... 

She returns to staring out the window. She's made her decision. They're staying here. Now they just all need to accept it. She knows it's going to be hard on the crew. However, knowing that the Collector mission was likely one they wouldn't return from, they at least don't have anyone with spouses or children left behind and most of the crew had already rejoined the Alliance so there are few who weren't here for at least one of her previous missions. They've all said their goodbyes to those back home. There's no lack of closure there. Still, it doesn't make it any easier knowing they're leaving everyone they've ever known to die. 

"I'm sorry, Mom," she whispers. "Hey, EDI? Make sure you don't mention the chances of those back home to anyone else, okay? I don't want to make this any harder for them than it already is. If they're thinking about their loved ones dying back there, they won't be able to adapt here. If this is where we can do the most good, then this is where we stay." 

"Understood, Shepard."

"Now I just have to trust that they'll understand that. They've never let me down before. But that was when they were fighting for their own homes, their own families, their own friends and loved ones. This...this is going to test them. They have time to think now. We have no real connections here. It's like home but it isn't home. These are like the people we left behind or lost, but they aren't..." she trails off as a tear streams down her cheek. 

Thane. Oh, god, she misses him. She pulls out the prayer book she found in her cabin and opens it to read by the starlight and the faint glow of the lights under the bar. The well-worn book falls open to a page whose edges have been frayed from repeated thumbing. His writing is smooth and careful. She wanted to read this when she took his body to Kahje to give it to the hanar but the crew, trying to be helpful, gave his body to Kolyat on the Citadel while she was still recovering from her injuries. She didn't even get to see him one last time. It deepened her depression to know that she couldn't. So, haltingly, she reads it now to the stars. It is his final prayer for himself. As she reads, she isn't sure whether she's reading it for him or for herself.

"Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness. Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand. Kalahira, wash the sins from this one and set him on the distant shore of the infinite spirit. Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention." She's openly sobbing now, grateful that the only one who can hear her is EDI, as she continues in a choked voice, "Guide this one to where the traveller never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve. Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me." She's so broken in this moment that she almost doesn't recognize the change in the final verse until she reads it again. Wait. "What? Why does the last verse say 'she'?" she wonders aloud.

___

"The prayer was not for him, Commander," Thane answers. "He had already asked forgiveness for the lives he had taken. His last wish was for you."

"Thane! I didn't hear you come in!" she exclaims, closing the book and swiping at the moisture on her cheeks.

"I apologize, Commander. I did not intend to intrude upon a private moment," he says, standing at the door with his hands clasped behind his back. "However, I must admit that when I heard your prayer, I was overcome by curiosity. I have never heard a human recite one of our prayers before. Do you believe as we do? Or is that inappropriate to ask?"

"No. No, it's okay. I...I don't know. I think so. I want to. But I don't know if your gods listen to humans or not."

"They listen to all who appeal to them," he answers. "You seem troubled, Commander. May I come in? I understand if you would prefer to be alone."

She hesitates before inviting him in. To be honest, he is not sure why he is still here. He had wanted to look out over the stars, but he had thought the room empty. Now, he realizes it is someone's cabin. He had intended to retreat back through the door when he had seen her leaning against the window but then she had spoken and he'd heard the familiar words of the prayer. Curiosity was a trait even the hanar had not been able to train out of him and it had consumed him, stilling his feet. He had thought at first that she had realized he was there when she asked her question but had realized his mistake when she jumped.

He finds himself drawn to this Shepard in a way that he never was with her counterpart. She has a spirit, a fire, that the other lacked but the same innate kindness as well. She interests him. He had come to know the former Shepard and had called her as close to friend as he ever made but he had been uninterested in knowing her further. He was here because of a diplomatic agreement between the Illuminated Primacy and the Alliance. It was a job, nothing more. 

At least, it had been until they had been sent to the Collector ship. The turians had intercepted a distress signal and, when overcome by the Collectors, had requested assistance. Shepard and her crew had gone to rescue them. By the time they'd arrived, the turians had been converted into marauders. It had been difficult for Garrus as he had known some of them personally and Shepard had been deeply shaken by the pods that had coated every free centimeter of space within the ship. Seeing those pods had turned the mission into something more. 

He had been disturbed at the sight of the original Shepard being liquefied. It was a horrendous thing to witness. However, he had been far more concerned over the new Shepard's reactions. He had wanted to prevent her from witnessing it to protect her. She had experienced enough horrors without that memory to haunt her at night. He had assumed at first that the new Shepard and Garrus were together as the original ones had been. However, while they did seem to be close, he had heard whispers linking her name to his own and had begun to suspect that she had been much closer to his counterpart than she had revealed. 

She had demonstrated on the Collector base that she had an understanding of him that could only have come from extensive time spent fighting side-by-side. She was able to anticipate his movements and to simply expect him to know where she wished him to go next. He had found it remarkably simple to fight with them. The other Shepard had utilized him on occasion but had strongly preferred Liara or Tali. He was not accustomed to fighting with others and had been pleasantly surprised by the ease with which he was able to do so with them. She appreciated his talents and trusted him to understand where he was most needed in any given moment. She was clearly comfortable with him, at least in battle. If she was anything like the old Shepard, she had preferred to face death alongside her mate. That she was so accustomed to fighting with him told him, first, that his counterpart had been similarly skilled and, second, that she had been used to taking him with her. If Garrus was not her mate then, given the rumors he had heard, it seems likely that his counterpart was.

He enters the room and gestures to the couch. She sits heavily, her shoulders slumping. "Am I correct in presuming that there was something...more than friendship...between you and my counterpart?" he asks her.

"That obvious, huh?" she asks.

"You did not display the same reaction to seeing the other lost members of your crew as you did to me," he explains. "With them, you were happy. When I stepped forward and made my presence known, you looked as though you were about to faint and, if you truly are like our version of Commander Shepard, that is not a typical reaction for you to anything. You have spoken with every other member of the crew but have made efforts to avoid me but for battle and grow pale when you do see me. I have overheard whispers attaching my name to yours that I can only assume are related to my counterpart in your universe. Then I come in to find you with tears creating silver streams down your face while you recite a prayer to our goddess of oceans and the afterlife. It seems like the correct conclusion to draw. Why did you not simply tell me?"

"I didn't want to make things awkward," she says. When he cocks his head and draws his brows together in curiosity, she explains, "I thought that, if you knew, you might have felt...obligated or, or like I expected you to..."

"To take his place?" he finishes. 

"Yes. And I don't want that. You aren't him. And I didn't want to allow myself to forget that, either. You look like him and sound like him and move like him. Your inflections, your mannerisms, your composure, it's all the same and...god, I miss him!" she buries her face in her hands. "Why? Why was he taken? Our time was short enough as it was! Why?" she asks, rocking slightly back and forth in a self-soothing motion. "I can't _breathe_ without him! I _hate_ this downtime! I held it together against the Collectors and the batarians. When I have something to kill, I can keep it together. But when I'm just sitting here with nothing to do but wait and think, all I can do is think about him."

"You are experiencing a combination of what we call battle sleep and tu-fira," he tells her, recognizing the signs. "Did he explain those concepts?"

"He told me about battle sleep," she says.

"But not tu-fira?" He did not prepare her well for his death, Thane thinks. Perhaps he assumed it would not be the same for her. If so, he underestimated the depth of her emotion for him. Drell may be unique in their solipsism but with many other species, memory appeared to be strongly linked to emotion. "The closest human translation would be a state of being lost in another. It is particularly difficult for drell because we can literally become lost in the memories until they are more real than life itself."

"I didn't even get to take his body to Kahje and give him to the sea," she tells him. "I never got to say goodbye. And now he's gone. His body and his soul are gone and I didn't even get to say goodbye."

"In your universe, you are dead. Your soul is with him now," he says, wanting to comfort her but not knowing why.

"But how can that be?" she asks. "I'm right here. Body and soul and all of it hurts."

"You created a new reality when you came through the rift. Your soul split as well."

She says, "If you're right, if my soul split and that one is with him, then the one I'm attached to now won't be. I don't think I can handle that."

"It was not my intention to cause you more pain, Commander," he says, disheartened by the agony in her eyes. "I was simply hoping to provide comfort, to give you hope when all seems lost."

"What?" she asks weakly. "I...I should go," she says and flees from the room. 

She is a strange woman. She faces death fearlessly, accepts a new reality without denial, puts herself and her crew in danger without hesitation in order to save people she has never met, and yet she seems almost afraid of him. He does not physically intimidate her but he saw the panic in her lovely eyes. He wonders what he said to cause that. He realizes something as well. As strong as she is, he has the power to destroy her. He must tread carefully. "EDI," he addresses the AI. 

"Yes, Sere Krios?"

"What did I say to her that elicited that response? I would like to avoid it in future interactions." 

"I believe it was the phrase, 'to give you hope when all seems lost.' It was a part of Thane's wedding vow to her. Hearing it come from you may have caused her distress."

"They were married?" he asks. He had not realized that the relationship had progressed so far. He wonders if they had...surely not. "What term did he use in reference to their relationship?"

"With the crew, he used the term 'wife,'" EDI answers, "but with Shepard and his son, Kolyat, he referred to her as his mate."

"Mated," Thane muses. That explains his draw to her. He experiences a flash of irritation before smothering it. The emotion serves no purpose. It would seem his life is no longer his own.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter lengths vary. I used too much of the actual game the first time I wrote this and had to go back and remove a lot.

Shepard gets the call a few days later telling her the batarians have been evacuated from the system. She knows what's coming and there's no need for secrecy here, so she goes in with a strike team including Garrus and Thane. She hesitated before bringing Thane. Garrus, Liara, and Shepard were the original dream team. However, she's worked more recently with Garrus and Thane. She thought about bringing Liara, too, but she isn't used to working with four. This mission is too important to risk issues and Thane did well with the Collectors. Liara's biotics are more suited to keeping large numbers of targets at a distance while Thane can take down large numbers of people up close. The way she remembers the station, there weren't many areas in which they could funnel people into her singularity but there are plenty of them where close combat is possible. He can keep them from getting flanked like she was the first time.

Cortez delivers them onto the station and then returns to orbit to avoid the scientists' troops. She doesn't want them getting caught like last time without a shuttle. He can get in and out with them while the _Normandy_ waits nearer the relay. If nothing else, at least the ground team will be the only ones caught in the blast if it hits before they can get out. The rest of them are under orders to escape through the relay if she gives the word or if they don't hear from her by a certain point. Kaidan can let the Council know if she fails. 

They have one additional advantage here. Surprise. The scientists don't know they're coming. They don't know she knows what they're doing, and they don't know that she knows the layout. All they have to do this time is set the rock in motion. And, the crazy scientist isn't here. She's still stuck in batarian prison. The guards left her behind when the system was evacuated. Shepard can't feel sorry for her. She knew what she was dealing with and didn't take precautions. Shepard got sucked in by the damn artifact and here she is, blowing it up a second time. Kenson was either careless, stupid, or power-hungry. Regardless, Shepard is not making the mistake of breaking her out again. She doesn't feel like having to run around fixing her sabotage. 

"This is almost too easy," Garrus comments as they make their way into the station. Without the mad doctor to direct them, the indoctrinated troops have trouble organizing. They've met resistance, but not much. The guards' only plan is defense. Garrus and Shepard pick off the long-shots while Thane takes down the ones closer in. He fights just like her Thane and, for a moment, she's thrown back through time and space. She forgets he isn't her Thane. 

_"I'm never going to be able to watch you fight again, Sere Krios," she says._

_"Why is that?" he asks._

_"I'll just end up thinking about this and get all hot and bothered and miss my shot. Or maybe I'll just get jealous and shoot them myself," she laughs. "God, you can move like nobody I've ever seen."_

_"So can you, Sera Krios," he murmurs, trailing his lips down her neck._

Garrus nudges Shepard and she shakes herself back into reality. He gives her a curious look and takes the shot that, given their normal rhythm, should have been hers. "Sorry," she murmurs as she gets the next one.

"Just like old times, huh?" he asks in understanding.

"Too much," she confirms. "I should have brought Liara."

"He's better at this than Liara. You just need to focus." 

"We're almost through. I'll pay more attention," she promises. She tunes Thane out and focuses on the troops coming through the door. They're almost at the control terminal now. It's in the next room. She hears Harbinger's insidious whisper in her head and thinks at it to shut up. She'll be glad when she can send that bastard to hell where it belongs. It worries her, though, that she can hear it in her head. Is this the beginning of indoctrination? She'll kill herself first. And then she'll find _her_ Thane and if there's another soul there with him, well, she'll just have to move over. Damn it! She really should have brought Liara. If battle sleep is what she gets when she's fighting and not thinking, that's what she wants. She needs to kill. For once, seeing heads exploding through her scope and casting fireballs at enemy targets isn't enough. "Going in closer," she whispers to Garrus. 

Garrus watches as she swaps her rifle for her pistol and cloaks herself. There are three troops behind a barricade and he can't get a shot at them. Thane's busy with another pair. Shepard flanks them and snaps the neck of one the way Thane does before shooting the other two with her pistol. A fourth rushes her and before Garrus can focus his rifle, she spins and casts a fireball at him. She’s always been good, but she’s gotten better. Close combat has never been her specialty but she’s just taken down four people in a matter of moments. One more room and they can get off this damned rock. 

The guards have finally figured out the plan. A small platoon is waiting for them in the control room. Shepard finally loses herself in the fight. Even the pain of a bullet punching through does nothing more than channel her rage. She is vicious, powerful, vengeful. If she was pissed off about being killed, she is furious at her Thane's death. She is wrath embodied. The Reapers took her husband. She will take as many of their people as she can. She will destroy their jumping-off point. She will demolish their beacon. It doesn't matter to her that these are not the same Reapers. They are Reapers and she will make them feel pain. When their thralls beg for mercy, they beg for mercy. And she has no mercy. "You want to bring the Reapers?" she asks one as he pleads for her to spare him. "You want to kill my people, to end all life in the galaxy? Fine. We'll start with yours." She pulls the trigger with a vicious smile on her face. This is not the Shepard that he knew.

When they are all dead, she goes to the terminal and sets the asteroid's course to the mass relay and radios Cortez. He's waiting for them and they board the shuttle together. This time, the station sits motionless. They've left no one to evacuate, no one to try again somewhere else to bring the Reapers. She bears a look of grim satisfaction as the shuttle flies toward the ship. They have room to spare to get through the relay. There will be no more rifts. There is no escape for them, either. She has set her course and she will see it through. 

"What got into you back there, Shepard?" Garrus asks, concerned. "That was a slaughter."

"Battle sleep," Thane replies as Shepard says, "Justice."

"How was that justice?" Garrus demands. "That man was begging for his life!"

"That man was indoctrinated!"

"And he pulled out of it!"

"No! Remember Benezia? She fought it off, too, long enough to talk to Liara. But then she sank back under. Fear for his life let him fight it off, but once the threat was past, he would have gone back under, too, and then we would have had an indoctrinated person on my ship!"

"Maybe you're right. Let's say you are. You still enjoyed it. What the hell, Shepard? You don't kill because you like it! This isn't you!"

"They killed my husband!" she shouts. "I will kill the Reapers and I will kill every one of their troops and their thralls that I can and where I can, I will make it slow. I will let them linger. I want them to die knowing they're dying. Knowing there's no escape. I want them to look death in the eye and tremble with fear."

"The Collectors killed your husband, Shepard!” he tells her. “And you irradiated them and then blew them up, remember? That guy back there? He was a victim! Yeah, we have to kill them. But it's supposed to be mercy, not murder!" He is terrified of this new Shepard. He’s lost so much. She’s their center, their rock, the one that holds them all together. He’s already lost her once. He can’t do it again. When he is the one trying to hold her back, something is wrong.

"You don't get indoctrinated just by being around the damn thing, Garrus! They knew what they were dealing with! He should have gotten off that damn rock! Instead, he gave himself to the Reapers! They don't just want to kill us. They want to kill every version of you and me and Thane and Tali and everyone else that there is. I have no pity, for them! None!"

"You used to," he says softly.

"That was before I lost everything and had to choose to sentence everyone we know and love to certain death for a bunch of alternate versions of themselves that we've never even met!" she exclaims.

"What?" he asks, stunned.

She sighs. "It probably doesn't matter. Our chances of getting back to our own universe were so small EDI couldn't put a number on it anyway. She said we're most likely all dead there. The near-certainty is that we'd either all die in the explosion or get hurtled through another wormhole to god only knows where. But I decided not to try. This galaxy needs us just as much as our own and this one is willing to do something about it. So I told EDI to keep us out of any rifts even though it means we will never get home and, most likely, all of our people will continue to deny the threat until it's too late and they will die."

"Can you live with that call?" he asks. He knew that the likelihood of them getting home was somewhere between slim and none, but she’s making a conscious decision not to try. "This isn't killing hundreds of thousands so billions can live. This is killing one galaxy so another galaxy can live. You know I have your back, Shepard. I'm not judging you and I'm trying hard not to think of my dad and sister back on Palaven right now because I know you've got a mom back there, too, and Anderson is practically your dad. I'm asking about _you_. Can you make that call and sleep at night?"

"I don't sleep anyway, Garrus," she answers softly. "The choice is made. If you had two cities on Palaven and one chose to fight and the other chose to pretend the threat didn't exist, which one would you help if you could only help one?"

"The city that would fight," he says resignedly. "Though it would be a much tougher call if it were my own city choosing to ignore it."

"And if there was almost no chance of you making it there while you were already in the city that would fight?"

"I get your point, Shepard." He stands and holds onto the metal rails on the ceiling as he looks at the monitor displaying the asteroid. "That's really our last chance to get home, however small?" he asks. She nods. "And we're deliberately going to miss it? We're going to abandon our people for these?" she nods again. "Damn it!" he shouts, slamming his fist into the wall. "I never, ever want your job," he says. _Goodbye, Sol. Goodbye, Dad._

"Sometimes," she admits, "neither do I."

"Docking with _Normandy_ ," Cortez says. 

Shepard feels the shuttle slow and then come to a gentle stop in its cradle. "Good work, Cortez," she tells him.

"Thanks, ma'am. Oh, and...thank you for staying."

"Yeah," she says. "You're welcome."

She leaves the shuttle and goes up to the bridge. "All hands, battle stations," she says. The deck flies into action around her. She pushes past them up to the cockpit. They've got room but who knows? Maybe it was the relay itself that sent them here and not the collision. They could come out into an active war zone or a field of debris or a world where vorcha rule or one where one plus one equals three. Reality has shifted and she doesn't know anything anymore. The relay looms, reaches out its blue light, draws them into the rotating wheels, and shoots them across the galaxy. They come out into clear space. EDI confirms that they're still in the current universe and she gives the order to stand down. 

The Council calls up to thank her. They even offer her a commendation. She doesn't know if she will ever get used to this new Council. She declines the award. She doesn't like ceremonies and she’s never done this for the attention or praise or even a thank you. Their willingness to listen and stand behind her is enough and she tells them that. EDI has calculated the time it will take the Reapers to arrive at the next relay based off of the speed of their travel in this universe. Six months.


	5. Chapter 5

"Commander Shepard, I am receiving an incoming transmission from Aria T'Loak," EDI tells her a few days later.

"Patch her through," Shepard says. She’s in the office in her cabin so the screen over her display case lights up and Aria appears. 

"Shepard, I have a little job for you...if you're interested," she says. She looks like Shepard’s version of Aria but sounds like she's actually having to work to maintain her usual composure. Shepard can hear gunfire and explosions in the background.

"Sounds like you're in trouble," she says.

Aria glowers. "Cerberus has broken the one rule of Omega," she says coldly. 

"They've fucked with Aria?" Shepard guesses.

"Yes. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I need your help. Whatever you and your little friends did beyond the Omega 4 relay, the Illusive Man is cashing in on it. He's set up stations on the other side and is creating these...creatures. He wants Omega as a base of operations on this side of the relay and I don't want to give it to him."

"Joker, take us to Omega. Okay, Aria, we're on our way. What's going on?" she asks.

"Cerberus unleashed these...things...on Omega. The Illusive Man claimed they escaped and that he sent a ship to help us out, but it was a trap and I fell for it," she says bitterly. "We took some ships to take out the creatures' transports but they figured out how to work the controls and started fighting back. The turian I thought was helping suggested falling back to the relay and dealing with the problem at its source. We took out the creatures there but it maxed out my biotics and I passed out. When I came to, the turian had me restrained. We returned to Omega and I managed to escape and rally the mercenary groups, but I don't know how much longer we can hold out. The creatures are on the loose again and Cerberus appears to be pulling back, but I think it's another trap. I need backup."

"We're on our way. What's the situation now?"

"I'm planning on capturing the turian. I can use him as a bargaining chip with the Illusive Man."

"That won't work," Shepard tells her, remembering the trap he sent them into blind on the Collector ship. "He doesn't care about collateral damage as long as he gets what he wants. Hold out as long as you can and we'll make a plan when we get there."

She nods. "You know him better than I do."

"How do you know?" she asks. As far as Shepard knows, this universe's Commander Shepard never had contact with the Illusive Man.

Aria smiles mysteriously. "As I may have told you once, I _am_ Omega. Nothing happens in my system that I don't know about eventually. You think I wouldn't notice two _Normandy_ ships in my system? I know the original Shepard didn't make it back through the relay. The only group with the technology to create your little onboard AI program is Cerberus. You must have worked with them at some point even if you do bear Alliance flags."

"You're remarkably well-informed," Shepard comments.

"When you've lived on a place like Omega for as long as I have, Shepard, you see things. Very little surprises me, my current situation notwithstanding."

"So how do you know me?" Shepard asks her. If Garrus never left the _Normandy_ and Mordin was recruited through STG, she'd have had no reason to come here and ask for her help the first time.

"Who do you think told you how to get through the relay?" she asks. "It's in _my_ system. You came to me for information. I helped you. Now, you get to return the favor. How do you know me wherever you came from?" Shepard tells her about Archangel and Mordin and Aria laughs. "Oh, that's rich! Bring this 'Archangel' with you. The irony will be priceless. See you soon, Shepard." The image blinks out.

Shepard calls Garrus on the comm and explain the situation. He agrees with Aria. "In our universe, they banded together to take me down. In this one, we're going to be fighting with them to save Omega? Are you sure we want it saved?"

"Aria having control is better than the Illusive Man," Shepard points out. "Whatever he's doing on the other side of that relay isn't good." And it's probably worse in their universe. She suddenly regrets not blowing up that base. God only knows what he's doing with it if he's able to do this much without it over here.

They arrive on Omega and, rather than take a small team, she pulls together a squad down in the armory. "Garrus, Thane, Wrex, Grunt, Liara, Samara, Jack, Miranda, Zaeed, and Mordin will come with me. Kaidan, Tali, Jacob, Legion, Kasumi, and Vega stay here. Battle stations. If any more Cerberus ships or transports arrive, take them out. You're our rear guard. Let's go." 

Her team crowds into the shuttle with Cortez at the helm. She isn’t used to leading a squad this large, but she’s fought with all of them, sort of, and she knows their strengths and weaknesses. "Miranda, you know the Illusive Man best. Try to figure out what his game is here. Zaeed, Garrus, Miranda, and Mordin know Omega's layout. When we get there, we'll rendezvous with Aria and then divide into three teams. Garrus, Thane, and Liara will take point with me. Miranda will lead the second team with Zaeed and Wrex. Jack, Samara, and Grunt will go with Mordin."

"Wait a minute," Jack protests. "You're letting the Cerberus cheerleader lead a team against Cerberus?"

"Good to see you haven't changed, at least," Miranda says.

Shepard shoots Miranda a withering look. "Trust me, Jack. She hates Cerberus, too. She was the first to defect when I left."

"If you say so," Jack says grudgingly. 

"We're docking with Omega," Cortez says. "Lots of activity around the LZ. We're coming in hot."

Shepard pulls out her rifle. "Okay, guys, let's go save the jellyfish rock." Cerberus isn't expecting them, especially not in numbers like this. They pile out of the shuttle with guns blazing and have the LZ clear in record time. "Aria," Shepard says over the comm. "We're here."

"Sending my coordinates to your omni-tool. We're in the slums."

Shepard pulls up the coordinates and shows Garrus. "I know where that is," he says. 

"Take point," she tells him.

He looks surprised as she falls in behind him but nods and leads the way. They take out the Cerberus troops as they find them. It's strange not to be completely outnumbered. She’s almost bored. They might as well be walking through Omega on a normal day. This universe's version isn't any better than hers. It's still grungy, still crime-ridden, still has that layer of grime over everything that makes her want a shower. "I hate this place," she mutters.

"And yet you don't mind Illium," Garrus says. "Illium is just Omega with a layer of polish."

"Omega is _dirty_ ," Shepard says.

"Shepard, I think that's the girliest thing you've ever said," Jack says.

"I don't mind getting dirty, but this is straight up filth," Shepard tells her as they pass by a stinking pile of refuse.

"I just bet you don't," she laughs.

"What am I missing?" Garrus asks.

"Shepard likes to get dirty," Grunt laughs.

"That's your mom they're talking about, Grunt," Miranda points out.

"Ugh, you're right. Shut up, Jack," Grunt says, eliciting another laugh from the group.

"What's so bad about getting dirty?" Garrus asks.

"I bet Shepard likes it rough," Wrex says. "We've all seen her fight."

"We haven't, actually," Jack says. "Our Shepard wasn't a sniper."

"I wasn't?" Shepard asks, glad for the change of topic.

"Our version of Shepard was a vanguard," Liara explains. "She was good with weapons as well, but primarily fought with her biotics. That's why she preferred the squad she did. Our Garrus handled the long-range enemies, I provided mid-range crowd control when I was present, and she and Thane liked to get in close. She would deal massive damage to heavier targets while he took down multiple targets quickly."

"This Shepard is capable of either," Thane says. "She seems to prefer distance targets but is lethal at close-range as well. She is also more ruthless than ours." He sounds like he approves, which is surprising. Her Thane was pragmatic about killing, but didn't like it when she didn't at least try to find a peaceful approach.

"What in the fuck is that?" Jack exclaims, drawing their attention to a creature barreling out of an apartment down the hall. This must be the thing that Aria had mentioned. It looks vaguely like a husk but is much larger and has a bulbous blue sac behind its head. It sees them and fires a mass effect field from its hand. Shepard hears a voice whisper in the back of her mind.

"It's a singularity!" Liara warns. "Stay out of the energy field!" She warps it while Thane throws it aside and Jack sends out a shockwave where it lands. It goes down. 

"Don't touch it!" Aria shouts. "They have some sort of virus or something. They've been turning corpses into more of themselves. I don't want to find out if it works on the living."

"It also attempts indoctrination," Liara says. 

"I will never get used to having those damn things whispering in my head," Jack agrees with a shudder.

They go into the apartment Aria is using as a base. She tells them that she thinks she's foiled the turian's plan but that she needs to get to Afterlife in order to reclaim control of the station. Shepard sends out Miranda's team to scope out the situation on the rest of the station while Mordin's team reclaims the slums. Aria sends a mixed group of mercs with Mordin and offers them to Miranda, but a large group would only draw attention to them. Miranda still has her Cerberus uniform, so she can hopefully infiltrate the group and figure out the plan while Shepard’s group is on the way to Afterlife. The remaining mercenaries will come with them to help storm the club. 

"So this is Archangel, huh?" she asks, looking Garrus up and down. "Think you can handle working alongside my mercenaries or will it bring back too many bad memories?" She isn't concerned. She's trying to rile him.

"I think I can handle it," he says calmly. "I just hope they're harder to kill in this universe than they were in mine."

"I think I like you, Archangel," she says. 

"Let's go," Shepard says. "You've all got your assignments. Move out, people!"

The groups split and Aria leads them through back alleys crawling with more of those mutant husks and Cerberus troops. Shepard begins to see how she managed to gain control of the mercenary groups. She's the most powerful biotic Shepard has ever come across. She has a biotic throw that takes the creatures down in one shot and doesn't need as much recovery time in between as the rest do. It's no wonder she only carries a pistol. Anything more would be overkill. Shepard is glad she's on their side. She _might_ be able to take Aria down. With a team. Maybe. 

They come into Afterlife through a secret passage in the back. Aria breaks off from them after telling the mercs to follow Shepard’s lead. Shepard sends them out into the VIP lounge and the lower part of the club to clear the private rooms while she focuses on the upper section where Aria generally stays. They find another of those creatures killing a human. Liara's warp blast combined with Thane's throw and one of Shepard’s fireballs takes him down. Thane walks up to the human who's still barely hanging on and puts a bullet in his head. She understands his logic. If those things are contagious, they don't want the guy transforming on them.

"Shepard," Miranda says over the comm, "Cerberus is withdrawing its troops and planning on sending a fleet in to destroy the station if Aria won't turn it over. With _Normandy_ 's stealth systems and our new Thanix cannon, they should be able to flank Cerberus and take them out before the ships even know she's there."  
"Understood," Shepard replies. "Joker, did you catch that?"

"Affirmative. We have Cerberus ships inbound. Engaging stealth systems. We've got your back, shore party."

Once the upper level is clear, she goes over to the couch where Aria generally lounges and looks out over the club. The mercs have the situation under control in the lower level. She sees a turian and human by the main entry as Aria strides forward. "Get the _fuck_ off my station!" Aria roars. The human raises his pistol and Shepard sees his head explode through her scope. Aria could have taken him out, but Shepard doesn't want there to be any doubt that she has backup. The turian turns to her and tells her about the Cerberus fleet set to destroy the station if she doesn't turn it over. He claims that he'll evacuate the civilians, but Shepard can see she doesn't believe him. Aria wavers and Shepard steps forward.

"I don't think so," Shepard snarls. 

"Who, pray tell, are you?" the turian asks.

"Commander Shepard of the _SSV Normandy_ , Alliance Navy, and Spectre," she answers with her pistol trained on his head. "Right now, the _Normandy_ is wiping out that fleet you mentioned. Give your people the order to stand down, return control of the station to Aria, and I'll give mine the order to allow you to retreat back through the Omega 4 relay. But know this: Alliance troops will be stationed around that relay from here on out with instructions to immediately destroy any ship bearing Cerberus markings that comes through, white flag or no. The Illusive Man is done in Omega. Spread the word."

The turian raises his hands as his shoulders slump in defeat. "You've made yourself a powerful enemy, Commander," he says.

"Becoming my enemy is a bad idea," Shepard tells him.

"They have a way of dying," Garrus adds.

"The Illusive Man is a coward at his core. He doesn't have the balls to face me head on. Instead, he sends his little minions to do his dirty work for him. As you can see," she says coldly, gesturing to the bodies littering the dance floor, "it doesn't work out so well."

"You swear you will let my people go if I surrender?" the turian asks. Shepard nods. "Very well. All ships, stand down. Do not engage. I repeat, stand down. Do not engage. Omega is yours, Aria."

"Don't forget," she says as a group of mercenaries surrounds him to escort him off the station. "Spread the word."

"Thanks, Shepard," Aria says when they're gone. "I'd have had to surrender the station and try to reclaim it later without you. I can't let Omega be destroyed. You may not like them, but these are my people."

"I understand that," Shepard tells her, looking around at her crew. "I'll get the Alliance to send in ships to guard the relay as long as you can guarantee them safe passage into the system and no war with the Terminus Systems."

"Done," she says immediately. "I'll spread the word they're here to help."

Back on the ship, she calls up Admiral Hackett and explains the situation. He rubs his beard thoughtfully. "Crawling into bed with Aria T'Loak?" he muses. "Not a suggestion I'd expect to hear coming from you."

"She's helped us before," Shepard points out. "And keeping whatever Cerberus is doing beyond that relay out there is worth gaining an unlikely ally. I suspect the Illusive Man is indoctrinated and working with the Reapers. Whatever he's planning isn't good for humanity or anyone else."

"Agreed," he says. "We'll send in troops to guard the relay as promised. Keep up the good work. Hackett out."

She’s hungry, so she goes down to the mess hall where she finds the crew gathered around the large table. They look up and greet her enthusiastically when she comes in. Garrus and Liara slide apart to make room for her to sit and Mess Sergeant Gardner comes over with a plate for her. "This isn't gumbo, is it?" she asks, eyeing the unfamiliar food suspiciously. He tends to get creative with his dishes. The last time she tried something he 'just whipped up' she ended up in the med bay for two days.

"Nah," he says. "It's an asari dish. Samara gave me the recipe."

"You didn't...experiment with it, did you?"

"Commander! Come on. I gave you food poisoning _one time_. When are you going to start trusting me again?"

"When you stop playing around and start cooking normal food," she tells him. "For someone who was formerly a member of a xenophobic terrorist group, you sure have developed a taste for foreign food."

"I didn't change it," Gardner says. "First time I've made it."

"It is perfectly harmless, Shepard," Samara assures her. "The recipe was my mother's. He did very well for a first try."

"If you say so," Shepard replies. Too many years of military rations have left her with a fairly limited palate and a--generally--iron stomach, but Gardner's creations could eat through titanium. But if Samara says it's okay, she'll trust her. She takes a bite of the concoction and is pleasantly surprised. "This is good!" 

"That's what everybody's said," Tali grumbles. "I wish I could eat asari food. It's supposed to be the best in the galaxy."

"Dextro food isn't that bad," Garrus says.

"Dextro food looks and smells disgusting," Shepard tells him.

"She's right, Garrus," Jack agrees, a booted foot dangling from the counter where she's propped herself. "Dextro food is fucking nasty. I don't know how you stand it."

"Most human food looks that way to us," Tali says, jumping to his defense. "Some of the things you eat. Eggs. Mayonnaise. Blech," she says with a shudder.

"Eggs are good," Jack says.

"They smell terrible," Tali tells her. 

"You're just jealous," Jack counters.

"You missed a hell of a fight, Commander," Jacob says. 

"Yeah," Kaidan agrees. "I thought the old _Normandy_ was good, but this baby can move! And that cannon! Man, if we'd had that, we might have been able to take down that Collector ship and not lost our Garrus. Not that there's anything wrong with this one," he adds quickly. 

"I understand," Garrus says. "Though, I must say, I prefer this universe's version of you to ours."

"Amen!" Shepard says enthusiastically.

"What's wrong with your me?" he asks.

"Where do I start?" Shepard says, rolling her eyes. 

"Our Kaidan had the hots for the Commander here," Garrus tells him. "Even I could see it. She never saw him that way, though, and he wasn't too happy about it. He constantly acted like she'd betrayed him somehow."

"He was an entitled, whiny, spoiled rotten brat," Shepard tells this Kaidan, pushing her empty plate aside, "with all the personality of a wet rag. He brown-nosed his way to his position instead of earning it outright, which he could have done because he was a good soldier which just made it worse. He doubted every call I made and undermined me at every turn. It got old. Then, on Horizon, he said _I_ had betrayed everything we stood for by going to Cerberus! I _died_ for this mission and when I came back, I was basically exiled to the Terminus Systems so the Council could make itself feel good by pretending Sovereign was a solitary threat. I went to Cerberus because no one else cared."

"Look," he says, "I don't like Cerberus any more than any other Alliance soldier, but if the Alliance turned its back on you, what else could you do? Did he just expect you to stand aside and watch while the Collectors wiped out human colonies unchecked? I don't know about you, but our Shepard never would have done that. Your me may not have liked it, but he should have at least understood it."

"Exactly!" she exclaims, feeling justified. 

"Your government and your Council turned its back on you, essentially blacklisted you, and yet you still continued in your purpose?" Thane asks.

"What else could I do?" she asks him, noting that he—like her Thane—sits with his back firmly to the wall even in the company of friends. "Like Kaidan said, I couldn't just stand by and let it happen knowing I could stop it."

He clasps his hands together on the table the way her Thane always did and looks at her consideringly. Suddenly, she’s back in the Life Support room, sitting across from her Thane with a cup of coffee by their elbows and the hum of the drive core behind her. 

_When a memory feels as real as life, it's as valid as life. Thinking about a moment brings back the smell of cut grass, the warmth of another's hand on yours, the taste of another's tongue in your mouth. Wouldn't you rather lose yourself in such a memory than spend the night alone, staring at walls of metal and plastic?_

_Isn’t there a risk that you could lose yourself in bad memories as well?_

_Of course. Remembering the times I’ve taken bullets is...unpleasant. But I can look at my knee and see it’s not shattered. The memories that are hard to escape are those of despair._

_You can remember everything that happened in your life?_

_Nearly. And I expect if we remembered the birth trauma, we’d never recover from it._

_Huh, a joke. He does have a sense of humor. It’s dry but it’s there. She likes it. He’s always so serious and reserved._

The warmth of his hand on hers. The taste of his tongue in her mouth. His arm wrapped like a steel band around her waist. His eyes, dark around their emerald center and locked on hers. His voice whispering in her ear, 'Siha!' Their first kiss. Their first dance. His gentle teasing. Their wedding day. The tear a streaming silver rivulet down his face as he admits his shame. Karin's compassionate voice telling her he's gone. Garrus quietly explaining that they relinquished his body to Kolyat. He's dead and she never got to say goodbye. 

Thane is dead and here she sits, looking at another version of him, wishing this Thane had died so hers could live. She resents him, she realizes. She resent this Thane for being here while hers is gone. She resents him for implying that she can't be with hers across the sea when she dies because some other version of herself is already there. She wants to hit him, to hurt him. She wasn't angry at the indoctrinated troops on the asteroid. She wasn't angry at the Reapers. She was angry at this Thane for surviving the trip through the relay, at the whim of the time rift sparing this one and taking hers, at herself for her own weakness. It isn't this Thane's fault he lived while hers died. He didn't kill her Thane. She’s taking the easy way out by being angry with him. She can't direct her anger at the universe. So instead, she’s directed it both inward at herself and outwardly at him.

She stands. "Come with me," she tells him. She leads him into the live support room and turns to face him. "I've been wrong and unfair," she admits. "In trying to remind myself that you aren't my Thane, I've done you a disservice, one that my Thane would have been ashamed of me for. I've resented you for being alive when he's dead. I've judged you by his merits. While knowing my crew and caring for them is one of my greatest strengths, I've made no effort to do so with you. And in doing so, I _have_ put you in the place of a stand-in by assuming I already know you rather than treating you as an individual in your own right. I've weakened the team and I've done a disservice to myself by being unwilling to get to know someone who very well may be one of the strongest and most well-rounded members of my crew. 

"Even before I loved my Thane, I relied heavily on him. He was smart and insightful and spiritual and just downright _good_ in every way. Humans have a saying: jack of all trades, master of none. That wasn't my Thane. He was a master of all, a one-man army. He could infiltrate an area, take down a target from astounding distances with a sniper rifle, and be gone before the pieces of bone finished dropping to the ground. He could drop down silent as a shadow behind someone and break both his target's neck and his partners' before the first body was on the floor. He could go hand-to-hand with the best of them, could deal massive damage with his biotics, and turn around and shoot multiple targets in succession before vanishing into thin air like he was never there. 

"Give him a shadow, the slightest move as a distraction, the barest blink of an eye, and he was gone. He was a magician, a dancer, an acrobat, an artist. He was death personified. And you're at least as good as he was. I need you as an integral part of my crew. So I want to apologize for resenting you and for the way I've acted toward you because of him. He wouldn't have wanted that."

"I will tell you whatever it is you wish to know, Commander," he says. "I do not blame you for your reaction to me. I imagine it would be a terrible burden to walk beside the likeness of one so deeply loved. I do not wish to cause you pain."

Shepard takes her seat, fighting the memories that threaten to bombard her. "He was...everything to me. We always knew our time was short. It weighed heavily on both of us. We both knew it would happen. We just didn't know how soon. No matter, it's not your fault that he's gone and I'm sorry for blaming you."

He sits across from her. "What would you like to know?"

"Were you trained by the hanar?"

"Yes. Did he explain to you about the Compact? He did. Good. That will make it simpler. I began my training when I was six. I made my first kill when I was twelve. I have spent most of my life on Kahje, leaving only on assignments. I was sent on assignment to Illium—very recently, in fact—at the request of the hanar and told to meet with her to join her cause. She asked me to protect humans I've never met from an alien race no one knew anything about by going to a place no one has ever returned from. At first, it was just a job. Eventually, I began to see it as a way to make the galaxy a brighter place."

"That sounds a lot like what my Thane said when I recruited him. But he was dying. You aren't. What changed your view?"

"Do you read your philosophers?"

"'When all the world is overcharged with inhabitants, then the last remedy of all is war, which provideth for every man: by victory or death,'" she quotes, remembering what Thane told her about Rakhana.

He looks startled. "Thomas Hobbes. Are you familiar with his views on the state of nature?"

"Yes. 'Solitary, poor, brutish, and short,'"

"Without a sovereign, yes, war is a constant. However, united under a sovereign power, peace can be obtained. It is only possible, though, if all those under its rule follow it. Assassination is against the law. I was not following the rule of the sovereign. Thus, I was contributing to the state of war and, therefore, sinful."

"But I thought your body did the killing. Not your soul."

"Which leads to even more difficulty. Either my body and my soul were joined—in which case my actions were sinful because I was responsible for them—or they were not."

"In which case, you were disconnected and not a whole person," she finishes.

He nods. "Precisely. My body has not always been ill nor injured. Therefore, my soul must have been weakened by a state of sin. Either way, it is a chance to atone for my sins."

"My Thane told me he had been asleep and was woken when he first saw Irikah. You haven't mentioned her."

"I do not know an Irikah," he says.

"You've never been married?" Shepard asks in surprise.

"No."

"So there's no Kolyat here, either," she says softly. The thought makes her sad. She cares for her stepson.

"Who?" he asks.

"Kolyat is my Thane's son. He's almost an adult now."

He seems to think about that for a moment. "I believe I would have been a terrible father at that time in my life."

"He made up for it in the end," she says sadly. "Kolyat, he's a good kid. Temperamental, but good."

"You miss him as well," he states.

"Yes."

"You have lost your mother, your husband, and your stepson. Your entire family is gone. How do you continue?" he asks. 

"Not my entire family," she says. "My crew is my family. Samara and Karin are my mothers now. Tali, EDI, Jack, Miranda, Kasumi, and Liara my sisters. Garrus, Kaidan, Mordin, Wrex, Joker, Zaeed, and Jacob my brothers. Grunt my child. You...I'm not sure yet. But I still have family. That's what keeps me going. Without them...I'd be lost. I'm not so noble as to claim that I could keep fighting for a galaxy full of strangers if they weren't part of it. After Thane died...I wanted to die, too. I was angry that I survived the Collector base. My crew brought me back. They gave me something to live for, at least until the galaxy is safe from the Reapers. After that...well, if I succeed, they won't need me anymore. And he'll be waiting."

"Do you truly believe that the only reason they need you is to lead them to victory?" he asks.

"If we were in our own universe and the war ended tomorrow, they'd go back to their own lives," she tells him.

"But you are not in your own universe," he points out. "Liara has told me some of the differences between yours and ours. She said that when you died, your crew fractured. She retrieved your body so that it could not be sold to the Collectors and gave it instead to Cerberus because they believed they could bring you back. Garrus abandoned his old life and tried to follow in your footsteps but failed without your guidance."

"Yes. But Liara grew into her own without me and, if it weren't for treachery from within, Garrus would have succeeded. Tali returned to her people and became a leader. Wrex went back to Tuchanka and took over the clan. Kaidan did just fine without me. Joker continued flying for the Alliance. Garrus is the only one who was truly the worse for my absence and he's grown a lot since then. And by the time this thing is through, they'll have acclimated to the new universe. They all have a purpose beyond me. Whereas I am just a soldier. I want to end this war, but peace? I don't know what to do with peace. That just looks like empty days stretching out into nothingness."

"I understand," he says. "Killing was my purpose for most of my life. I could not imagine anything outside of it. I have no other skills. This mission, this war, allows me a new purpose: to make the galaxy brighter. But after it is over, I do not know what I will be able to do to further that purpose. Perhaps we can figure it out together. I never had friends before our you brought me in. I do now. I would be honored to call this you one of them." 

_"Shepard," he says seriously, "I appreciate these chats we have."_

_"You've spent a lot of your life alone, Thane."_

_"Work fulfilled me. Reading. I barely spoke to anyone outside of my family. It seems there will be no one to mourn me when I die. You're the only friend I've made in ten years." His words are sad but his tone holds no trace of self-pity. He is stating what he sees to be fact, not looking for sympathy._

_"'Friend,' hmm?" she says. "It's a start." There's no point in beating around the bush. They don't have time to move slowly. Maybe a year he'd said. A year is nothing._

_"'A start?'" he echoes, clasping his hands. "That's...intriguing."_

"Shepard?" this Thane says. "It seems you have slipped into solipsism again."

She shakes herself out of the memory. "I'm sorry. I was...."

"Remembering," he finishes. "I recognize the look. No need to apologize."

"You were saying...friends. Yes. We can be friends."

They stand and walk back down the hall. He pauses by the memorial wall. "It is strange seeing my name here among your dead," he says.

"Would you like us to take it down, Sere Krios?" EDI asks.

 _No!_ Shepard thinks as he says, "No, EDI. Thank you but that will not be necessary. It would feel...disloyal to the sacrifice of my counterpart and I believe it would cause Commander Shepard to feel as if she had betrayed me—him, I mean."

"Feel better?" Tali asks when Shepard sits down again. "Thane is a good guy. He's a bit serious, but he's good. You don't need to be afraid of him."

"She's not afraid of him," Miranda says. 

"No? Then why does she avoid him so much? Do you not like him?"

"Tali," Liara says quietly.

"This Shepard and their version of Thane were married, dumbass," Jack says.

"Oh," Tali says.

"Weird," Kaidan says. "Not—no offense, Thane. Just...I had assumed she was with Garrus in their universe, too."

"Wait, what?" Garrus asks.

"They didn't tell you?" Shepard asks him, nudging his side. "Their versions of us were together."

"Ugh!”

"I hear this you prefers quarians," Jack says. "For all you say you were one big happy family, you guys were an incestuous bunch. Shepard and Thane, Garrus and Tali, Miranda and Jacob. Ken and Gabby. Who else? Joker and EDI? Still, it blows you all lost your partners."

"Hold on," Jacob says. "Did you say 'Jacob and Miranda'?" 

"Yeah," she answers. "Apparently their you liked the Ice Queen type. Of course, their you was a Cerberus bastard, too."

"For someone who spends most of her time in the subdeck below engineering, you sure do know a lot," Garrus comments.

"Sound travels funny down there. I hear things. This crew talks a lot. They're not like the old Alliance group. They don't just do their jobs. They're all casual and friendly and shit. Especially Ken and Gabby. They never shut up. I don't see how you deal with all of it, Tali."

"I like them," Tali says defensively. "They're nice. And Donnelly is funny. You should play poker with us sometime."

"Did someone say poker?" Vega asks, pulling his head out of the refrigerator and coming over with a beer. "We're off duty, right?" he asks Shepard.

"Yeah," she tells him. "At least until Hackett or the Council gives us another assignment."

"Actually," Liara says and Vega groans. "I was meaning to talk to you about that."

"What's on your mind?" Shepard asks her.

"An old colleague of mine has directed me to some Prothean ruins that might contain information we could use."

"Where?" Shepard asks.

She hesitates and glances at Thane. "Kahje," she finally answers. "Thane has obtained permission from the Illuminated Primacy for a small team to be allowed to go to them. They're not generally open to outsiders because the hanar worship the Protheans, but he's convinced them that this isn't a tourism excursion. We were going to request permission to take the shuttle."

"Shepard," Thane says softly, "I was thinking you might like to join us. It is not the same Kahje your Thane was returned to, but it is still Kahje. Perhaps it would be close enough to allow you to say your goodbyes and to gain what closure you can."

It's a good idea. She doesn't know that it will work, but she knows that her Thane would want her to try. He wouldn't want her trapped in this eternal painful void. And, while it isn't exactly the same, it would allow her to see a likeness of the place that shaped him into the man he would become. "All right," she says. "I'll go."

"Great," Vega says. "That's settled. But tomorrow, ok? Tonight, let's play some poker."

"We should get Joker down here, too" Kaidan says. "He asked me for help because Vega keeps wiping him out."

"Good luck," Shepard tells him. "Joker has a terrible poker face."

Kaidan's own face falls and he rubs the back of his neck. "Well...it's a good thing I like a challenge, right?"

"Come on," Jack says, jumping off the counter. "Ten credit buy-in. Let's go!"

Shepard hesitates until Garrus grabs her arm. "Come on. It'll be good for you. Just like old times."

"Fine," she sighs.

There's a poker table in Samara’s lounge. They crowd around it. Even Samara comes in, though she chooses to sit in her spot on the floor and meditate rather than play. Tali calls Ken and Gabby up from engineering. "Don't listen to the Commander if she asks you to take it easy on her," he whispers loudly to Tali in his thick Scottish brogue. "She's lying. She kicked me right in the daddy-bags when I fell for that."

"The what!" Shepard exclaims, bursting into laughter.

"The daddy-bags," he repeats. "You know--"

"She gets it, Kenneth," Gabby interrupts.

"Just deal already, Esteban," Vega says to Cortez who's shuffling a deck of well-worn cards.

The game quickly gets serious. They're all playing for keeps here. Lucky for her, Vega and Cortez are the only outliers here. But Cortez has a poker face about as bad as Joker and Vega's been drinking. Aside from them, she knows all of these people. She’s led them, fought with them, grieved with them, laughed with them, and watched some of them die. She’s shared their joys, their pains, their fears. She knows their body language better than she does her own. 

Shepard has a decent hand. It's not great, but it's decent. She knows that Tali has something good because her hood is trembling slightly from her excited shaking. She knows Garrus is unhappy because his mandibles are clenched tightly. Miranda's acting cocky, which means she's bluffing. Jacob's shoulders slumped slightly. Kaidan is chewing his lip. Jack is glowering. Liara looks confused. Gabby's mouth has a slight quirk and Ken looks worried. Vega is leaned back casually in his chair, but his foot is shaking. Joker is clearly upset. Thane glances at his cards and, for the briefest moment, his brows flicker and then his face resumes its peaceful facade. She knows that look. He's about to bluff. Tali's the only one she has to worry about so far. Thane, Miranda, Tali, and Shepard raise. Garrus and Jack fold. The rest call. 

By the showdown, it's down to Thane, Tali, and Shepard and Tali stopped shaking at the turn. Shepard shows her cards and they both groan as she rakes in the chips. "What did you expect?" she asks Thane. "Tali at least had a good hand."

"How the hell did you know he was bluffing?" Jack demands. "He's a damn statue!"

"You forget. I know you guys," she says. "He may not be my Thane, but his mannerisms are the same, just like the rest of you. Vega's the only one I wasn't sure about but he helped me out by folding."

"Not fair!" Tali exclaims. "You know us, but we don't know you. You aren't like our Shepard."

"You know what this means, right?" Vega asks. 

"We don't let her play anymore?" Tali suggests hopefully.

"No. She needs a handicap." He gets up and strides over to the bar. When he returns to the table, he puts a glass of whiskey in front of her. "Drink up, Commander!"

"You are not getting me drunk, Vega!" 

He crosses his arms as well as his bulky muscles will allow and cocks an eyebrow. "Do you wanna stay sober or do you wanna play poker?"

"It is only fair," Garrus says slyly. 

"You just say that because I can read you like a book, too," Shepard tells him. 

"Come on, Shepard," Miranda asks with a grin, "if you're really _that_ good, what will it hurt?"

"My head," Shepard answers.

"What's the matter, Shepard?" Wrex slurs from across the room where he and Grunt are matching each other shot for shot. "Can't hold your liquor?"

"Uh-uh, Wrex," she says. "The last time I fell for that, you gave me turian tequila!" 

He laughs so hard he almost falls off his chair. "That sounds like me! What happened?"

"She challenged you to a head-butting contest and you both ended up in the med bay with concussions," Garrus answers.

This time he does fall off of his chair and lies on the ground rolling like a turtle on its shell and roaring with laughter until Grunt picks him up. "Who won?" he finally gasps.

"You, but only because your head's harder," Shepard tells him. "I had a hairline fracture over my eyebrow."

"Human versus krogan, I'll call that a draw," he says magnanimously. "I like you, Shepard. You're more fun than the old one."

"That's the damn truth. Our Shepard was all lovey-dovey, 'Tell me about your feelings, Jack,'" the biotic says in a sarcastic falsetto. 

"She was a good commander, though," Kaidan says loyally and this universe's crew nods agreement.

"Our Shepard has adopted the turian method of conflict resolution," Garrus tells Jack.

"And what's that?" she asks.

"Sparring," he answers.

"You let people fight on your ship?" Kaidan asks incredulously as Jack exclaims, "Sweet!"

"It's not fighting," Shepard says, drinking the alcohol Vega provided in a single shot. He pours her another and she downs that as well. "It's sparring. It relieves stress, allows you to learn firsthand the strengths and weaknesses of your companions, and allows conflicts to be settled in a productive way."

"You know what else does that?" Jack asks and Tali answers, "Sex!"

"Hmm, sex or fighting," Wrex muses. "Which is better?"

"Fighting," Grunt answers instantly.

"How do you know?" Wrex asks. "You ever met a krogan female?"

"Told you we should have just taken him to Omega and bought him a few dances," Garrus says. "Would have been a lot easier than you and Thane taking down a horde of varren, klixen, and a thresher maw."

"Yeah, but did you ever see Thane with a rocket launcher?" she asks wistfully as Vega refills her glass. "That was _hot_. I mean, think about it. Thane with that fist glowing blue, tossing that maw around like it was nothing..." This Thane clears his throat and she trails off, embarrassed. He's so quiet, she'd forgotten he was there.

"And Shepard flinging fireballs like some angry goddess," Grunt says. "And me throwing grenades in its mouth. There was no cover left out there," he tells the group. "The maw had taken it all down. So there we were, in the middle of this bare platform..."

"Who needs cover?" Wrex asks. "You're a krogan."

"Yeah, but they're squishy," Grunt says. "Anyway, so the maw raises up, those teeth whirring like the mouth of hell, venom spewing at Thane, and Shepard yells, 'Not today, bitch!' She charges into Thane to push him out of the way, knocking him out cold, while throwing a fireball straight down the maw's gullet and then freaks out thinking she's killed her boyfriend. Meanwhile, I'm right under the damn thing, going for a shot at its underbelly and the maw falls right on top of me and she doesn't even notice. Can you believe that? Thane's the one who saw my boot and helped me shove the giant worm off. 

“So then Shepard grabs Thane's rocket launcher, climbs up on top of its back, puts the barrel straight up against its head, says, 'Go to hell, you mutant worm. Nobody fucks with my family!', and pulls the trigger! The explosion knocked her 100 yards away and then _Thane_ freaked out, thinking _she_ was dead!" 

By the time he's done, he's laughing to hard at the recollection that he's clutching his sides. Wrex has his head down on the bar, pounding it with his fist. Jack's wiping tears from her eyes. Miranda, Jacob, and Kaidan are shaking their heads. Liara looks horrified. Grunt gets up and saunters over to Shepard. He claps her on the back and says somberly, "It was a good fight, Shepard."

"A great fight," she agrees with a wistful smile.


	6. Chapter 6

They arrive on Kahje the following day. From space, the planet looks like a glittering blue orb, blanketed by clouds. Closer in, small islands become visible. Glass domes form bubbles made visible only by the rain that streams down their sides. The vastest ocean Shepard has ever seen stretches out from the shore. Ninety percent of the planet is covered in water due to the incessant rain. The land that is there is like a jungle, green and humid. Brightly colored birds flit among the broad leaves of the trees and the sound of the ocean is a roar that covers their calls. 

Thane leads Liara and Shepard to the shore where the hanar flit about in the ocean. It reminds her of another conversation with her Thane. He had been telling her about the Compact between the drell and the hanar. She thought that the hanar had virtually enslaved the drell and was furious. She told him they sounded like weaklings and he said that if she could see them in the Encompassing, the ocean now before her, that she would see them differently. 

"'A stream of silver in the dark,'" she whispers, remembering what he said. "'Looping, diving. So fast the eye can't follow. Laughter like the squeals of a child vibrates the water. They fly over the black of the sea bed, like birds plumed with the light of heaven....' You were right, Thane. They are beautiful. It still doesn't make what they did to you right."

"I beg your pardon?" this Thane asks.

"Sorry," she says quickly. "Another memory."

"Be careful, Shepard. You are becoming drell-like in your solipsism." He pauses. "Kaidan mentioned a human custom called a...memorial service. We will be allowed into the temple in the morning. But today, I thought you might want to perform one here since you were unable to do so in your own universe."

"I would like that," she says. 

He nods. "I have requested that Lieutenant Cortez bring down the members of your original crew," he says as the shuttle lands behind them. 

Garrus, Samara, Mordin, Grunt, Miranda, Ken, Gabby, Kelly, Karin, Kasumi, Zaeed, and Joker climb out. Joker is holding a computer disc and, as he walks forward, EDI's bubble pops up. Liara leans over and hugs Shepard, then steps aside with this universe's Thane. Her crew gathers somberly before her. Behind her, the hanar hover silently. She should say something. She knows she should, but this is so sudden, she hasn't had time to plan. She glances over at this universe's Thane and he gives her a small nod of encouragement. The words come.

"We are gathered here to honor the life of Thane Krios," she begins haltingly.

"He was a great warrior," Grunt says when she finishes, "and a father figure to me. He didn't want to lead, but I would have been proud to follow him into battle any day."

"Had I not known he was dying," Karin says, "I never would have guessed from his outward demeanor that he was ill. As a doctor, I've seen many people who knew their time was coming and as many reactions from them. Thane faced his disease with an acceptance and equanimity few have the courage for. He told me once that his only true regret was knowing he had to leave you and his son behind."

"Thane was a good man," Mordin says. "Good friend. Good husband. Good father. We had many conversations regarding ethics. Strong moral compass. Not pointed like most. But strong."

"He had the best poker face I've ever seen," Ken says. "He was a hard man to read. But when he looked at you, Shepard, that changed. He was laid bare. It was a beautiful sight to behold."

When no one else speaks, she slowly removes the chain from her dog tags and slips his wedding ring off of it before putting her tags back on and tucking them into her shirt. Karin had thought she would want it and took it from his finger before giving his body to Kolyat. Shepard appreciated the gesture, but would have preferred it remain with him. It seems right to give it back to him in the only way she can now. Tears stream down her face, mixing with the warm rain bathing her cheeks and plastering her hair to her head as she slides her own ring from her finger. She gazes down at her palm where they lie together and traces their edges. From the corner of her eye, she sees Thane hand something green to Liara and she brings it over to Shepard. It's a sea vine like the one her Thane described Irikah being wrapped in. His consideration is touching. He knows exactly what she plans to do. 

Using the vine, she ties the rings together and wraps them carefully. One of the hanar floats up to her and extends one of its tentacles. Her fist closes tightly around the precious bundle before relaxing and she passes it to the hanar. It takes the bundle gently and slides into the water, delivering the package to the sea. "The fire has gone to be kindled anew. Goodbye, Thane," she whispers. She feels an arm slide around her shoulder and looks up to see Garrus beside her. Liara's arm slips around her waist. Grunt and Joker's hands close over her shoulders and Miranda's fingers slide into hers. 

Samara walks in front of her and gently strokes Shepard’s hair the way her mother used to do when she didn't feel well. Suddenly, all she wants is her mother. She breaks away from the group and goes to her. Samara seems surprised, but Shepard feels her arms come around her. "Hush, child," she murmurs as Shepard cries into her shoulder. "The pain will fade. He would not wish for you to suffer so. Let it out, my daughter. Let it go."

Eventually Shepard releases her and wipes her eyes. "I'm sorry," she says. Samara isn’t physically affectionate.

"It is all right," she says in her soothing voice. "I understand grief. But it is like an anchor to the soul. You must find a way to cut it or it will drag you under."

"I just...need to be alone for a little while." She nods and the group withdraws. Shepard sits down on the shore, heedless of the wet sand, and watches the hanar flit about. "I miss you, Thane," she whispers. "God, how I miss you. I wish you were here to see this."

_I am always with you, Siha,_ the reply echoes. She turns to look over her shoulder, expecting him to be there but the beach is empty behind her. _My soul will find yours,_ whispers across her other ear. She imagines she can feel his breath. But when she looks, he's not there. _I will be waiting for you on the shore._

Shepard stands and runs for the sea, throwing herself into the waves and feeling its warmth close over her head. She swims as hard and as fast as she can. The saltwater burns her eyes, but she keeps them open as the hanar dive and spin around her. They seem to understand her grief and her need. She slices through the water beside the luminescent creatures and feels as though the water is washing her spirit clean. She dives as deep as she can before shooting to the surface with the hanar spiraling around her and floats face-up in the warm embrace of the Encompassing while the rain bathes her cheeks. For the first time in months, she feels light. 

She returns to the beach with lazy strokes, feeling ready to face whatever comes next. She has said her goodbye. Though it is not precisely the same, she has seen his planet. She has swum in his ocean. She has stood on his shore. She has bathed in his rain. She understands now his love for the hanar, always the one point of contention between them. These gentle creatures full of compassion, may be misguided in their religious beliefs, but they are not cruel masters of an unfortunate race. They care about the drell enough to give comfort to the widow of one who was not even of their own universe. She understands now why he said it was an honor to aid them. She still doesn't agree with their decision to turn a child into a trained killer, but she can no longer believe they did so coldly or maliciously. 

When the sand rises up enough for her to stand, she turns and faces the sea. "Thank you," she says. The hanar shimmer and then dive away, leaving her alone. 

Or so she thinks. She turns and walks out of the water to find Thane standing on the shore, waiting for her. In his hands, he holds a piece of cloth. He drapes it around her shoulders when she walks onto the beach and Shepard realizes it's a towel. She thanks him and he gives one of his slight bows before gesturing for her to accompany him. They walk to the large dome and he uses his omni-tool to open a glass door. "How long were you standing out there?" she asks him, suddenly worried. "The humidity--"

"Is not a problem," he says. "The Kepral's Syndrome is only in its beginning stages. A few hours in the rain will not hurt me."

A few hours? "How long was I out there?"

He glances at his omni-tool. "Three hours and forty-seven minutes."

"That long? It felt like only a few minutes."

"It is easy to get lost in the vastness of the Encompassing," he says, leading her into a small, dry city. The rain drums monotonously on the glass of the dome overhead. "You had much to give to the sea and the hanar had much to give back to you. They are grateful to you for your efforts against the Reapers. They view you as an avenger of the death of their gods in a way. Comfort and strength were the greatest gifts they could give you." He turns and leads her down a narrow street to a small cottage where he stops. "This is my home," he says. "You have shared yours with me for weeks now. I would be honored if you would accept my hospitality while we are here. It is rare that I have guests, but I do have accommodations for such an occasion."

She had expected to return to the _Normandy_ , but is curious and, as nice as her cabin on the ship is and as much as she loves her ship, they have been cooped up on board for a while and she has to admit it would be nice to sleep in a bed that's not surrounded by the same metal walls. "All right," she says. "Thank you, Thane."

He nods and opens the door, saying, "It is not often that we get visitors on Kahje, but there is a trade route between here and Illium. I have secured arrangements for the rest of the crew if you would like to grant them shore leave for the evening."

"That's a good idea," she says. "The rest of the crew probably has a little cabin fever, too. Joker, shore leave. Tell the crew. Thane made arrangements for you guys to stay at..." she breaks off and look at Thane. He hasn't said where they'll be staying. 

"He already gave me the information," Joker tells me. "You won't be joining us?"

"He offered me his guest room."

"Uh, Commander, I don't want to overstep here, but are you sure that's the best idea?" Joker asks. "I mean, I know that you know he's not our Thane, but I just don't want you...ugh, never mind. That's a stupid thing to say. It's not like you can forget."

"No, it's not," she tells him.

"All right, then. We'll come ashore once I pry my foot out of my mouth. Joker out."

Shepard wipes the sand from her boots and follows Thane inside and looks around with interest. The walls are made of an adobe-like material and the interior is lavishly appointed with rich leather furniture and art from various cultures tastefully displayed around the room. One full wall is a series of shelves lined with heavy tomes made from real paper. "May I?" she asks, gesturing to a leather-bound copy of Hobbes' _Leviathan_.

"Please do," he says. "Make yourself at home. Would you like something to eat or drink? The saltwater can make one thirsty."

"A drink would be wonderful," she tells him. 

"Do you like fruit?" he asks as she gingerly pulls the book from the shelf and inhales deeply. Kasumi would love this. They both love the smell of old books. It's rare that she’s been able to hold one made from real paper. Kasumi’s collection is the first she’d seen before now. The vast majority of them are stored on datapads. she’s about to sit when she remembers that her clothing is wet. She replaces the book on the shelf and looks at him in bemusement. "Sorry. Fruit. Yes, I like fruit. Um, I probably should have stopped by the ship to get some dry clothes," she says, patting her damp uniform. The arid air under the dome is quickly evaporating the water from the fabric and it's becoming stiff as it dries. Her hair is probably a mess, too, she realizes as she rubs the towel over it.

There's a knock on the door and he says, "That would be Kelly. I asked EDI to request that she pack a bag for you and bring it over when they came ashore.” He goes to the door and opens it. Kelly passes him Shepard’s shore bag and he says, "Thank you, Kelly. The Commander was just mentioning her need for this."

"You're welcome, Sere Krios. Commander Shepard. Thanks for the shore leave! I haven't been to the beach in years! Do you think the hanar would mind if I went in the ocean? I mean, it's raining but it's warm enough."

"They would not mind at all, Yeoman Chambers, as long as you do not disturb them," he assures her.

"Oh, I won't! Thank you!" She waves at Shepard and then bounces down the walkway, her red hair bobbing like a flame. 

"She is...enthusiastic," he says.

"Yeah," Shepard agrees. "I swear, if I hear her chirp, 'Commander, you have a new message at your private terminal,' one more time..."

He laughs. "It is good to see you smile, Si—Shepard." He turns quickly and leads the way to a large bedroom with a private bath. It's clean but has an air of disuse that tells her it's been a long time since anyone was in here. There are no personal effects here and she assumes this is the guest room he mentioned. He sets her shore bag at the foot of the bed. "I will prepare a drink for you while you change. If you would like to shower first, there are more towels in the closet there."

"Thank you," she tells him and he leaves the room. Kelly packed her toiletries so she takes his suggestion and showers off the saltwater before changing into clean clothes. 

___

Thane moves into the kitchen to prepare Shepard’s drink, chastising himself as he goes. He should not have brought her here. Her presence makes the internal battle in which he has been engaged for weeks more difficult to fight. He wants her, would likely want her even if she weren’t his soul’s mate, and it hurt him to witness her suffering. He tells himself that he must not give in but he cannot seem to stop himself from seeking her out. He should have more self-control, both for her sake and for his own.

___

Rather than her normal uniform, Kelly has provided a flaring black shirt with a mandarin collar and white and gray stripes along the buttoned front with a pair of black slacks that will be comfortable for lounging here or suitable for anywhere they might go. She thinks of everything. Shepard uses her omni-tool to send an ionizing blast through her hair that instantly dries and straightens it, leaving it smooth and shining before placing the used towels in a bin marked 'Laundry'. 

When she returns to the living area, Thane is standing at the counter with that far-away look in his eyes. His lips move but she can't hear what he's saying. She wonders what he's remembering before catching herself and reminding herself it's none of her business. She’s so accustomed to being privy to her Thane's memories that she hadn't realized just how much he'd willingly revealed to her by vocalizing them. It led to some awkward moments at times when he remembered Irikah or embarrassing childhood experiences, but even those gave her insights into him as a person. 

She leans up against the bar that separates the kitchen from the living area and waits it out. He blinks rapidly and his eyes focus on her. "I apologize," he says. "I did not hear you come out."

"I understand," she tells him.

"Yes," he says. "I suppose you do. Here." He hands her a glass with a deep purple liquid inside. "You may like this. It comes from the fruit of one of our trees. It's very hydrating and nutritious and is one of the staples of our diet. I imagine your version of me grew up drinking something very similar. If you do not like it, I will not be offended."

She takes a sip and the flavor of the fruit bursts over her tastebuds. It's sweet and tart like a berry but with a smoky undertone she can't identify that makes it rich and complicated. "I could get used to this," she tells him. 

"I am glad you like it. Now, you were interested in the books?"

"Oh, yes," she says, glad he reminded her. They carry their glasses into the living area and she places hers carefully on the table before returning to the book she'd been looking at before.

"Interesting selection," he says.

"It was my Thane's favorite," she tells him, tracing the edges. "He told me he had a copy just like this. His father had gotten it for him from an antique book collector when he was a child. I teased him about being the only kid I knew of who would rather have an almost two-hundred-year old philosophy book as a gift than a toy of some kind."

"I was not a playful child," he says. "Even then, I was possessed of a seriousness beyond my years."

"That's what he said, too," she tells him, opening the cover. "He said it had an inscription on the cover..." she trails off as she sees it. "This book...how?"

"Is it so strange?" he asks. 

"No. I guess not," she says. "So you really did originate from the same point. I don't know why this is what makes it feel real, but it does. You're who Thane would have been if he hadn't met Irikah. That's kind of sad..." 

"Why does it make you sad?" he asks curiously.

She looks over at him. "You aren't that different from him. You aren't as sad and you aren't as conflicted. That tells me her death and his mistakes that led to it had a greater impact on him than her life did. And that's sad. They were married for years. They had a child together. She should have had a greater impact on him than that. He changed a lot during his time on the _Normandy_. He was happier. It doesn't seem right that I should have changed him more than she did. Our time together was so short."

"Time has no meaning to the soul," he says. "How did she die?"

"Batarians killed her. They're not like they are here. In our universe, they're thugs. I've never met a single one who wasn't vicious and brutal. They're almost as bad as the vorcha. They're just a little smarter. He left the hanar when he married Irikah because he said she woke him from his battle sleep and he wanted to settle down but he had no skills outside of his training so he became a freelancer. From what I gathered, she supported it but it took him farther and farther from home. He said she would tell people he was 'away on business' and that eventually he was always away on business. He said he abandoned her and Kolyat but I think that was more guilt talking than anything else because he always returned. I don't know. Maybe I have a different perspective on it since I'm life-long military and being away on assignments and missions is just a normal part of life in my eyes.

"Anyway, he stayed away too long. He said he got cocky. He had killed the head of a batarian slaver-pirate ring. The guy's underlings were too afraid to come after him directly, so they killed her to get to him. Kolyat, fortunately, wasn't harmed. Thane came home to her blood on the walls. He stayed long enough to send her body to the sea and make arrangements for Kolyat and then left again. He tracked down her murderers and killed them. He told me they were the only deaths on his conscience because he didn't kill them quickly. He let them linger. And then he fell back into his battle sleep until he met me and I woke him again."

"And you do not resent her part in his life?" he asks.

"No. Why would I? She gave him happiness for a little while, at least, and she gave him Kolyat. He loved her. Why would I resent that? I wouldn't begrudge him his happiness. His love for her took nothing from his love for me. In fact, it may have made it better. He valued the time we had more because of it and made sure that he was present with me for as much of it as he could."

"I know many women who would begrudge it," he says. "Especially given that our memories feel as real as life. When he remembered her, he was there with her."

She considers that and then says slowly, "If the pain he felt on losing her was even half as much as what I feel from losing him and if those memories of her allowed him to have her back for even a few minutes and gave him comfort, then I'm glad he had them. He could love her and still love me. I wondered once when he spoke of meeting her eyes through the scope and his purpose faltering and how he thought she was the goddess Arashu what it would be like to be loved like that. He showed me. I was his Siha."

His brows draw together and he says, "Strange."

"What?" I ask him.

His eyes go distant. "She leans against the window with her arm raised, looking out into the void. Stars glitter like diamonds. A glass shimmers in her hand. Her countenance is weary, burdened. 'I'm sorry, Mom,' she whispers. She does not realize I am here. I am intruding. I should go. 'Hey, EDI?' she says. Her voice is bleak but determined. 'Make sure you don't mention the chances of those back home to anyone else, okay? I don't want to make this any harder for them than it already is. If they're thinking about their loved ones dying back there, they won't be able to adapt here. If this is where we can do the most good, then this is where we stay.' 

"An impossible call. A terrible knowledge she chooses to carry alone to protect her people. The other Shepard would have shared the burden. This one is tenacious in her protection, even at the expense of her own peace. I turn to leave. Her words are not meant for my ears. I will carry her secret. A choked sound, like crying. 'I miss you, Thane.' My name on her lips. I stop. 'Guide him, Kalahira.' She prays to the goddess of the oceans and afterlife. A tortured soul, praying for another, not realizing the prayer was meant for her. To love like that and be loved so fiercely in return. I envy my own soul in another body. I wish to comfort her but know my presence will only cause her pain. The quiet question: 'Why did the last verse say she?' This, I can give her."

He pauses for a moment. She hadn't realized he'd been there that long and heard all of that. Then he continues. Another memory this time. "She vanishes before my eyes. Reappears a few feet away, gun to a man's head. He cries out. Begs for mercy. Her dark eyes are cold. She, gentle mother to her strange children, has no mercy to give here. Her people have been threatened. 'You want to bring the Reapers?' she demands. 'You want to kill my people, to end all life in the galaxy? Fine. We'll start with yours.' She pulls the trigger. Blood rains down, black as pitch. Her smile is as fierce in its wrath as she is tenacious in the protection of her people. She is Siha, the warrior-angel of Arashu made flesh."

He blinks. "I am sorry. As you can see, that has been my impression of you as well. I suppose it is not so strange that we should both see the same thing in you."

The book has fallen forgotten into her lap. She picks it up, anxious for something solid to hold onto. "I don't know what to say," she admits.

"You do not have to say anything," he says. "I expect nothing from you, Shepard. Let us talk of simpler things. You mentioned that the batarians in your universe are different. What other changes have you noticed? What is your universe like?"

She laughs and says, "Only you would consider a side-by-side comparison of two separate universes a simple topic."

"Drell have believed in the multiverse since before it could be scientifically demonstrated," he says. "This is not a difficult idea to accept for us."

"All right," she says. "Well, the Council is different. Attitudes, in general, are softer here. In our universe, Aria never would have come to me for help when Cerberus attacked. Maybe, _maybe_ , she would have come to me for help getting it back. But it would have taken her losing it to get her to reach out. Jack is less abrasive here as well. She's still prickly, but she doesn't have the same deep, burning rage consuming her as she did in my universe. Wrex is friendlier. Kaidan is easier to deal with. Jacob doesn't seem to trust or like Miranda, which has to be tough on her, but he's more pliable here. People here are just nicer in general. 

"In my universe, the hanar would have demanded money to get us into the ruins. Oh, it wouldn't have been an outright demand, but a polite request—even from a drell—wouldn't have cut it. It would have been...suggested...that as generosity is seen as an Enkindler virtue, a display of said virtue in the form of a contribution should allow us brief access or something along those lines with more humility and prose thrown in. The hanar were the only thing my Thane and I ever got heated about. I thought the hanar had 'rescued' his people only to enslave them. In my mind, it wasn't a rescue from Rakhana so much as a harvest of grateful servants. He didn't see it that way. Now, though..." she says, looking through the window to the ocean beyond, "maybe he was right."

"You were both correct," he says, "insomuch as you are a servant to the Alliance as well."

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"'Dominion acquired by conquest, or victory in war, is that which some call despotical, which signifieth a lord or master, and is the dominion of the master over his servant. And this dominion is then acquired to the victor when the vanquished, to avoid the present stroke of death, covenanteth, either in express words or by other sufficient signs of the will, that so long as his life and the liberty of his body is allowed him, the victor shall have the use thereof at his pleasure. And after such covenant is made, the vanquished is a servant, and not before—for by the word servant is not meant a captive which is kept in prison or bonds till the owner of him that took him, or bought him of one that did, shall consider what to do with him; for such men, commonly called slaves, have no obligation at all but may break their bonds, or the prison and kill or carry away captive their master, justly—but one that, being taken, hath corporal liberty allowed him and upon promise not to run away nor to do violence to his master, is trusted by him. It is not, therefore, the victory that giveth the right of dominion over the vanquished, but his own covenant....'"

"Hobbes again," she says. "So what you're saying is that, because the hanar saved your race from certain death, you as a whole essentially entered into voluntary servitude and promised to remain on Kahje. Thus, the Compact and the reason that few drell leave the planet."

"Precisely."

"But how does that make me a servant of the Alliance?"

"You also have entered into an agreement not to leave without their consent, to do what they will, to refrain from doing harm to them. Granted, it is not by conquest, but you are not truly free, either, unless you are willing to break your vow. Their use of you as a tool is no more malicious nor slavery than the hanar's use of us. You are as capable of leaving as any of us, but dishonor would follow."

"I see your point."

 

That night, though the room is comfortable, sleep eludes her. The steady drone of the rain on the dome outside is foreign and she isn’t accustomed to lights outside her window. She feels the absence of the steady drone of the ship and it seems too still. But none of these things, she knows, are what truly keep her awake. It is the knowledge that Thane sleeps only a short distance away. She reminds herself that he is not _her_ Thane, but what if she’s wrong? She falls into sleep, but it is filled with fragments of disjointed dreams and whispers from beyond the grave.

_She goes to him and places her hand over his fist. "Thane," she says softly. She turns him so that he's facing her and wipes the tear from his face. "None of us knows now if we will see tomorrow. Be alive with me tonight."_

_She presses her lips to his and he pulls her tightly against him. His arm is like a steel band around her waist as his other hand tangles in her hair. "I want you, Siha," he breathes and his mouth runs down the side of her neck, sending sparks flying across her skin. He's beautiful and sexy and lethal and brave and conflicted and she wants him. God, she wants him. She needs to lose herself in him..._

_"Take me," she says and trails kisses across his jaw before he takes her mouth again. Their tongues dance as they tumble back onto the bed. She wraps her legs around his lean waist and he settles in against her. He's heavy but careful to give her room to breathe as he leans over her. She arches against him, needing to be closer, and he threads his fingers through hers and rolls his hips. "Thane!" she gasps._

_"I am here, Siha, always," he murmurs as his lips flow down her throat and across her collarbone._

_My soul will find yours.... His soul still lives in this universe...We are the same soul in different bodies.... I will await you on the shore, Siha...I turn and walk out of the water to find Thane standing on the shore, waiting for me.... I am with you, always, Siha...My soul will find yours.... "She is Siha, the warrior-angel of Arashu made flesh." He blinks. "I am sorry. As you can see, that has been my impression of you as well."_

_"Maybe this is the universe's way of fixing things," Miranda suggests. "By giving you another Thane, one who isn't meant to die."_  
_"He still isn't my Thane."_  
_"You always hope for everyone else, but never for yourself," Miranda says. "You feel guilty about anything you take for you while doing everything in your power to make sure everyone around you has the best you can give them. You risk your life for us every day and you've been fighting to save the galaxy for years now. You forgive almost anything of us but beat yourself up over the tiniest mistake. When do you get to be happy?"_

_I am here, Siha, always...My soul will find yours...His soul still lives in this universe._

_"Maybe this is the universe's way of fixing things...By giving you another Thane, one who isn't meant to die."_

Shepard jolts upright and throws aside the blankets to rise and pace the floor. It can't be. It's not possible. It can't be. It's right in front of her face, but she doesn't believe it. She’s imagining things. Her grief is making her crazy. She’s seeing what she wants to see. _Her_ Thane, the one who loves her, is gone. He's dead. She’s a traitor for even having these thoughts. She’s betraying everything they had, everything they were. She’s betraying him. And she’s doing a fresh disservice to this universe's version of him by even entertaining these thoughts. She’s doing the exact thing she warned herself against. She’s trying to replace him with a different version of himself. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ If the tables were turned, if she had died and he had lived and been sent to this universe, would he do this? She doesn't know. Was this other her as like her as this other Thane is like hers? Would it matter? Does it matter?

She needs a drink. Something to slow her racing thoughts and let her sleep. They have a long day tomorrow. She needs rest. She'll replace whatever she takes. She slips out of the bedroom and pads softly into the kitchen on bare feet, not wishing to disturb him. His cabinets are open-fronted, so she’s able to identify the glasses from the faint light seeping through the windows. She takes one down and then begins her search. She’s never seen him drink alcohol, though her Thane did drink wine on occasion. This one may not have any. He hasn't been here in a while. She may have to settle for juice.

She stands and feels an arm slide around her throat. "It's me! It's me!" she whispers urgently, reaching up automatically to grasp the arm. She’s expecting either smooth fabric or softly scaled skin but what she finds, while drell skin, is slightly different from what she expects. She knows what Thane's skin feels like. This isn't Thane. Shit! She is _not_ going down like Irikah. She thinks quickly. Her nails won't do any good against this guy's thick skin and, while he isn't wearing armor, she’s barefoot and unarmed. She has one shot. A twitch of his muscles and her neck is broken. _Come on, Shepard!_ She’s sparred with Thane. What are his weak spots? Throat, eyes, belly. Belly! She’s short enough that an elbow will hit his abdomen.

She releases his arm and allows herself to go limp before driving both elbows back and down into his slim waist. As expected, he breathes out in a whoosh and his arm loosens as he doubles over. She spins, lashing out with her bare foot as she does, aiming for his knee. His leg collapses and he falls to the floor. She pounces, straddling him with her omni-blade tucked into his chin. It's a drell she doesn't recognize. She sees movement out of the corner of her eye and, without looking up, she snarls, "One more move and he dies."

"I am not opposed to his death, Shepard," Thane says. "However, I would like to know why he is here first."

"Thane!" 

"I am sorry. I could not get a clear shot at him without putting you at risk. Are you injured?" he asks, placing his pistol against the other drell's forehead.

"I'm fine. He isn't as good as you." 

__"How did you know it was not me? I could have been sleepwalking or disoriented from sleep."_ _

__"First, you don't sleepwalk. Second, you don't wake up disoriented. You've had too much training for that. Third, he didn't feel like you."_ _

__"I suppose I am glad you know me so well. You were able to react quickly. Now, drell, who are you and why are you here?"_ _

__"I'm not telling you shit!" the drell spits._ _

__She digs her omni-blade deeper into the red gill-like membrane under his chin. "Do you know who we are?" she asks him._ _

__"Commander Shepard and Thane Krios," he growls, trying to pull his head away from her blade._ _

__"If you know who we are, then you know you're a dead man," she says._ _

__"No way," he sneers. "Commander Shepard doesn't kill people once she's got them helpless. You won't let Krios here kill me, either."_ _

__"Guess again," she says, digging in deeper until she sees red blood trickle over the orange blade. His eyes widen. "I will burn you alive and dance to the music of your screams. Which one of us are you here for?"_ _

__"Both!" he squeals, squirming now._ _

__"Who hired you?" Thane asks softly._ _

__"I can't tell you that! He'll kill me!"_ _

__"Did you already forget the part where I burn you alive if you don't?" she asks him. "Maybe I should remind you." She pulls her blade away and her palm starts to glow. She isn’t going to kill him—yet—but he doesn't need to know that. She places her flaming palm against his chest, letting him feel the heat of what will become a fireball sear his skin. It hurts her, too. It's not designed to hold one like this for an extended period of time. But she ignores the pain and holds it there._ _

__"The Illusive Man sent me!" he screams. "I told you! I told you! Make her stop!"_ _

__"No," Thane says. "Why did he hire you?"_ _

__"I work for Cerberus! He hired me! I'm supposed to take you both out and then escort the asari down to the ruins. He wants something there—I don't know what yet—but he needs the asari to get me in. Once we're in, I kill her, get whatever data she's looking for, and get out. That's all I know! I swear!" Shepard looks up at Thane. He nods. She lets the fire fade and her blade appears again. The drell looks confused. "You said you wouldn't kill me if I told you!"_ _

__"No," she says. "I said I would burn you alive and dance to the sound of your screams if you didn't. You made one fatal mistake. You fuck with my family, you fuck with me. The Illusive Man clearly didn't understand my last message. Maybe this one will make more sense," she snarls as she slices his throat open and hot blood gushes out and splashes her in the face. In a flash, Thane has her over the sink and is running water over her face and into her mouth. She sputters. "What are you doing?"_ _

__"Stop talking and do not swallow this," he says firmly. "His blood is in your mouth. Did you ingest any?"_ _

__"No."_ _

__"Good. Spit." She does and he directs the spray into her mouth again. "Your eyes and nose as well," he says._ _

__"I can do it," she tells him. He lets go and watches closely as she washes her face and flushes her eyes and nose. She gargles and spits and then turns to him. "Good enough?" He relaxes and nods. "What the hell was that all about?" she demands._ _

__"The toxins on our skin are only mildly hallucinogenic. The ones in our blood are much more concentrated. Ingestion of even small amounts could be fatal to humans. You were not likely exposed to enough for long enough for it to be extremely harmful, but you may still experience hallucinations over the next several hours."_ _

__"Great. So much for sleep. Sorry about the mess."_ _

__"I was going to request that you move so that I could shoot him. What would you like to do with the body?"_ _

__"Send it to a Cerberus base," she answers._ _

__"Are you sure that is wise, Shepard?"_ _

__"He already sent someone to kill us," she points out. "What more is he going to do?"_ _

__"I see your point. Why is he interested in what Liara is looking for?"_ _

__"My guess is that he thinks that whatever she's going after is something he can use to increase his own power. He's insane, Thane, and likely indoctrinated. He was in my universe. Things don't seem all that different here."_ _

__He looks over at the dead drell. "We should do something about that," he says. "You know, this may go down in history as the shortest interrogation ever."_ _

__"Not quite," she answers with a small laugh, remembering the last interrogation she did with her Thane when they were looking for Kolyat. "My record is about thirty seconds."_ _

__He raises his brows and nods. "Impressive. Our Shepard was not quite so...expedient."_ _

__"We've still got some Cerberus body containment units on the ship. We can take him there until we're ready to leave," she suggests. He bends over and scoops up the dead drell. "What was she like?" she asks him as she goes to retrieve her shoes._ _

__"Our Shepard?" he asks._ _

__"Yeah."_ _

__He considers the question for a moment. "She was very different from you in some ways and similar in others. Virtuous. Kind. Patient. Strong-willed but not stubborn. She sought the most peaceful solution even when it was not necessarily wise. She preferred word to action though she did not hesitate to follow through with action when necessary. It weighed on her, however. She was courteous with me but...wary. I had the impression that she never fully trusted me, especially after she helped me with my final assignment for the hanar. She learned that the man I was sent to kill was a devoted father. She wanted me to negotiate with the hanar to spare his life and attempted to stop me from taking it. In the end, she did as I asked, but she did not like it. You would not have hesitated, I think. Your priorities are different. It is interesting to see how the loss of your squad changed both of you."_ _

__"Loss of our squad?" she asks._ _

__"Did you not lose your squad on Akuze to a thresher maw?"_ _

__"No. I've never been to Akuze."_ _

__"Interesting. When she was made a Spectre, her survival there weighed heavily in the decision-making process."_ _

__"Ah," she says, understanding. "Peaceful batarians. No Skyllian Blitz."_ _

__"The vorcha were responsible for the Blitz here," he tells her as they go through the door and out into the dark night._ _

__"Oh. Well, in my universe, the Blitz was the work of the batarians. I was on shore leave on Elysium when it started. I rallied the colonists and we held the line until they were hit with overwhelming force. I'd have lost the entire colony if I hadn't called them back. So I did and sealed the breach. I held them off until the Alliance got there."_ _

__"I suspect there is more to that story than you let on," he says._ _

__She’s never truly talked about the Blitz, not even to her Thane. He never asked. She’s told Anderson bits and pieces but not the whole story. Everyone on her crew knows about it, of course. She received the Star of Terra for it. But it's just not something they talk about most of the time. She doesn't have a problem with talking about it. She just doesn't know where to begin. "The media likes to make it sound glamorous," she finally says. "The tiny human woman who stood between ten thousand batarians and millions of helpless colonists and single-handedly saved the colony. They forget to mention the soldiers who died helping me hold out and the civilians who stepped up even though most of them barely knew how to hold a rifle and many of them were completely unarmed. It was a slaughter. The marines did their best but they were just foot soldiers. They didn't know anything about leading mixed groups of scared humans and aliens against an army of pirates and warlords but they stepped up. They were the real heroes."_ _

__"And when they died?"_ _

__"The batarians broke through our defensive lines. I knew they would. We were buying time. I pulled the ones who were left back in. They were all badly wounded. None of them could keep fighting. I was left with a colony of housewives, children, elderly, and injured. I was it. So I got those who were able-bodied to help me seal off the colony and I held them off until reinforcements arrived. A lot of it is a blur now. Hours upon hours of fighting to knock them back so I could get free to run to another area where they were advancing to knock them back to give me time to shore up the barriers somewhere else. The frantic screams of the colonists I'd set up as lookouts as pirates climbed the walls. Bullets raining down like hail, shattering windows and punching through walls and tearing through flesh. We didn't have armor then like we do now and I was on shore leave in my civvies, so I'd cobbled together what I could from the dead pirates. It kept me alive but just barely. By the end, I'd taken nine rounds through it and been grazed by god only knows how many."_ _

__She pauses as he opens the door to the dome and they walk over to the waiting shuttle. She opens it and he lays the body gently down on the floor before climbing up. She comes in behind him and then realizes..."I don't know how to fly this thing."_ _

__"I do," he says._ _

__"Is there anything you can't do?" she asks._ _

__"Sing," he answers with a smile as he slips into the pilot's seat. "Go on."_ _

__She sits down beside him and continues, "Like I said, a lot of it is a blur. I remember my shoulders and my back muscles screaming from the weight of my rifle, my legs trembling from exhaustion, my trigger finger locking up. My palm was black from all the fireballs I shot. I remember thinking when I lowered my rifle that I wouldn't be able to pick it back up again. One more hour became my mantra. One more hour. But soon one more hour might as well have been an eternity. The night was interminable. One more step. One more pirate. One more breath. Exhaustion weighing me down until placing my eye to the scope was like lying against a pillow. I paid a boy to follow me around and wake me up when I fell asleep against my rifle. The colonists brought me food and water and fed me from their hands while I fought. The doctors bandaged my wounds and applied medi-gel to me on the run._ _

__"When the Alliance showed up, the batarians ran. The last thing I remember is the sound of the colonists cheering and the boy tugging at my elbow saying, 'Help is here. You can go to sleep now.' I woke up a week later in the hospital, still on Elysium. They insisted on being the ones to fix me up. When I got out of the hospital, the Alliance awarded me the Star of Terra. The colonists built a memorial that everyone says is to me but it's got the names of all of the marines and civilians who died there on it. It's funny. They call me a hero but, honestly, I just couldn't stand by and do nothing and I couldn't give up."_ _

__"Of course. You are Siha."_ _

__She knows she shouldn't let him call her that. It feels wrong in a way to have that name come out of his mouth. But at the same time it fills her with a warmth she can't force herself to give up by asking him not to say it. So she lets it slide and when he docks with the _Normandy_ , she goes over to the storage area in the shuttle bay and pulls out one of the gray coffins with the Cerberus logo on it so that he can deposit the body. It seals and automatically cools to prevent decomposition and together they push it into a dark corner to wait for an opportunity to deliver their message to the Illusive Man._ _

__The ride back to Kahje is quiet until he asks if she’s experiencing any side effects of the drell toxin. "No," she tells him. "I, uh, built up a tolerance." The memories of how she did that slide through her mind and she shivers. She'd thought that losing him would be the end of her desire but having his likeness so close brings it all back. Once more, she feels disloyal and tells herself it's natural for her body to react to someone who looks and acts and moves like its lover. It isn't that she wants _this_ Thane, she tries to reason. She barely knows him. Her mind and her heart can tell the difference. Her body can't. As long as she doesn't act on this sudden desire, she'll be okay. She just has to hold out until the war is over and then he'll come back to Kahje and she'll figure out a new life. If she survives. And if she doesn't, then she gets to go to her Thane. Either way, once she’s no longer seeing this Thane every day, this crazy idea that he's somehow still hers will fade._ _

__The new day dawns cloudy and rainy with none of the streamers of sunlight that broke through the day before. They stand on the edge of the Encompassing while Thane procures transportation to the ruins. They're housed in an enclosed shrine at the bottom of the ocean so he directs them to a vehicle that looks like a skycar but has a propulsion system designed for water rather than air. "You're sure this thing will seal?" she asks doubtfully as they climb in._ _

__"I am positive," he says._ _

__Even with his assurance, she finds herself holding her breath as they sink below the surface. When they're completely submerged and she can't see any water leaking in, she breathes normally again and allows herself to appreciate the beauty of the sea around them. In addition to the hanar, there are the smaller, non-sentient jellyfish and she sees a few of the brightly colored fish she has in her aquarium in her cabin. She’d bought them to make Thane feel more at home._ _

__She’s lost in memories of Thane standing in front of the tank watching the fish when Liara shouts, "Look out!" Through the window, she sees torpedoes headed straight for them. Thane dodges but the vessel isn't designed for maneuverability and one hits. Water pours in. "What is going on?" she asks._ _

__"Is it Cerberus?" she asks him, eyeing the water rushing in through the breach and wondering how they're going to get out of this one._ _

__"The shrine's defense systems are shooting at us," he says. "Temple Control, this is vessel Simo-Two-Two. We are not hostile! I repeat, we are not hostile. Hold your fire!" He glances at her. "There is no response. We are closer to the temple than the surface. We must try to get there."_ _

__"Goddess," Liara gasps._ _

__"The controls have seized," Thane says quickly. "I cannot control our descent."_ _

__"Where are the escape pods?" she asks. The water is now up to their waist._ _

__"In the back. We will have to swim for them...and pray they are still working."_ _

__"Give me some room," Liara says as her hands begin to glow blue. A biotic bubble expands throughout the cabin to encompass the vessel. The water stops rising. "See if you can get the engines back online, Thane," she says. "Be quick. I can't keep this up for long." He works swiftly and they hear the engines start up again. The vessel cuts forward through the water. The temple has stopped firing at them and he brings them through a lock into the enclosed shrine. They climb out and she says, "Whoever fired those torpedoes at us...I'd like to have a word."_ _

__Thane leads them into a long, circular hallway that wraps around a central core. "Shepard," he says quietly when they enter._ _

__"I see them," she says, drawing her pistol. There are bodies lying slumped against the metal walls. Their throats are slit. Phantoms. Cerberus is here after all. They quietly make their way down the hall and her assumption is proven correct when a pair of them drop down from the ceiling. "Don't let them get close!" she warns._ _

__"We know!" Liara says, throwing out a singularity field. Thane throws one aside and Shepard sends a fireball at it while they both open fire on the other._ _

__A third drops down behind Liara with its sword raised. "End of the line, asari," it sneers._ _

__"Not for me," she says, warping it. The phantom collapses. They wait but hear nothing else, so they cautiously enter the center chamber. There's a beacon like the one on Eden Prime in the center. Liara approaches it and activates her omni-tool. "What is hiding in these records that is worth killing so many over?" she asks, speaking almost to herself. They're used to it, so Thane and Shepard don't answer. They simply guard her back as she works. "The amount of data stored within this beacon is staggering. There's so much to process. The information I'd thought to find isn't here, but what is here...encryption keys, tools to unlock other, older Prothean archives on other planets. But where? Yes! At least three other sites. The location of the first is unknown. The second appears to have been erased several centuries ago. Hmmm... The third location is listed here, though. It's--"_ _

__"Doctor T'Soni," a familiar voice sneers. "I think it's time you and I had a chat." Shepard whirls around but here, as in her universe, he's too much of a coward to appear in person._ _

__"Killing us didn't work, so now you want to talk?" Liara scoffs._ _

__"I don't want you dead," he tells her. "I had nothing to do with sending that phantom to Kahje. You have to trust me."_ _

__"He's lying," Shepard says._ _

__"Or he's saying that rogue agents within his own network are operating without his knowledge. That hardly inspires confidence," she shrugs._ _

__"Some of my people are frightened," he says, "and with good reason. The Reapers are on the march. No one can afford to take chances. This has led to some within Cerberus letting their concern overrule their better judgment. I'm reining them in. It won't happen again."_ _

__"What does that have to do with me? Why is Cerberus here?"_ _

__"We're after the same thing you are, Doctor," he says in his snake-oil salesman voice, "finding a way to stop the Reapers. Though if we'd been working in tandem rather than independently chasing leads in the dark, perhaps the bloodshed there could have been avoided. I propose we call a truce."_ _

__"Don't listen to him, Liara," Shepard says._ _

__"Sharing what we know...pooling our resources...it could be beneficial," she says. "Though you'll understand if I'm a little cautious after just having had a Cerberus blade held to my throat. So why don't you go first? Upload all of the intel Cerberus has on stopping the Reapers to my omni-tool. If I like what I see, I'll do the same in return." Damn, she's good. He doesn't respond and she says, "I see. So either you aren't willing to share information...or you don’t have any."_ _

__"Don't play games with me, Liara," he snarls. "You're out of your depth."_ _

__"Charming as ever," Shepard says. He ignores her._ _

__"I found what I needed here," Liara says. "We're leaving."_ _

__"You really want to push me?" he demands. "You need me."_ _

__"And yet here you are, trying to make a deal," Shepard tells him. "Next time you send someone to kill us, it had better be an army. Cut him off, Liara."_ _

__"Liara! Commander Shepard! Don't do something you're going to regret..." He blinks out._ _

__"Thane, do you think you can get one of the other shuttles here working?" Shepard asks._ _

__"Provided the phantom did not disable them, yes."_ _

__He gets one working and they climb in. She feels a little more confident now knowing that Liara can hold the water out in case of another hull breach. "Shepard, I'm going to need you to pull some strings with Admiral Hackett and get me access to an Alliance facility," Liara says._ _

__"Why? Where was the third one?" she asks her._ _

__"I need to go to Mars," she answers._ _

__"Mars? But we've already explored the ruins on Mars," Shepard says._ _

__"Your people have. I haven't."_ _

__Good point. "Okay. I guess we're going to Mars."_ _

__"That's not necessary, Shepard. This is going to take time and none of you can help."_ _

__Their trip back up to the surface is uneventful and, after a ritualistic and profuse series of thank yous to the hanar, they return to the _Normandy_. Shepard calls up Admiral Hackett on the comm and briefs him on what happened. He agrees to secure Liara's access to the Mars Archives and then orders the _Normandy_ into dry dock on Earth for further retrofits. Normally, she'd be upset by the idea of being stuck in dry dock, but she knows she can do more good there helping the Alliance prepare for the arrival of the Reapers than out here waiting for something to happen. She gathers the primary crew in the mess hall and explains the situation. Liara is the only one so far who knows about the attack on Shepard and Thane the night before. _ _

__"You must feel at least a little insulted," Grunt says when she finishes._ _

__"Why?"_ _

__"Cerberus only sent three phantoms and a single drell assassin to take the three of you out? That's child's play."_ _

__"If that drell assassin had been just a little better," Liara says, "we'd have lost another Commander Shepard. He must have been good to get the drop on you like that."_ _

__"He was good," she concedes. "But not good enough. A single drell assassin would have been sufficient if that assassin had been Thane. I'd have been dead the moment he got his hands on me."_ _

__"He hesitated. Amateur," Thane says scornfully, standing behind her. "The only reason he was able to get as close as he did was because you were in my home and your guard was down. You handled the situation admirably, Shepard." He puts his hand lightly on her shoulder and she can't stop herself from relaxing into it._ _

__"Speaking of your home," she says, "we haven't left Kahje yet. Since we're going into dry dock and already here, I thought you might want to stay. It doesn't make sense to go back to the Citadel or all the way to Earth only to have to catch a transport back."_ _

__"Actually," he says, "given that we have only a short time before the Reapers arrive if EDI's calculations are correct, I was thinking that I have never seen a desert before. I have heard wonderful things about a place called New Mexico. This may be our last opportunity to visit places we have not been before the war. Additionally, if I remain on Kahje, the hanar will likely expect me to resume my working relationship with them. If you do not mind, I will accompany you back to Earth and then rejoin your crew when we resume our mission."_ _

__She’s surprised but not dismayed. "All right. Anybody else have somewhere they'd like to go on leave while we're out of commission?"_ _

__"If we're not actively fighting, I should get back to Grissom Academy and my students," Jack says._ _

__"I've been thinking about what you said, Shepard," Wrex says, "about me being a clan leader in your universe. I'm going back to Tuchanka to take over. The only thing better than a krogan by your side is a whole clan of them! Grunt here can come, too. Let Uncle Wrex teach him what it really means to be krogan."_ _

__Shepard nods and Tali says, "I should go back to the flotilla and take my place among the fleet. I can help them prepare for the war as well."_ _

__Garrus surprises her by saying, "I received a message from this universe's version of my father. It seems their relationship was less strained than mine in ours. He's offered me the opportunity to lead a task force on Palaven. I figure if we're stuck here, we might as well begin to assimilate. Give us something here to fight for on those days we need to look at the big picture."_ _

__"That's a good idea, Garrus," she says._ _

"Don't worry. I'll come back when the fighting starts. You're going to need me to pull your ass out of all those fires."

"Remind me,” she teases, "who saved who from a mercenary army?"

__"Uh huh," he says, "and how many times have I saved your ass? I think we're about even."_ _

__"If you say so," she tells him._ _

__"I have been told that Morinth existed in this universe as well, Shepard," Samara says. "If that is true, there may be other Ardat-Yakshi that my counterpart was hunting. I feel that it is my duty to ensure that her mission is complete. With your leave, I would go and search for them."_ _

__"Done," Shepard tells her._ _

__"Thank you, Shepard. I, too, will rejoin you when I am able."_ _

__"Anybody else?" she asks._ _

__"I would like to try to find this universe's version of Oriana," Miranda says. "I need to ensure my father is truly dead here and that she is safe." The glance she casts at Jacob tells Shepard she has another reason for leaving as well. They haven't gotten along as well as Garrus with this Tali or Shepard with this Thane. Jacob still looks at her with suspicion and refuses to make any attempt to get to know her. She's put on her Ice Queen facade with him, but under it Shepard senses a layer of pain she’s all too familiar with._ _

__"I understand, Miranda," she says gently._ _

__"I thought you would," she replies._ _

__"I guess the rest of us are going back to Earth then," Kaidan says._ _


	7. Chapter 7

Shepard is looking out the window of her apartment at Alliance HQ, watching a little boy play with a model ship on a rooftop garden across the way while she waits for Thane to arrive when Vega comes in and salutes her. “Commander,” he says briskly. “We gotta go. The defense committee wants to see you.”

“Sounds important,” she says, following him. “What’s going on?”

“Couldn’t say. Just told me they needed you...now.”

That's not good. She’s been working closely with the defense committee for the past months. They've listened and taken her advice, which has been a welcome change. She’s even getting to know some of the people in this universe. There have been a few moments where she’s come across someone the other her knew but she didn't and she’s had to play it off but, for the most part, she’s been accepted without question. Something has happened to her while she’s been here. It began on Kahje and has continued since. She’s been at peace with her decision to remain here. She still grieves for the ones she left behind, but the versions of them that are here are so close to them that she can't help becoming attached. 

She’s had a lot of time to think between briefings and she feels as if she’s been able to finally accept her Thane's death. It's been almost a year now since she lost him. She still misses him and will always love him, but saying goodbye to him on Kahje and then having time away from this Thane has allowed the pain to crest and then finally fade. She’s even begun to form a true friendship with this universe's Thane. She took a weekend off at Anderson's insistence a couple months ago and decided to spend it in the desert with him. They went to the Grand Canyon and watched a beautiful sunset together. He was entranced by a battle between a scorpion and a cricket. 

And they talked. He helped her get to know the other version of herself and she told him more about her Thane. They shared about themselves as well. He's so much like hers that it still hurts to have him near, but she’s started focusing more on the differences and it's allowed her to appreciate him for who he is in this universe. Since then, he's come to visit here often and she’s spent what little leave she’s had touring Earth with him. He called less than an hour ago to tell her he was on the way here.

___

"Shepard," she hears Thane say over her comm mere minutes later. "I am just coming into the city. There are Reapers everywhere. Are you safe?"

"Sort of," she says as she and Anderson climb out the broken window and look around. Reapers cover Vancouver. There are dozens of them all around. Their beams cut swaths of destruction everywhere they touch, and smoke fills the air. One hits the building in front of them and fire flares and dies. It happened so fast. Even she wasn't ready for this. "We're trying to get to the _Normandy_. Meet us there."  
"Understood."  
“How do you stop something so powerful?” Anderson asks as they run across the tresses. She has no answer for him. Stopping one was hard enough. She doesn’t know how to stop thousands. The Oculus things that cut through her cargo hold beyond the Omega 4 relay chase the shuttles and fighter planes, firing at them and turning them into balls of flame. As if Reapers and Oculus...Oculi?...weren’t enough, the buildings are crawling with husks. They quickly run out of ammo and are forced to use their omni-blades and tech on them. A Reaper crouches right above them. She sees the flash of its beam and runs as it hits the building beside her, blowing out the windows. 

A short time later, they’re outside again and there’s a Reaper right above them. It isn’t paying attention to them, though. Instead, it fires at a dreadnought which explodes with a light so bright it blocks her vision. The ramp they’re on shakes and falls and they fall to the ground into a field of rubble from downed vessels. There used to be a pond here. Now there’s charred metal and fire and death. People scream in the streets as they die.

They find a couple of Alliance guys under attack by cannibals. She takes them out and they help the guys. One of them’s stuck under a big sheet of metal. They pull him out and the soldiers tell them there’s a radio on their ship. They just have to get to it and it’s crawling with cannibals. God, she’d kill for her sniper rifle. And armor. Armor would be nice. She’s still in her dress fatigues. They wipe out the cannibals and find the radio. It’s acting up but Anderson gets a distress beacon sent out and then they settle in to wait for the _Normandy_.

Not a moment too soon, Joker’s voice says, “Cavalry has arrived.”

They fire on the cannibals and then come around to pick Shepard and Anderson up. God, she’s missed that ship. She’s a beautiful sight in all this madness. Shepard runs for her and Anderson follows. Kaidan and James cover her as she jumps into the shuttle bay and turns to help Anderson in. He doesn’t come. She stands in the open door of the shuttle bay as the _Normandy_ lifts off and Anderson fades into a speck. Shuttles fly in around them, setting down amid smoke and fire and burning debris to pick up civilians and evacuate them. People help each other onto the shuttles. From behind a pile of rubble, she sees the boy. He’s alone and he looks lost. Where are his parents? Why is no one helping him? He looks up at her and catches her eye before a Reaper roars and he covers his ears. It’s headed his way and seems to look directly at him. He runs for the shuttle and climbs in, his little legs struggling to get him high enough to get in. Finally, he crawls in and he looks at her again as the door closes.

The shuttle lifts off. The Reaper turns. Fires. The shuttles explode. No! She closes her eyes and turns away, unable to look at the destruction anymore. This isn't her universe and Earth isn’t her home, but it’s the closest thing she has and she’s realizing that she has a surprisingly strong attachment to it now that it’s at risk. Her fellow humans are dying and she has to leave to save them. It goes against everything in her nature and feels like running. She feels like she’s abandoning them all. How long can Earth stand up against this? How long until it’s all destroyed? The fleet is burning. The weight of the world is on her shoulders. Is this what it's like in her universe? The only thought she has that gives her any comfort is that Thane and the rest of her crew are out there. Surely they will help her. This is too big to turn down. They know the stakes.

"Commander, we've got a shuttle inbound!" Joker says. The bay doors open. A shuttle lands inside and Thane jumps out. 

"I came as quickly as I could, Shepard," he says.

"You're just in time. Grab your gear," she says.

They arrive at the Archives to find a dust storm rolling in. It'll mess up their comms with the _Normandy_ when it arrives. She doesn't suppose there's any way they'll be in and out in the half hour it takes for the storm to arrive. It's never that easy. She has a feeling Liara's in trouble and she’s learned to trust that feeling. It's confirmed when they find a dead Alliance soldier and a group of Cerberus guys ahead. They've got people lined up on their knees facing away from them. Shepard and Thane are lining up to take their shots when the Cerberus soldiers fire, killing their victims execution-style. Shit! What the hell is going on here? If Cerberus is involved, it can't be good. They die but not in time to save the people they executed. Shepard checks the bodies. Liara isn't there. At least there's that.

"Cerberus," Kaidan confirms. "What are they doing here on Mars?"

"Good question."

"You don't know?"

"I'm not with them, Kaidan, if that's what you're asking."

"It wasn't. You know how they think, though."

"Sorry. I keep forgetting you aren't my Kaidan. I don't know." They find the entrance and go inside. It leads to a giant elevator designed for hauling vehicles. She closes the doors so that they can remove their breathers—she still hates the damn things—and they go up. The elevator delivers them into a hangar. They hear metal rattling and dive behind a shuttle, drawing their weapons. Someone's crawling through the vent shaft. Gunfire booms. The vent cover falls and Liara drops down, followed by Cerberus soldiers. She turns and throws a biotic blast at them that lifts them off their feet and then shoots them. _That's my girl!_ Shepard thinks as she comes out.

Liara doesn't look surprised to see her. "Shepard. Thank the goddess you're alive."

"You, too, Liara," she says, hugging her. God, she’s missed her.

"I was so worried when the reports came in. I'm...sorry...about Earth."

"Yeah," Kaidan says as she pulls back. "It was hard to leave like that."

"It happened so fast!" Shepard tells her. "I thought we were more ready here, but we're not. Even with the Council and the Alliance listening. We were caught completely off guard. The sheer size of the force that came through...."

"I'm sorry”, she says. “But why'd you come here?"

"You didn't think we'd leave you behind, did you?" Shepard asks. 

Mars leads to the Citadel and, from there, to Palaven where Shepard and Garrus are reunited. It’s a blur of fight, fly, fight, fly, and fight again. She can’t remember the last time she sat down. Traynor, the comm specialist who replaced Kelly, tells her she has new messages at her private terminal. Traynor’s voice is less annoying than Kelly’s, but she still doesn't want to check it. It'll just be more bad news. Her inbox is full of bad news every time she looks. News reports of the destruction on Earth, requests for help she can't grant flooding in. But she checks it anyway. There could be something important. Aria wants to see her in Purgatory the next time she’s at the Citadel. Kaidan is finally conscious and has been allowed visitors. Someone else needs her help.

Thane walks up to her. "I'm sorry, Shepard. How are you? I know this cannot be easy for you."

She sighs. "I don't know," she admits. "There's so much...Earth is burning. Palaven is burning. Everywhere I turn, there's death and destruction. Can we ever be ready for a war like this? Everything we've ever known...it's all hanging by a thread. And I feel like I'm responsible for holding it up. And now...I have to oversee a summit between three races whose hatred for each other goes back for hundreds of years. I'm supposed to broker a peace between them. Me! I know war and battle. I don't know what to do with peace. I certainly don't know how to create it."

"You can do this, Shepard. You are the strongest woman I have ever known. You've already done it. You created not just peace but friendship between krogan, salarian, and turian in two different universes. You have allies among all of the races. You can use that. You have many burdens. Remember that we will help you carry them."

___

After reconnecting with Wrex, Mordin, and Grunt—who was injured fighting the rachni that the other Shepard didn’t kill—Shepard sends the _Normandy_ back to the Citadel. Grunt needs the hospital and she has errands to run. One takes her to the Presidium Commons where she sees Liara and stops to say hello to her. They take a minute to just stop and breathe as they watch the skycars pass by. Liara tells Shepard about growing up on Thessia and a garden like the one nearby that she used to dig for Prothean ruins in as a child. Even when she was little, she was fascinated with the past. At least some things don't change. It's nice, just being there with her friend. They don't have time to stop very often. Shepard feels guilty for taking even a few minutes, but Garrus' words echo in her head. She'll burn out if she doesn't breathe.

Liara seems to share her thoughts. "It's nice, just being here like this. When you died, I felt like I had lost the only friend I had in the world. I never would have given you to Cerberus if I hadn't been absolutely desperate."

"I was never angry with you for that, Liara. I wouldn't be standing here if it weren't for you. Wait, you're talking like you actually remember doing that. Did you get that much from my memories?"

"No," she says, sounding startled. "The memories I got you were from your perspective. I was just thinking about it and then, suddenly, I could feel it from mine. I can see your body. It's as real as one of my own memories. You were in a stasis pod. They hadn't even removed your helmet. Your armor was different, too. Your eyes were open. I could see them through the visor and, for a moment, I hoped...but they were fixed, glassy, dull. Miranda, she was there. Wearing a white leather catsuit with a Cerberus logo. Jacob, too, but he was still with the Alliance. I remember it, Shepard. How can I know that?"

Shepard doesn't believe her. She doesn't know why Liara would lie to her but she doesn't like it. "This isn't funny, Liara," she says.

"I am not joking," she insists. "I know that it is impossible, but I _do_ remember it."

She sounds sincere. "Maybe you're confused. Maybe it's a trick your mind is playing, trying to reconcile what you saw in mine with what you know here."

"This is no trick of the mind. I swear to you, Shepard. It is as though I was there."

Shepard has no way of proving anything Liara says. Liara’s brain could be extrapolating from Shepard’s memories or she could be making it all up. However, the one person who can answer it just happens to be on the Citadel. "Come with me," Shepard tells her.

They meet Miranda in the docks. She's discovered that her father is still alive here and Oriana is missing. Shepard is concerned about her and asks her to come with them. They can keep her safe. But she's worried about her sister and Shepard knows she'll never rest easy until she's sure Oriana is safe, so she understands when she declines. 

"Miranda, there's something we need you to clear up," Shepard tells her. "Liara thinks she can remember recovering my body. I can't tell her if she does or doesn't. You and Jacob are the only ones who were really there."

Miranda looks surprised. Her brow furrows and she turns to Liara, crossing her arms over her chest. "What do you think you remember?" she asks.

She begins to speak. Shepard has never actually heard the story of her recovery before. "Shepard had been missing for a month but no one seemed to care outside of her crew. They left her for dead. I watched her die. I remember seeing her body out there, flailing as she tried to stop her oxygen from venting and there was nothing I could do. So when I got a tip that she was on Omega, I went there. I paid a drell named Feron to take me to her. He told me that she was dead but that I wasn't the only one interested in her body. On the way, we were attacked by Blue Suns mercenaries working for the Shadow Broker. That's where you came in. You shot one--a krogan, I think--and told me you wanted to work together to find Commander Shepard. When I told you she was dead, you said she had beaten the odds before and that you might be able to bring her back."

Miranda's eyebrows raise and she says, "Go on."

"There was a holo. But not like a normal comm holo. I was in a dark room...shiny black floors and walls...with a giant glowing sun in the background. The Illusive Man was there. He wore an expensive suit and had gray hair and his eyes glowed. Two blue rings connected by spheres at three points. He told me that the Shadow Broker had made a deal with the Collectors. We suspected the Blue Suns had her, so you sent me with Feron to find her, but he was one of the Shadow Broker's agents. I convinced him to help me. He took me to Aria and she directed us to the old mining processing plant in the lower levels of the station. We got there just before a Salarian hit man named Tazzik. Unfortunately, Feron blew it and Tazzik got away with her. We chased his ship through the Omega 2 relay to the Hourglass Nebula and Alingon where the Shadow Broker's command center was located. Feron took data that proved the Shadow Broker was working with the Collectors. And then he told me he was actually working with Cerberus and using his contacts with the Broker to find and recover Shepard's body. We stopped the transaction, but Feron was taken by the Shadow Broker's agents. Later, you told me that you didn't completely believe you could bring her back."

"I'm so confused," Shepard says, rubbing her head. "You, Cerberus, the Shadow Broker...so who _wasn't_ Feron working for? This sounds too far-fetched. You guys were close when I knew you."

"She's telling the truth," Miranda says. "The only people who knew that were Liara, Feron, the Illusive Man, and me. I didn't even know Feron was working for us until later and she's never scanned my brain or whatever it is she does. As long as our Liara never mentioned it to you, there's only one way she could know that. She remembers it, Shepard."

"We need to talk to EDI," Shepard says. "Are you sure you can't come with us, Miranda?"

"I'm more sure now than ever. If she can remember things from our universe, who's to say this Ori won't remember me? I have to find her. Once she's safe...then I'll join you."

Shepard hugs her tightly. "Take care of yourself, Miranda."

"I always do," she says with a wistful smile.

 

With all of her business finished, they return to the ship and she tells Joker to head for Tuchanka. Once the course is set, Liara and Shepard find EDI's new body. They could talk to her anywhere on the ship, but it seems more respectful to talk to her in person. They go to the briefing room and Liara tells her what happened. "Do you have any idea how this is possible?" Shepard asks once Liara is finished.

"As I have said, when we came into this universe, we may have essentially created it. While it is more like this Liara's original universe, it could be that we are all in uncharted territory. If that is the case, we may be experiencing this new universe's attempt to merge the two. The Omega 4 relay in this universe could be some sort of conduit linking multiple universes. I had not considered that because we remained in our own when we came back through. Alternatively, our presence in this universe may be creating ripples in it and vice versa. I need to consider this new data." She pauses. "Yes, it is possible that since we triggered the rift, the universes have been attempting to merge."

Liara wrings her hands and says hesitantly, "Shepard, I do not know what your beliefs are as far as deities go, but if you accept the existence of something such as the goddess, is it not possible that there is some higher power out there who is attempting to help us?"

"The metaphysics are more Thane's area of expertise," she says. "I'm still figuring that one out. So what does this mean, EDI? Are we becoming some merger of ourselves or something? If so, why is Liara the only one experiencing it? I don't remember anything from this universe's version of me."

"You wouldn't necessarily realize it," Liara says. "Until you pointed out that I couldn't possibly remember those events, it felt seamless. Even now, I cannot remember what I was actually doing in this universe in that time frame even though I still remember serving under you here after those events took place while you were being put back together. I don't remember becoming the Shadow Broker. I don't know if I ever found Feron, though I can remember feeling determined to try. I don't remember returning to Illium. But I do remember watching you die and recovering your body."

"I wonder if Tali's had any similar experiences," she muses. "You and she are the most like our versions of you."

"The Migrant Fleet has not been heard from since the Reaper invasion began," EDI says. "However, if we can find her, I can check for any memories that would be out of place for this version of herself."

"They haven't been heard from?" Shepard asks. "Did they get hit?"

"No. I suspect they are planning something and do not wish to be found."

"That's odd," she says. "I hope she's all right."


	8. Chapter 8

The next time they arrive on the Citadel, Cerberus is attempting to take the station. They make it to the executor's office in search of Councilor Valern. The executor and his bodyguards are dead. She doesn't see the councilor. Bailey tells her to keep searching. Garrus waves her to a window looking down on an office. A desk chair is slowly rolling across the floor. It's the only movement in the room until he uncloaks and appears. Shepard tells Bailey she’s found the Councilor. He doesn't look like he's been hurt. Tough old bastard.

She turns to give direction to Garrus and Thane and sees a dark blur in her peripheral vision. Someone has jumped down past the window and he's stalking the councilor. He has a _sword_. What the hell? Who carries a damn sword anymore? She shields her eyes and shoots out the window before jumping down into the room and coming up around him. She can't let this dime store ninja kill him. She’s a Spectre. She has a duty to protect him. 

Sword guy leaps over the councilor, raising his hand. A biotic ball glows in his palm. "Don't even think about it," she says, aiming for his head.

"Shepard, he is going to kill us all," Valern hisses.

"That remains to be seen," she says, tracking sword guy with her pistol as he slinks around.

"I mean Udina. He's staging a coup. He's got the other Councilors now to hand over to Cerberus!" he whispers quickly. 

Shepard gets the impression he's trying to get it all out before he dies but she’s not going to let that happen. She is Commander Fucking Shepard and this overdone Oriental boy with his little sword is about to find out who he's messing with. Garrus runs in. "Two on one, pal," she says, not wanting to give away Thane's presence, wherever he is. "It's over."

He smiles coldly. "No. Now it's fun."

A pistol cocks and Thane materializes out of nowhere with his gun at sword boy's temple. Damn, she forgets sometimes how fast and quiet he can move. She had no idea he was right there. Sword guy swings around, knocking the gun from his head and blocks the punch Thane throws. Oh no. That's not good. Thane recovers quickly and Shepard pulls the councilor out of the way as they fight. They're moving so fast she can't get a clean shot and she doesn't want to hit Thane by accident. She crouches and waits. 

He throws Thane and Thane rolls and comes to his feet, firing rapidly, but he's gone. _Holy mother of God. He's as good as Thane._ She’s never seen anyone as good as Thane before. _She_ isn’t as good as he is. They scan the room but Thane just cocks his head, listening. Sword guy uncloaks near him. _Okay, he's not as good. He just has a cloak. Thane could have done that without one._ He fires on sword guy, but the wannabe ninja rushes forward, swinging his sword. Thane ducks and turns, lashing out with his foot and kicks him in the side twice in rapid succession. He raises his fist and it glows as he punches sword guy on a backswing, sending him flying across the room. Thane calmly picks up his pistol and begins to fire again as sword guy leaps up and reclaims his own weapon. There's distance there now. He doesn't stand a chance. She’s never seen Thane fight a near equal before. He makes it look good.

The bullets don't seem to phase him, though, and he rushes Thane again. His sword lashes out and Thane doubles over. No! When the guy pulls out his sword, it's covered in blood. Thane drops. "Thane!" she shouts, firing at sword guy as he runs off. She chases him down the hallway and he leaps off of the edge of the building then rises again atop a skycar. She fires, but the bullets seem to glance around him. Behind her, she hears a pistol. The skycar flies away and she turns to see Thane leaning against the doorway. She runs to him as he clutches his abdomen and slides down to the floor.

"How bad is it?" she asks urgently, applying medigel. 

"A scratch," he says calmly. "We must catch him."

"You need a doctor!" she shouts, fear consuming her as the image of him leaning against the wall overlaps with the image of him lying in a pool of blood on the Collector base. She can't lose him again!

"Shepard, what's going on up there?" Bailey asks over the omni-tool.

"Thane needs medical help. Fast! And I need to take care of an assassin," she tells him. He's close. He can get to Thane quickly and get him back to the hospital. 

"He must be going after the rest of the Council," Bailey tells her. 

"Get the word out: Udina's trying to seize power. I've got to get to the Councilors."

"They're being taken to a shuttle pad on the Presidium. Start driving. I'll try to raise them on the comm."

"Do that. But do it while you're getting Thane to the hospital. He can't afford to lose blood." She looks at Thane. "Are you going to be all right here for a few minutes? Don't try to move."

"I am fine, Shepard," he says, standing. He pulls up his shirt to reveal a long, deep slice but it's not life-threatening. "He is good, but not as good as he thinks he is. I can handle bleeding a little. Let's go save the Council."  
___

With the coup stopped, Shepard goes into the med bay where Karin is ministering to Thane's wound. "How is he, doc?"

"He'll be right as rain in a day or two," Chakwas reassures her. "This would have been fatal to the old Thane, but without advanced Kepral's Syndrome to inhibit his oxygen distribution, blood loss is not much more dangerous for him than it is for you or I."

"I told you that I was fine, Shepard," he says.

He's going to be okay. Relief makes her knees go weak. She doesn't want to analyze her reaction too closely. For now, she’s just glad he's all right. "Good to hear it. Next time, let us back you up. You're so damn fast I couldn't get a shot off."

"Close combat was necessary with his barriers."

"I can drain barriers, Thane! But I couldn't do that with you right on top of him, either without taking your shield down, too! We're a team, not a one-man show!" She doesn't know why she’s shouting at him.

"Were you worried about me, Shepard?" he asks softly. "You shouldn't be."

"Damn right I was worried about you! I thought I was watching you die! Do you have any idea what that would do to me?"

Karin steps back and leaves the room. He watches her go and turns to Shepard. "Because of him or because of me?" he asks.

"Both, damn it! What? You think I only care about you because you look like him? I'm not that damn cold and I'm not stupid! I know you aren't him. But seeing a version of him die? Yeah, that would haunt me. Seeing you die...that would... That would..."

"Would what, Shepard?" he asks, slipping off of the table and stalking toward her with predatory feline grace. She can't answer. "Seeing me die would...what?" he asks again. He's so close she can feel the heat from his body, can smell the spice of his skin. Her breath catches. His hands cup her elbows and he looks down at her intently, waiting. 

"Thane," she breathes.

"Tell me, Siha." His head dips. His lips brush hers. Her breath escapes on a tortured groan and her resolve shatters. Her hands slide around his neck and her thigh grips the uninjured side of his lean waist. His arms are steel bands around her that feel like home. His hand tangles in her hair, angling her head as he deepens the kiss. The taste of his tongue in her mouth is familiar, but different enough to jolt her back to reality. 

"I can't. This is so wrong, Thane," she says, burying her face in his shoulder. She tells her arms to drop but they don't respond. His gentle around her and she feels his hand cup the back of her head, holding her. 

"I must admit I feel something for you, Shepard," he murmurs, "something I have never felt for another and never expected to feel for a human in particular. Perhaps, someday, time will be kind enough to fade your memories and allow your heart to open again. I cannot be certain about the other me; however, I must say that I could never resent the one I loved finding happiness, especially if that happiness meant that she could love my soul in any universe. I will wait for as long as it takes; and if you are not able to accept loving my soul in this universe and this body, mine will be content with meeting yours beyond the sea." He steps back and gently wipes the tears from her face. "Do not cry, Siha. I cannot bear to see your tears."

"I'm so confused," she says miserably. 

"I know. It is difficult to comprehend."

"How can you say those things? You have no idea what I've done. If you knew..." _Murderer._

_That desperate for salarian aid, Shepard?_

"I know what your body did, Shepard. I know the signs. You have not accepted the separation between body and spirit; therefore, you feel guilt. The dalatrass was responsible. You were simply the tool." 

"It's not that simple," she says, stunned that he knows, that he accepts it. "The choice was left to me. I made it. I decided. I didn't want to do it but I'd gone too far. Everything would have been lost. Who am I?" she whispers. "I don't want to be someone who can pull the trigger on a friend without even thinking about it." 

"The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern by actions alone. You have been trained as I have," he says. "And our training was very good. The decision to kill is reflex. The decision to stay our hand is conscious." 

Her Thane said the exact same thing about the measure of an individual when they met. "So you know? And you don't disapprove?" 

"I neither approve nor disapprove. You have your reasons and they are your own. It is not for me to question but to simply support you in whatever you do. I have taken many lives. Who am I to judge you? My opinion is irrelevant." 

"No," she says softly. "It isn't." It's suddenly very important. 

"Very well. You are attempting a Herculean effort. Bringing together factions that have been at war since before our races knew of their existence is a nigh unto impossible task yet the fate of the galaxy rests in your ability to do so. The pressures upon you are nothing short of tremendous, the scope far beyond any individual. Victory at any cost is a high price to pay and one that requires great sacrifice. You do what you must in order to achieve that goal. That you suffer for it speaks to your inherent goodness. This is war and difficult decisions are demanded of you at every turn. Had it been my choice, I likely would have done the same. And Shepard, you need not ever be afraid to confess your deeds to me. However dark your path, I have seen darker." 

"Thank you," she says, stroking his cheek. She lets her hand drop. "I should go." 

"I am here whenever you need me." 

She goes to see how Kaidan is settling in. He's not in the crew quarters. EDI tells her he's in the observation lounge. She finds him leaning against the window the way she does when she’s thinking. The lights in the room are low and the galaxy glitters in the velvet darkness. She moves to the window and stands beside him, looking out over the familiar expanse. The night sky from a planet has nothing on this view and she feels sorry for those who've never gotten to see it the way she does. One might think she'd be used to it. She grew up with this, after all. But she isn't. It still awes her. 

"All seems so calm from here," he says quietly. "There are people going through hell in a million different ways...out there. And I want to be fighting alongside them, but...I want to be here. You know?" 

"Yeah," she says, "I do.” 

"I don't know how you do it, Shepard, keeping it all together like you do. Earth is always in the back of my mind, haunting me." 

"So use it," She tells him. "That's how I cope. I think about how Earth looked...and how it's going to look when we get back. Guns blazing, the whole galaxy behind us." 

"Yeah." He chuckles. "You know, when this was is over, there's going to be one hell of a reunion party." 

"Hell, yeah." She just hopes they live to see it. 

"Dancing in the streets, hugging and crying. My mom's always wanted to travel off-planet. I think I'll take her. Look, Shepard...the things I said back on Horizon.... I'm sorry. I should have been more understanding." 

"Kaidan, you weren't on Horizon with me," she says. 

His brow furrows. "I don't know why I just said that. It's weird. It's almost like I can see you there, can feel the anger and sense of betrayal at the thought of you working with Cerberus. I can hear Garrus yelling at me about ignoring the real threat. What the hell's going on? Am I just making that up?" 

"You, too, huh?" she asks. "The same thing happened to Liara." 

"Did I really talk to you like that? And you let me get away with it?" he asks. 

"Not you. The other Kaidan. Yeah, he did." 

"Now that I think about it, I can almost remember conversations I know I didn't have. Overstepping my bounds and you putting me in my place. But that didn't happen. I never questioned Shepard. She had some crazy ideas, kinda like you, but she was always right. Besides, she was my commanding officer. She'd have to do something downright wrong for me to question an order or a decision." 

"And that's why I let you come back," she tells him. "The other Kaidan, no way. I'd have told him to stay the hell off my ship after Horizon." 

"Well, I'm glad you're able to separate it. You don't seem too surprised by this." 

"Like I said," she tells him, "it happened to Liara, too. EDI has some theory about our universes trying to merge." 

"That would be good, right? For you, at least. You save this universe, maybe you save your own. As long as we don't all go crazy from trying to reconcile two sets of different memories." 

"I would be more than happy to assist you with it if it becomes a problem," EDI says. "In addition, if you become confused, you can always ask another crew member to help you ascertain which memories are yours and which are the other's." 

"Uh, thanks, EDI. I might take you up on that. But...if we're all going through it, how will we know the difference?" 

"For now, the issue appears to be restricted to you and Liara," she says. "My theory is that the merger will become more seamless as time goes by. It should only be contradictory memories which pose an issue and you have already seen that you can work through those and recognize the ones that are out of character for you." 

"It could get really awkward if Shepard and Garrus start remembering being in love with each other," he says. "Especially if we end up with both Thane and Tali on board." 

"Let's hope that doesn't happen," she says. "Maybe it'll just be restricted to you guys. I mean, we've already had to travel through universes. I'd rather it not get any harder." 

"About that," EDI says and she groans. "I believe it may already be happening to you as well, but in a different way. It would explain your newfound fondness for Earth. You never felt a true attachment to the human homeworld in our universe. It was simply a place that needed to be saved. From what I gather, however, this universe's version of you did feel a certain loyalty to her homeworld and her own species. However, your memories of Garrus would not need to change because he is the same version of himself that you always knew. It would not facilitate the merging of the universes." 

"I can live with that, I guess," she says. 

"That's a lot to process," Kaidan says. 

"Tell me about it," she grumbles. 

"Thanks for stopping by, Shepard. And, for whatever it's worth, you're a good leader and we're lucky to have you." 

"It's good to have you back, Kaidan," she tells him and turns to go. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

The crew needs shore leave after Rannoch, so they return to the Citadel. Fortunately, this time, she was able to make peace without betraying one friend and murdering another. So far, Thane is the only one to figure it out and he still hasn’t told anyone. The crew wants to spend time with her, so after meeting with Councilor Tevos, Shepard accompanies Garrus to the top of the Presidium where she isn’t entirely surprised when he challenges her to a shooting match. "Step aside," she finally tells him. He backs up and holds, waiting. "Do it," she says. He gives it a running throw and it goes flying. She fires and the bottle shatters. "Nobody alive, maybe," she tells him, "but, technically, I died."

"Yeah, well, next time we're throwing in a herd of rampaging klixen. That's how you separate the rookies from the pros." He grows serious. "How are you holding up? Really?"

She lays the rifle beside her and sits on the edge with her knees drawn up and her arms around them. She studies the passing skycars below as she tries to formulate her answer. Garrus knows her better than anyone and is possibly the only person who understands what this situation is like. "I'm stressed," she finally admits. "I feel like I've failed. I try not to think about everyone back home but I worry about them constantly. I worry about the people here constantly. Hell, I just worry. I didn't stop the Reapers there and there's no way to know what's happening to everyone. I imagine Earth has fallen by now. I tell myself we'll never know and it's no use thinking about it, that I should focus on the here and now, but that's easier said than done. I care about the people here. I really do. But sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake by not trying to get us back."

"I have to admit I've wondered about that myself," he says, sitting down beside her. "I think about my dad and my sister, about our Liara. I hope they're all right. But you were put into an impossible situation and you did the best you could for the most people."

"The ruthless calculus of war again?" she asks.

He sighs. "Yeah. Maybe our universe was a lost cause. I mean, look at the destruction in this one already and they prepared for this. Look at what the Illusive Man has done even without the Reaper technology. I meant what I said when I told you that if anyone can win this war, it's you. We've succeeded against some pretty high odds, but I don't know that even we could have done it on our own the way we were there. You've said yourself time and time again that the only chance we have is if we work together. That couldn't have happened there. We can't look back now."

"Maybe you're right, Garrus," she says on a sigh. "It's certainly a thought that's crossed my mind as well. Maybe it really is time to put the past behind us and let go."

"Speaking of letting go, I couldn't help but notice that Thane was already with you when you came to Palaven. I know Liara was on Mars, but I wasn't expecting him to still be on Earth. I'd thought we would need to go back to Kahje to pick him up. How are things going there?"

"You first. How are things with Tali? I've noticed you hanging around engineering a lot and I've seen her leave the battery a few times."

"We messaged quite a bit before the Reapers hit," he tells her. "It was just friendly at first but...damn it, Shepard, she's so much like our Tali. She's the only one who hasn't changed a bit. She keeps telling me that if the tables were turned and she was the one who'd died, she'd be glad to see that we'd found some way to be together."

"She would know better than any of the rest of us how our Tali would think and feel. You're right. She is just like our Tali. Liara, too. Well, before I died and our Liara became obsessed with the Shadow Broker. It's been so easy to fall into thinking of them without a separation between the old and the new. Seamless, really. I'd probably think it odd if you didn't end up loving this one as well."

"It hasn't been as easy for you, has it?" he asks sympathetically.

"No. In some ways, he's just like my Thane. And in others, he's very different. And either way, I'm afraid I'm falling for him all over again," she admits.

"I don't think that our Thane would have resented a minute of happiness on your part, even if it meant you found someone else. He was one of the most understanding people I've ever met. He fell in love with you after losing his first wife. Do you really think he'd blame you for falling in love again? Especially if the one you fell in love with was him?"

"No," she says. "He wouldn't I just...I don't want him to be lonely out there. I don't want him waiting for me and for me to never show."

"If we did die in our universe like EDI says is likely, then maybe a part of you is already with him."

"That's what this Thane said, too," she tells him.

"Maybe he's right. Maybe there's a part of me with Tali, too. Or maybe we were just meant to love them no matter what. Maybe Miranda's right and it is a second chance for us."

"I think I'd like to believe that," she says.

"And how does this Thane feel about you? It's all a moot point if this version of him doesn't love you back. I think it's easier for me to believe it because this version of Tali loves me, too."

"He says he feels something for me," she admits. 

"Then what is it going to hurt to try?" he asks. "If it doesn't work out, then you still get to go to your Thane in the end. If it does, you get time with him here, too. Time you wouldn't have had in our universe even if he'd survived the relay."

"Maybe you're right," she says. "I don't know."

___

She’s on her way back to the ship when she runs into Thane. "Shepard," he says, "I was wondering where you were. I heard that you were spending time with the crew. I was wondering if I could steal a small portion of your time as well. It's been several days since I've seen you and there is something I must tell you."

She’s been avoiding him since the scene in the med bay. She doesn't know what to do with his revelation that he cares about her and she’s still shaken by the kiss. But this sounds important. "Where do you want to go?" she asks him. 

"I would prefer some place quiet," he says. 

They find a table that overlooks the wards in the cafe down in the markets. He pulls out a chair for her and she asks, "What's on your mind?"

He folds his hands and looks at her for a long moment. "I have not been completely forthright with you. At first, I believed I was imagining things. Then I did not want to cause you more pain by bringing up old memories. However, there are things I know about you and my counterpart that I have no way of knowing and I feel as if I am going crazy."

"It's happening to you, too?" she asks. She doesn't know how she feels about this.

"Are you experiencing strange memories as well?" he asks.

"No. Not me. Kaidan and Liara," she answers. "Kaidan remembers our fight on Horizon. And Liara remembers watching me die and recovering my body. EDI has a theory about you guys getting some of your counterparts' memories. Something to do with the universes merging. I guess it might be time to call a meeting. I don't want my crew thinking they're going insane."

"I remember things about you that I should not. But, perhaps the most disturbing, I remember dying as well, Shepard. I am making a conscious effort not to relive that experience right now but looking at you makes it difficult. If this is true memory--and I do not know how it could be otherwise--his last thoughts were of you."

"Did it hurt?" she asks as her throat tightens and her eyes begin to burn.

"Only for a moment. The memory is unpleasant but not intolerable."

"You can look at your knee and see it's not shattered," she says, remembering a conversation with her Thane about drell memories and him remembering being shot.

"Precisely. It is enough, though, that I can assure you that—while his wounds may have looked extreme—he was not in extreme pain."

His eyes take on that far-away look and he says, "I can see in my Siha’s eyes that the end is soon. Memories play out. My life. I am no common soldier. I act alone. I act without mercy. I bring death to those who deserve it and, occasionally, to those who do not. Sometimes, I feel regret. Sometimes, I feel remorse. But most of the time, I feel nothing. My wife is dead. My son is lost. My body's actions in this life are tales never to be told. When I'm gone, it will be as if I never lived. I take a job, my last. I will die here. Then, everything changes. Someone else is pushing me, driving me toward my target. How far will she go to find me? I must meet her. She walks through the door. Confidence bordering on arrogance. I drop down, take out my target. Pray. She is impatient, but prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken. She has a proposition: attacking the Collectors. It will mean going through the Omega 4 relay. No ship has ever returned from doing so. Yes, a suicide mission will do nicely. 

"Removing evil isn't the same as creating good. I join her crew. I've never been part of a team. Assassins tend to be solitary. I was chosen for this mission because killing is an art and I am a master. I learn the virtues of facing death with others at your side. She is different from any other woman I have ever met. I will watch over her. We speak daily. She fascinates me. I tell her she is the only friend I have made in ten years. 'Friend, hmm?' she asks. 'It's a start.' Intriguing. She is by my side when I find my son. She is always by my side. This is new for me. I grow to care about her and, then, to love her. She understands me in a way Irikah never could. It is as if she was made for me. I begin to curse my fate, to beg the gods for more time with her. I fear the darkness and it shames me. 

"She agrees to be my bride. My wife, my Siha, my great love. I go to her, confess my fear. A hot tear slides down my face. My fist slams the table. Her hand, cool on mine. She does not recoil from my anger, my shame. 'Thane, be alive with me tonight.' Her face, in a thousand permutations, accompanies me into the dark. 'Do not grieve for me, Siha. I will await you on the shore. My soul will find yours. Guide her, Kalahira.'"

Damn it. She’s crying again. "It was my fault," she says. "I killed him as surely as I killed Mordin. If I had waited, if I hadn’t taken him with me.... I was trying to keep him safe and I lost him."

He takes her hands. "No, Siha. You did not kill me. You freed me." 

"What are you talking about?"

"When a memory feels as real as life, it is as valid as life. I share his memories. I have lived his life. It is as if my body has spent its entire life waiting for its soul. By my dying in your universe and your coming here, we have been given a second chance. I am one, a whole person, no longer disconnected. I am yours. And I am healthy. There is time for a cure for Kepral's Syndrome. It will not tear us apart here."

"You...remember me? Us?" she hardly dares to hope. 

"I remember every moment that we had together" he says. "I remember everything. I do not know how it has happened. You do not believe me. I see it in your eyes." His own fix on a point behind her. "Kolyat stands behind the turian, a pistol to his head. I fear for him. A twitch of the the finger and my son is lost. 'I don't need your help!' he insists. He is so angry. 'All of you, back off! I'll kill him!' Siha steps forward. 'No you won't,' she says and shoots Talid. 'Hostages only work if your enemy cares if they live.' I am surprised. He is unarmed and on his knees. It is the only time I have ever seen her kill in cold blood. 'Interesting solution,' I tell her. She says, 'He was a racist and a criminal. Isn't that enough?' I am not sure that I agree. Not all of those who have met death at my hand have deserved it, I am certain; however, it was not by my choice that they died. 'To some, I suppose,' I answer. I cannot be angry with her, however. Her method would likely not have been mine, but she has saved my son."

"I never told you about that," she says, "about killing Talid." He does remember. And she was right. He did disapprove. "Talking wasn't working. It was only making him more agitated. It was that or shoot Kolyat. Kolyat hadn't done anything wrong yet. I'd just watched Talid shake down multiple people and he was running for office. I could handle killing Talid. Kolyat couldn't and you couldn't watch your son kill. Why that memory?"

"Because it is one you had not shared with me and one I would never have spoken of to another. I need you to know that I am truly yours," he says. 

It's him! It's really him! She stands so quickly that her chair falls. She doesn't care. He rises and she throws herself into his arms. "I've missed you so much," she tells him. 

"I was not certain that you would still want to be with me," he says. 

Rather than reply, she slides her hands behind his head and pulls him to her. His mouth on hers is ravenous, familiar, home. She can bear anything but losing him. Only the knowledge that they are still in public makes her draw back but she can't release him. "You were saying something?" she asks. 

His eyes search hers. "I have missed you, Siha," he says and pulls her close. His cheek brushes against her hair.

" _Normandy_ , now," she says. There are too many eyes here. She needs to be alone with him.

His hand rests against her lower back as they walk to the elevator. His left hand so that he can draw with his right hand. This is how they always walked together in casual settings. Holding hands was quickly ruled out because it prevented one of them from being able to draw but they both wanted the contact. With anyone else, she would be uncomfortable having her own ability to draw and fire slowed, but he's faster than she is and always armed, so it makes more sense that he be unhampered. Besides, while she can take care of herself, she knows it's important to him to feel like he can protect her. It's important to her to do the same. When they're on a mission, she’s in charge. His safety is her responsibility. But in their downtime, it's nice to step back and let him take the reins. She never feels safer than when he's by her side.

The elevator opens at the docking bay and they return to the ship. It's a short ride up to her cabin but it seems like it's moving slower than ever. She just wants to be in his arms. When they're finally in her cabin, she goes to him. His arms come around her and they hold each other close. She lays her head against his chest. His heart is racing and she just listens to it. He's alive. Something is different, though, and she realizes that it's his breathing. "It's so quiet," she says.

"What is?" he asks.

"Your breathing," she answers. "No whistling or crackling. You don't have to struggle. You can just...breathe. I've never had to try to hear your breath before."

"Ah. Yes. That was unpleasant. I do not believe I had realized how bad it had gotten until now."

"No advanced Kepral's, no suicide missions...we have all the time in the world," she says. It's a wonder to her, this idea of being able to live out her life with him. 

"We still must win this war," he points out.

"Let's not talk about that tonight," she tells him. "For one night, let's forget about the Reapers, forget about death and sickness and war, forget about stress and sadness and loss. This is a night to celebrate. You were _dead_ , Thane. And now you're back. I don't think I would believe it if I hadn't been brought back myself. And I've almost lost you again twice. First on the Collector base and again with Kai Leng. Don't do that to me again!"

"Aye aye, Commander," he says with a wry grin. 

"It's really you?" she asks.

"It's really me," he says and claims her mouth with his. His lips are soft, smooth, and they trail across her face and down the side of her neck. She feels his teeth nip gently and gasp as his fingers dive into her hair and his mouth covers hers again. His tongue slips boldly into her mouth to stroke hers and she’s on fire. She grips his shoulders, feeling the resilience of him through his leather jacket. It's not enough. She needs to be closer to him, to reaffirm their connection, to convince herself he's real. She slides the jacket off and it falls to the floor. His shirt follows and then his skin is bare. 

He's so beautiful, this man of hers. It isn't just physical, though his expressive face is the dearest in the world to her and his body...oh, god, his body...is fantastic. It's deeper than that. She wants his body. She loves who he is. She doesn't know what she did to deserve him the first time around, much less a second. He's just _better_ than her. He's a killer, true, but he's more compassionate, more kind and well-mannered, more generous and loving. He's faster, stronger, smarter. He is everything she strives and falls short of being. He's simply beautiful, inside and out. And he's hers.

She trails her fingers over his chest, sliding down over the hard ridges of his abdomen, tracing the dark patterns on his skin like tribal markings, the new scar on his side from Kai Leng's sword, the vee of muscle over his hips, and down. He sucks in a quick breath when her fingers brush the waistband of his pants and his fingers clench. She pushes him back onto the bed and straddles him. His hands grip her hips but she doesn't move. She simply looks at him, drinking in the sight of him. She wants to touch him, to taste him, to explore every inch of him. His body is a tool and a finely honed one at that. He is perfectly sculpted, exquisitely formed. His chest rises and falls and heat emanates from his body. He is alive.

"You are looking at me as though I am a delicacy to be savored," he says.

"You're beautiful, Thane," she says softly. "I've missed looking at you. I'm still trying to convince myself that you're real. I'm afraid I'm going to wake up and realize this is a dream."

"It is no dream," he assures her as she leans forward and runs her tongue along his collarbone. "I am as real as you are...oh, gods, Siha!" His hips roll in response and his eyes go black. 

Buttons from her shirt pop and scatter across the cabin and cool air washes over her heated skin as he surges up. He strips her bra away in a single motion and his mouth closes over her nipple. Her fingers are clumsy with need and she fumbles at the button on his pants until he releases her and strips them off. The room spins and he is leaning over her, sliding her own pants down her legs. She feels his fingers trailing the fabric and then she’s lying naked beneath him. His hand flows back up her legs and she cries out when she feels his finger stroke her. His head dips and he nibbles her neck as his fingers slide gently over her. It's not enough. She writhes against him, burning with desire. He was always a master at this slow torment, building her up until she was wild with need, begging him to take her. Only then would he give in and it's no different now. The only comfort she has is knowing that she can do the same to him. It became like a game between them. But now, tonight, it's been too long since she’s felt his touch, since she’s held him inside her, and she can't take it. 

"Please, Thane!" His fingers slip inside her and she moans, rocking against his hand as he finds the spot that connects to the very center of her. He gasps as her hand slides down over his abdomen, past his navel, to the hard, flat muscle between his hips but she doesn't stop there. Her hand wraps around him and he makes a sound that is a cross between a growl and a groan that tells her he's fighting as hard for control as she is. In her fantasies as they were returning to the ship, they had taken it slow, enjoying the exploration, savoring the reunion. But now, hunger consumes them. They have been too long apart to wait even another moment. His fingers slide out of her and he pins her hands above her head before moving over her. She wraps her legs around his waist and he pushes into her hard, joining them. She pulls her hands out of his grasp and her nails dig into his strong back as he withdraws and then pushes into her again. 

"I was going to take it slow, and I will next time," he says, punctuating his words with a firm thrust. "But now, I am overwhelmed with the need to mate with you, to claim you as my own once more. I want to fuck you, Siha."

 

 _Oh my god._ He's never spoken to her like that before. It's raw and hot and feral. It's exactly what she needs. "Yes!"

"I don't want to hurt you," he says between gritted teeth. His muscles strain with the effort of holding himself back.

"You won't," she tells him. She doesn't care if he does. She’s beyond caring about anything but satisfying this primal need to be one with him. She knows Thane likes it rough. That, in itself, is hot. He's normally so composed and solicitous, gentle even with those he's killed. She remembers the way he laid Nassana back as though he were cradling her, shielding her even as she died from his bullet. Even after seeing him in action it was still a surprise the first time he let go with her. 

She realizes now that even then he was holding back, careful not to hurt her, still in control. She realizes it now because he is almost violent in his need. He's never before unleashed his full strength on her. His hands have been firm but never truly rough. Now, however, his arm slides under her waist, angling her hips to take him deeper as he slams into her. His free hand locks around her throat, leaving her just enough room to breathe and for blood to flow but hard enough to add a sense of danger. His mouth is hard on hers, demanding entry, ravaging. She meets his force with her own, scoring his back. She feels hot liquid against her fingers and realizes she’s broken skin but he groans into her mouth and grips her ass tighter and pulls her harder into him. She explodes around him, her cries incoherent, and feels fine tremors run through his body before a final thrust brings his own release. 

He collapses onto her with his face buried in the curve of her neck. They're both breathing hard and she wonders absently if they'll ever be able to move again. She doesn't care. They're together again. Nothing else matters. She had never thought this would happen. Bliss takes up residence in her heart once more. She hasn't been truly happy since he died. She wants to enjoy it. 

"I did not hurt you or scare you, did I?" he asks, his voice concerned. 

"No. I'm hardier than I look and you couldn't scare me. You'd never harm me."

"I have wanted my hand around your throat for a long time. I do not know why. I refrained because I didn't want to frighten you," he says.

"You didn't," she assures him. "It was...hot. Are you all right? I think I broke skin. I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"I believe you drew a little blood," he says, "but it did not bother me. As you said, it was...hot. I don't believe you have ever fully let go with me, either. You're a little varren in bed. I like it. But," he says, withdrawing from her, "I also like this." He rolls her over and his hands slide along her back and up over her shoulders and her arms until his fingers entwine with hers. He nuzzles her neck as he slips into her from behind and begins to stroke slowly and gently. "I love you, Siha," he murmurs quietly. 

"I love you, too, Thane," she responds as his free hand cups her breast, his thumb sliding across her nipple.

"You are so beautiful," he says, kissing the back of her neck. 

The final tremors from her earlier orgasm hadn't yet stopped and the combined onslaught of his unhurried, easy touch and his deep, gravelly voice quickly drive her to her peak again. He holds her right on the edge, not allowing her to increase the tempo until she’s gasping for air and crying his name. Her toes are curled so tightly her foot is threatening to cramp and still he continues his slow, deliberate rhythm. "Please, Thane!" she begs. His hand slides down to where they are joined and traces them gently and they go up in flames once more. 

When they've recovered, she says, "Your turn." He lies on his back and she straddles him but doesn't take him inside her yet. This time, she wants to make him beg. She kisses the tender, deep red underside of his jaw and his head falls back and his eyes drift closed. He gently strokes her spine as she runs her tongue across his collarbone and down his sternum. Her hands bracket his chest and glide down his sides to his hips. He groans slightly when her thumbs graze his hipbones and her tongue dips into his navel. 

"I have spent many sleepless nights lost in the memory of your ministrations," he tells me. "Those were sweet but this, oh, this is sweeter." 

She strokes the length of him with her tongue before taking him into her mouth and he groans again. His hand cups her head and his fingers tangle in her hair. She glances up the length of him to see his lips parted slightly. His breathing is ragged. "Enough," he eventually says. "Do not torment me, Siha."

Reluctantly, she releases him. She’s never been able to finish him that way. She wants to because she knows he enjoys it but he always puts her safety ahead of his own pleasure and makes her stop. Oh well, there are other things she knows he likes. She clasps his hips with her legs and takes him into her, moving excruciatingly slowly. He reaches up and takes her hands in his own. His eyes don't leave hers and she sees the depth of her own love reflected back in them. Any doubt she may have been harboring vanishes in that moment. There is only one person in any universe who can love her like that. She uses her body to slowly bring him higher until she feels him begin to tremble and leans forward and kisses him thoroughly. His hands slip from hers to wrap her waist as they find their release together.

Exhaustion overtakes her and she collapses onto his chest. He holds her to him and kisses her temple. She traces a faded scar over his ribcage that his old body didn't have. "Where did you get this?" she asks.

"A turian general," he answers.

"And this?" she asks, tracing another in his shoulder. 

"A salarian, believe it or not. The ones on my knee are from a krogan."

"Your old body had that one as well," she tells him. "I didn't know it was a krogan, though. That explains the shattered knee." Krogans prefer heavy shotguns. 

"You have several on your back I do not recognize," he says, touching the knots of scar tissue gently.

"Coming back from the first Collector base run," she tells him. "It wasn't as easy. Tali and Jacob had just died. Then we lost Jack at the door. There were only a handful of us left. The fighting was brutal. We were all exhausted by the time we got to the Reaper. I didn't realize the Reaper was still active and sent the rear guard back early. You, Kasumi, and I fought it and took it down but you were mortally wounded and I had to get you out. We didn't have time to leapfrog and Joker was trying to cover us on his own. We just ran. The Collectors' fire overwhelmed my shields and they got me in the back. I didn't care as long as Kasumi got to the ship. A part of me knew you were gone. The mission was complete. What was left of my crew was safe. But they patched me up, something for which I am now very grateful though I railed at Mordin and Dr. Chakwas at the time."

"I am glad you recovered as well," he says. "I love you, Siha."

Her eyes drift closed. "I love you, too, Thane," she says as she falls into a dreamless sleep with a smile on her face.


End file.
